Car seats/Boosters for 3yo carpool

amother

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 5:52 pm

So I have my (almost) 3yo is a FF 5 point harness. I plan on keeping him in it for awhile yet.

We are going to be carpooling (starting next week) and 2-3 times a week I will be driving another (small) 3yo. I spoke to his parents and they currently have him in a backless booster. and they have an extra one they can send with him.

so two questions.... can I "demand" (request) that they put DS in a FF 5 point harness? (I have an extra convertible that I can send tho it will be annoying to shlep) Or that he be in a high back booster?

And then can I "force" the other kid to be in a 5 point harness? Or high back booster? Or do I just use the backless they are sending?

We are talking about a less then 5 minute drive. not that it makes a difference since most accidents happen close to home...

What are your thoughts on the matter?

MaBelleVie

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:16 pm

I would not drive a three year old in any booster, backless or not. Having the parents permission doesn't make it safe for the child, and it definitely won't help your conscience if chvs something happened. If he's a small child he probably doesn't even meet the requirements for legally using the booster.

No big deal to have rules in your car that he doesn't have in his car. I can't imagine parents stopping you from harnessing him.

animeme

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:19 pm

You can provide the other driver with an extra five point harness booster to use with your son, but you can't make them install it. So you can put it in whenever they pick your son up, and if you drive home when they've dropped off, you can talk to the school playgroup about keeping the seat for the day and you can reinstall it into your car and use it for the other child.

I don't expect the parents to object to the five point harness, but the kid might. In that case, a compromise might be to use it as a high back booster, if the child is big enough. If not, or if you aren't OK with that, and they're not OK with your rules, you don't carpool with them.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:23 pm

animeme wrote:

You can provide the other driver with an extra five point harness booster to use with your son, but you can't make them install it. So you can put it in whenever they pick your son up, and if you drive home when they've dropped off, you can talk to the school playgroup about keeping the seat for the day and you can reinstall it into your car and use it for the other child. If they are picking up, you have a problem.

I don't expect the parents to object to the five point harness, but the kid might. In that case, a compromise might be to use it as a high back booster.

Why would a three year olds objections be considered when he is demanding something unsafe? A small three year old likely doesn't fit properly in a high back booster either, and he almost definitely doesn't have the maturity to sit still for the duration of the ride.

Mimisinger

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:28 pm

Unfortunately, this has to be discussed while making the carpool. I would not carpool with anyone unless they held to my standards. I had a bad experience once regarding this. You have to trust these people with the lives of your children.

Expect nothing less than what's safe.

animeme

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:28 pm

A three year old's objection would be relevant if the child will not sit there, has to be forced in kicking and screaming, and/or can unbuckle himself and will do so. In that case you have an untenable situation.

This has happened to me with a kid who was used to a less restrictive seat than I provided. I won't fight more than the initial couple of times, so if there's no workable compromise, there's no carpool.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 6:31 pm

animeme wrote:

Right. If I were in that situation I would explain to the parents and let them decide whether to manage the behaviors on their own or to find a new carpool.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 7:47 pm

kb wrote:

A 3 year old can be in a booster. I weighed mine before I bought it, and he fits the guidelines. And he's not a particularly big kid.

A three year old can technically meet the criteria for a seat and still have a terrible fit. An example of a terrible fit for a child that young would be the belt hitting his neck instead of going from right above the shoulder across the chest, and/or the belt going across the abdomen instead of low hips/thighs. A terrible fit can be deadly.

However, even the right fit wouldn't make a booster appropriate for a three year old. Because almost all three year olds are too immature to stay seated correctly the entire ride, which is the only way they will be protected.

Rutabaga

Thu, Sep 04 2014, 8:23 pm

When my daughter was 3, I carpooled with mothers who had 4 year olds. DD sat in a car seat and the other girls sat in boosters. There was one girl who kept unbuckling. I had to keep pulling the car over to rebuckle her. Threats didn't work. So I went and bought a bunch of stickers and other cheap prizes and I announced that everyone who sat nicely would get one when we got to our destination. Worked like a charm. I used the trick again that summer when I had a crier in the car on the way to camp.

amother

Fri, Sep 05 2014, 11:30 am

animeme wrote:

we are only carpooling for afternoon pickup so it would be a daily shlep if both of us need to use it... and she would have to install it by carpool pick up and uninstall it when dropping him off at the afternoon sitter.
I dunno why I didnt think of this before. embarrassed

I really need to carpool tho. now im only leaving work 2-3 x a week (and staying late to make up for it) I really cant do that every day. (when I signed DS up for this playgroup DH had a diff schedule and was going to be able to do the pickups... but thats all changed Confused

)

thanks for the sticker idea in case the other kid balks at getting harnessed.

amother

Fri, Sep 05 2014, 2:03 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

Can she keep your child's seat in her car? She would be expected to buy an appropriate seat for her own child to keep in your car.

she has a few kids and other carpools and a 7 seater minivan, so she wouldnt be able to keep it buckled all the time. also I still need the extra car seat sometimes for other cars. unless I would have to buy yet ANOTHER car seat? I dont have money to just keep buying. Mad

MaBelleVie

Fri, Sep 05 2014, 3:16 pm

The standard arrangement is that each parent buys the necessary seats for carpool, unless the driver happens to have an extra appropriate seat. Does he only fit in a very expensive seat? Is an extra seat for your other car a necessity?