2 Languages, 2 Kids, what is best?

amother

Sun, Apr 29 2007, 11:08 am

Thought about putting this in the Israel forum, but many people in Chutz also deal with the same issue (I guess it could also have been under special needs, but oh well)

I have a 3 1/2 year old with a significant speech delay. He couldn't cope with cheder, so we sent him to a special gan where they are dealing with his speech and other issues. I was told at the gan (which is Hebrew, my husband is Israeli) to speak as much Hebrew at home as I can, since the therapy is in Hebrew and these kids have difficulty coping with 2 languages.

Now, some background. Up until he was 2, I spoke to him only in English. I was told by tipat Chalav to switch to Hebrew for a while to help him (he was hitting, and I was desperate for him to become verbal). My neighborhood is almost all Israeli. My Hebrew was not so great but was then okay for a 2 year old.

Since then, b'h I have had another child. I speak to the baby in English. The baby is now 8 months old. I would like to continue speaking to him in English, but a therapist friend of mine told me that if I speak to the baby in English and the older one in Hebrew, there would be serious sibling rivalry issues between them. I'm really not sure about this.

Truth be told, my Hebrew is exhausted and so am I. It does not seem advisable now to switch to speaking English to both of them, because it would send the older one through a loophole just when he is making progress. So, I guess I am stuck speaking Hebrew to the older one (I need a tutor, though) and English to the younger one, unless 1) I decide sibling rivalry will be an issue and 2) it gets to frustrating to switch languages all the time....
What do you think? Or since our community is so Israeli, should I try to become fluent in Hebrew and forget about English? But there are many advantages to English and they might resent it later in life...

Dont know what to do.... Confused

My Hebrew does need help ASAP...if I"m going to continue speaking it to my oldest

Mama Shifra

Sun, Apr 29 2007, 4:17 pm

You may want to check out the Bilingual Family Newsletter (www.bilingualfamilynewsletter.com). They have lots of articles archived about things like "Stuttering and Bilingualism" or "Bilingualism & Severe Educational Needs". If you subscribe, you can access the articles. The articles usually are very research based but meant for parents. But my personal feeling is that a child needs the parent to be able to express themselves fully, in the language that the parent feels most comfortable in. It could be that your child is having a slight delay due to bilingualism but may catch up later. However, I am no expert in this, so that is just my $.02.

Good Luck!
Shifra

amother

Sun, Apr 29 2007, 4:48 pm

We did have a policy that I spoke English and my husband spoke Hebrew...but then he had this delay and tipat Chalav suggested I speak Hebrew...mama Shifra, I agree with you that it is best for a mother to speak her native tongue...but my son is special case. There is alot of pressure from MIL to speak only Hebrew, because in the 1950s they were telling olim not to speak their languages but to speak Hebrew...Haskofah has changed dramatically, but there is a sad implication that my son's language difficulties are "My fault" because I started speaking English and now don't speak such good Hebrew. Maybe there is a point, but Rolling Eyes

greenfire

Sun, Apr 29 2007, 5:30 pm

are you in america ... they will both learn english soon enough ... I think it is important to learn their mother tongue which you indicated was hebrew ... I know it is difficult for you but then you may relearn it as well ... you certainly don't want sibling rivalry nor do you want them to feel alienated from such an important part of your heritage ... you cannot speak to them in two separate languages although you may later on when your son is improved to speak to both of them both languages ... either way ... I am certainly not an expert in anyway just helping you think ... I certainly wish you the best ... it cannot be easy making a decision ...

amother

Sun, Apr 29 2007, 5:57 pm

Sorry Green, it was the other way around.
I am an American living in Israel, and I am finding Hebew difficult, but I was told to speak it to help my son. I wanted to speak English to the baby, but was warned about sibling rivalry. In my kishkes, I'm not really sure it would cause sibling rivalry (therapist friend told me that)...Does anyone really think it would? I haven't seen problems so far...

Imaonwheels

Thu, May 10 2007, 5:27 pm

I am putting on my mod of aliya forum hat and talking as a 30 yr American in Israel. Speak to them in Hebrew if they need it. Thewre are a small number of kids who cannot do 2 languages and Hebrew is the language that he will have to live in. It is also Jewishly more important. He will need proper Hebrew and the ability to effectively communicate to succeed in school. Learn Hebrew well at all costs. You are very lucky that you are not in an Anglo neighborhood.

My suggestions of things that have proved very successful.

Go to a Hebrew shiur at least once a week. At first you may understand little but keep at it. One day you accidently find yourself translating for someone else newer w/o realizing how much you have progressed.

