DD Screams (20 months)

amother

Tue, May 06 2014, 11:16 am

DD is very sweet and delicious, but very stubborn. Lately she has been doing a lot of screaming. She will scream if you help her buckle her carseat. She will scream if you put her pants on for her, she will scream if she doesn't want a food/toy that is offered to her, and she will scream if she feels like it. I can't take the screaming!! Is this a phase, or should she be seeing a behavioral therapist?

amother

Tue, May 06 2014, 5:22 pm

Sounds just like my 14 month old. . .

It's pretty normal, especially if your child is not extremely verbal. Toddlers scream when they're frustrated because they can't express what they want or get what they want. It will probably pass within the next several weeks/months when your toddler is better able to express herself and/or listen to a little reason and/or exert minute amounts of self control.

You may have to put up with screaming for situations where there is no acceptable alternative:
- Using the car seat
- Not wandering around naked
- Etc

Otherwise, to minimize frustration and screaming (for both of you), try to give your toddler choices (red shirt or blue shirts? Mommy puts on the pants or Daddy puts on your pants? Which song should we sing while we change your diaper?) and also show her ways to make her needs met (pointing, gesturing, telling her names of everything, even signing). Sometimes just asking my daughter what she wants is enough to distract her (this only works sometimes, but it at least makes her feels like she has my full attention).

amother

Thu, May 08 2014, 4:51 pm

I'm the one with the 14 month old who posted before.

It sounds like she's screaming when she doesn't get her way (going in the car seat, getting dressed, etc). This isn't related to not being able to tell you what she wants, it's because she is not in control.

Toddlers are all about control, and when they don't get what they want, when they want it, how they want it; they don't know how to handle it. So they scream. They cry. They throw tantrums. They throw objects. The screaming still sounds like very normal toddler behavior to me. The control issue is part of their emerging independence, they are frustrated by how little control they have over basically everything. At this age, we make most of the decisions. And that frustration is normal. And the lack of ways for them to deal with it is also normal, so they just scream a lot.

So try to give her more choices (one piece of broccoli or two pieces? Mommy will buckle you or daddy will buckle you? Red pants or pink pants? Do you want to put on shoes by yourself or together? etc).

Also, give her lots of extra hugs!!! This really helps Smile

Is there anything in particular that makes you think it's a behavioral issue?

amother

Thu, May 08 2014, 4:57 pm

amother wrote:

Is there anything in particular that makes you think it's a behavioral issue?

im op.

I think you pretty much summed up everything. This is a perfect explanation to what is going on.

I actually am very good about offering her choices so she can feel in control.

The reason I think it can be behavioral is because she is extremely stubborn. She is very independent and needs everything her way. I don't know how much I should give in to her and when I should put my foot down.

Applekugel

Thu, May 08 2014, 8:19 pm

I went through this. She terrorized my entire house. She screamed the whole day and I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. I used to put her in another room to calm down and told her she can come out when she stops screaming. It is a very difficult phase when they try to assert their independence. This too shall pass!!!