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Punishment for kid who can't keep his hands to himself



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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 4:18 pm
what is an appropriate punishment for a almost 6 year old child who won't keep his hands to himself? He is always pushing or smushing hissiblings and just scratched one of his brothers on both sides of his face the moment he got home. We've tried time out he never learns.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 4:23 pm
Sounds like he has sensory needs that are not being met. Instead of punishing, focus on finding appropriate ways for him to get those needs met. The out of sync child is a great book to read for insight and ideas.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 4:46 pm
MaBelleVie wrote:
Sounds like he has sensory needs that are not being met. Instead of punishing, focus on finding appropriate ways for him to get those needs met. The out of sync child is a great book to read for insight and ideas.


I need immediate ideas please. ;(
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 4:53 pm
I could've written this word for word about my 7 year old.
He definitely has a ensure issues.
I'll be watching this thread.
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kb




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 5:05 pm
No experience in the matter, but is this something that he does all day? Or is it a release for him?

In other words, let's say you give him 5 pounds of challah dough to knead. When he finishes that, will he still go around being physical? Or will that give him some time to behave (when you can reinforce his positive behavior).

And perhaps behavioral therapy would help?
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 6:14 pm
Maybe he's looking for attention (either from you or his siblings) and doesn't care if it's positive or negative.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 6:17 pm
I didn't have this specific problem but when kids would fight, hit, yell, I made them a chart & they could give themselves a star every time they wanted to hit/fight/yell but controlled themselves. Of course, they could have made it up too... but I am not so good at following through, so me giving the star would not have lasted long.

You can offer a prize for whole family such as a game they can all play, CD, or outing, when e/o fills in their charts etc.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 6:30 pm
I agree with the sensory thing, but not instead of punishment. You still need to punish, with a manageable consequence. My dd loves to use the computer. She gets half an hour of time a day, but any time she hits or licks or whatever,she loses five minutes. I also go away from her if she hits or licks me, which is a big deal for her.

On a sensory plane, there are simple things you can do for prevention. Seat him at the end of the table without anyone next to him to give him space and lack of targets. I he bites or licks, give him gum (before, not after). Run him around a little and have him do things that really use his muscles (digging, monkey bars), particularly before a crowded time or right after school.

Someone recommended The Out of Sync Child. It's a book you might want to get through at some point. But for now they also sell a set of cards that have various exercises on them that you can do with him. You can order them on amazon. Pick a few, see what he likes, and then do them with him daily if possible, for maybe five minutes. My crazy 6 year old and my no boundaries autistic kid both somehow calm down to do a starfish- lying flat on their back, limbs fanned out straight, staring straight up.

Not fun. Hatzlacha.


Last edited by animeme on Mon, Sep 08 2014, 9:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 6:32 pm
Found them.

http://www.amazon.com/In-Sync-.....67357
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amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 8:54 pm
I have a SN daughter who is exactly like this! She's always hitting , scratching and standing on kids... Nonstop! How is this sensory related?
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 9:12 pm
Amother, google "sensory seeking". Most of us think of sensory as avoiding things, like touch or noise. But many kids are the opposite. They crave it and will get it any way they can. They also feel a need within their body to move, to feel some sort of pressure, etc. And often they have a problem with proprioception: experiencing their bodies in space. They may not notice if they have hit someone, or not realize how hard.

Even when it's behavioral, the fact that they choose this particular way to act out is often related to that feeling within their bodies. So if you take the edge off of that for them, it makes it a little easier for them to express frustration in a different way.

If your kid has an OT, you can bring all of this up with her. Maybe she'll have some ideas for you.
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 08 2014, 10:30 pm
First of all, time outs may not have made the problem disappear overnight, but they do send a message to the child. I would recommend keeping the time outs in place. However, you should not be yelling at him and showing frustration. You need to remain calm and in control.

You also need to address the cause of the problem. He might be seeking attention, in which case it would help to spend a lot of quality time with just him. Cuddle with him every night and read him bedtime stories. Play games with him. Take him out for pizza or ice cream- just him alone.

It is likely that he has sensory issues. There is no quick fix for that, if you are not educated about sensory issues. You need to read up about it so you can understand what it feels like to be him. He doesn't feel things the same way you do, so you can't be much of a help if you don't understand where he's coming from.

Some helpful things you might want to look into are:

- a weighted vest or compression vest

-deep pressure massage

-joint compressions

-Water play, rice bucket, different textures of putty, shaving cream...

-Swings, and different organizing movements and positions
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 1:53 am
It may or may not be sensory related. There's not enough info in your op to determine that. But I'm curious to know if you've tried to figure out WHY he is hitting/smushing/scratching? Are his siblings being obnoxious or provocative in any way? Is HE perceiving them as obnoxious or provocative? He sounds very very frustrated. What's going on at school? At home? At 6 years old, he's old enough for a calm conversation about why he does the things he does, but at a calm time when feelings between you are positive, NOT after an incident. Ask him if he has any idea why he hits? Ask him how he is feeling in his body just before he hits. See if you can get some firsthand information from your son. You won't know how to remedy the problem until you know what the problem actually is.
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yo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 2:50 am
You could try doing a behavioral chart with him. The most important thing to keep in mind if you do it, is that you're trying to reinforce the good behavior. So you should write the chart and speak with him about "keeping his hands by his side"or "using his hands in a positive way" or something like that. When you tell your kid what not ti do instead of what you expect him to do, its much more difficult for them to know what to do instead. Also, this way you׳re speaking to him and focusing about the positive, instead of him getting attention about the negative.
I also think that you may want to check the sensory issue.

Hatzlacha!!
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 6:45 am
I forgot to mention something I've done a couple of times. When your ds is having a particularly bad day, take some gushers or some small candy, and tell him he gets one candy for every ten minutes minutes that he doesn't hurt anyone. Or, two or three candies every half hour if he didn't misbehave for the entire half hour.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 7:33 am
the world's best mom wrote:
I forgot to mention something I've done a couple of times. When your ds is having a particularly bad day, take some gushers or some small candy, and tell him he gets one candy for every ten minutes minutes that he doesn't hurt anyone. Or, two or three candies every half hour if he didn't misbehave for the entire half hour.

Some children find this micro-attention to their every action to be especially irritating and stressful and it can actually trigger the behaviors you are trying to improve. I wouldn't try anything without first identifying the source of the problem.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 7:43 am
I would also be wary of building positive behaviors and eliminating ones like this using bursts of food coloring. I let my kids have some food coloring, but try not to let my dd have when she's acting crazy like this because I see a definite connection. A better food for this might be chocolate chips, the semi sweet kind. That's often enough of a treat.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 10:23 am
For age 6, probably better to reward with tokens toward a goal. I strongly support rewarding minimal success, and then building; and tme outs. We have posted all over the house, "No hurting people. No hurting things." Breaking that rule is a short, immediate time out.

Another quick and easy idea is to create an obstacle course in the house involving climbing under and over things, and maybe some jumping, sliding, squeezing through, or swinging. It can be the first thing he does upon getting home. Use your furniture and your imagination.

But seriously, get an evaluation.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 09 2014, 2:47 pm
1. calming down list: create a list of activities w/pictures for him to do when he is getting angry and ready to hit.

2. Have alternatives to hitting in place. playdough, pillows, punching bags, etc.

3. at the end of the day everyone gets an icecream cone with 3 scoops (tiny spoonfuls). For every fight, you loose one scoop. For every kind behavior, you gain one, up to __ scoops.

I got so much mileage out of that last one- it worked for years.
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