Try to make Israeli friends that do not know much English. The desire to communicate is the best incentive. Seek out your interests w/o regard to language. You will become bilingual. It is only in the beginning that it seems so hard. Many decide that it will be difficult and then go about making it so by verbalizing about how difficult it will be and leaving Hebrew environments if communicating is work.

If your kids get older and you have trouble talking to the teachers, reading their notes and report card or helping with homework there will be a certain loss of respect.
----

I was recently told by a woman in one of my classes that when they hail a cab the kids said to her,"Shut up, Ima, or he'll take more money". Meaning that cabbies can raise the price when they here English or an American accent. But the way her son said it is a very bad example of what can happen.

amother

Thu, May 10 2007, 9:33 pm

Imaonwheels:
Thanks so much for this advice! I think I need a Hebrew tutor for myself, since my Israeli husband doesn't have time to help me because of his demanding schedule. I feel that you are right, and I don't have American family pressuring me to teach my kids English (I"m not so close with them). I mean, I would like them to learn English, but it isn't the #1 priority, and if my son has trouble processing both, then why make it difficult? Most of my Anglo friends think I'm nuts for thinking this way ( a bit of insecurity on their part?) But you seem to understand. Thanks for the validation.

Mama Shifra

Fri, May 11 2007, 6:08 pm

I do not live in Israel, but I have been working on my Hebrew for many years, and thought that maybe I could share with you what has worked to improve my Hebrew.

1) Even if you cannot get a tutor or go to ulpan class (after all, you may be busy with your children or not have the extra cash), buy an ulpan book and go through it independently. Use the dictionary to figure out the hard words. Then go through the next one in the series. Keep going until you finish a level 3 or 4 class, minimum.

2) Read Shaar Lematchil, the easy Hebrew newspaper. It comes out once a week. Use the dictionary to figure out the hard words.

3) Read children's books, especially if they were written originally in English and you are familiar with it. This will give you a "child's language" which you will need if you are going to be speaking to your child exclusively in Hebrew.

4) If you have a television, watch children's shows in Hebrew. If you have a video, watch children's videos (Rechov Sumsum comes to mind. I also enjoyed Shalom Lach Orachat). They are not as hard as adult shows.

5) Bring whatever you are reading (ulpan book, newspaper) and a dictionary with you wherever you go! You never know when you will have a spare moment to work on your Hebrew or when you will come across a new word. All those spare minutes really add up!

It is hard to be out of the loop when everyone else is speaking a language that you are still not fluent in. Often times you have to simplify what you would like to say because you do not have the language to communicate more sophisticated way. But I think you have to start with small steps, and these ways that I wrote about have really improved my Hebrew, even though I have not spent much time in Israel for about 20 years.

Good luck!
Shifra

Imaonwheels

Sun, May 13 2007, 3:24 am

amother wrote:

Thats ok, I was determined to make my childrens' mama loshon Hebrew because of the effect language has on thinking. I began speaking in Hebrew when preg w/dd in the US. I married a man who spoke fluent English and Spanish and pidgeon Hebrew. He learned to speak fluent Ivrit in our totally Hebrew household. You should hear what people say to me. We have 2 ears so that what goes in one can sometimes be pushed right out of the other side Tongue Out

shalhevet

Sun, May 13 2007, 7:34 am

mimivan wrote:

[quote="Imaonwheels] You should hear what people say to me. We have 2 ears so that what goes in one can sometimes be pushed right out of the other side Tongue Out

Do you mean you get comments from irate Anglos for "depriving" your childen of Enlish, as I do?[/quote]

Don't we just! Everyone from my mother (English) to my MIL (Israeli) to every perfect stranger I meet anywhere feels entitled to lecture me on what a terrible mother I am that I don't speak to my children in English. Exploding anger

greenfire

Sun, May 13 2007, 12:00 pm

amother wrote:

sorry ... then but 2 languages would be more FUN - but only if you could hack it ... and why would you teach 2 kids 2 separate languages ... I must be missing s/t

chocolate moose

Sun, May 13 2007, 12:09 pm

You prob. should speak to your children in all Hebrew, such as it is.

I have a French friend who spoke French to her oldest - in America, American husband, but the kid had some learning problems so she switched to all English, and only speaks to all the kids in English.

Her English isn't perfect, but it's gotten a lot better over the 20 plus years she's been doing this. I'm sure yours will too.

And yes, when her parents were alive, they couldn't speak to her kids, and that was rough..... that's a subject to address separately, I think. Not all kids can handle different languages, age notwithstanding!