Shaving etc | Imamother

Motek

Wed, May 04 2005, 8:29 pm

You can give her the book called something like the Wonder of Being You (title?) written by a frum woman, Jewish publisher which is meant for frum mothers to give their pre-teen daughters

anybody have exact information about the book?

gryp

Sun, May 08 2005, 7:30 pm

I dont want to bring in any pessimism but when I was going through early teenage years, many girls in my class were given that book by their mothers/ read from that book together with their mothers. we were all very embarrassed by that book, and treated it as one big joke. what can I say except that that is the last book I would ever use to explain things to my daughters and it made us all very uncomfortable and embarrassed every time that book was even hinted at.

Tefila

Sun, May 08 2005, 10:33 pm

I wouldn't teach my daughters to shave. But wax when they're teenagers and only when it would start to bother them. Underarms ,wax hurts terribly so that I will tell advise them to shave. Maybe show them for the first time. Or take them to a beautician who can teach them.

Motek

Mon, May 09 2005, 8:10 am

RG wrote:

sounds like the book was given too late
the book is in Feldheim's junior division and I would think it's appropriate for a 9-12 year old, not a teenager. And anyway, although we're talking about this in the Teen section, a mother better inform her 9-10 year old of "coming attractions" and not wait until she's a teen. True, she might not need the info. until she's a teen, but then again, she might!

so what age were you talking about RG?

I can't imagine a 9 year old treating like a joke. A teen, more likely.

also, considering the nature of the subject, it's inherently uncomfortable and embarrassing to discuss it (despite those who think they can present it as "so beautiful"), so I don't think that's a reason not to give the book to a young girl. What else do you have to offer?

Motek

Mon, May 09 2005, 8:30 am

you can type in "menstruation first average" into google and get information

although average first period is between ages 12-14, it can and does start earlier by some!

also, it's not just about getting your period - there are physical changes that take place in the two years preceding that, that girls will notice and the book mentioned above, and any book/article on the subject, describes the many physical changes that take place

gryp

Mon, May 09 2005, 9:53 am

im pretty sure we were 11-12 years old. I guess it wasnt early teenage years then.
what else would I offer, I dont know which is why I think a lot about what I would do. I think a few simple explanations would be enough but maybe im wrong.

Motek

Mon, May 09 2005, 10:38 am

RG wrote:

we were all very embarrassed by that book, and treated it as one big joke.

"we"?

I didn't talk about any of this with my peers. I can't tell you whether others girls in my class did, just that it did not come up in conversation with my friends.

gryp

Mon, May 09 2005, 10:52 am

of course, "we"
that book was a class joke, and in school all of us shared everything we found out with each other.
I thought every class did that...

but it wasnt one of the things I talked about with my friends either, but I went to a small school and if your class was talking about something, everyone was involved because we were a small class (10-14 girls)

Sunshine

Mon, May 09 2005, 4:13 pm

I think 9 is a little young to talk about all the changes from A to Z unless the mother and grandmother all started to mature early. From what I understand, the age one physically matures is arround the time their mother did. So if the mother started at 12 then 9 is young to have the descution. One definatly wants to make sure to speak about this b4 their kid gets their first period or it will be embarrasing and scary but not much earlier then necessary. We also had a frum CNM come to our class and speak about it when we were 11/12.

amother

Thu, May 12 2005, 7:35 pm

Quote:

it\'s inherently uncomfortable and embarrassing to discuss it (despite those who think they can present it as "so beautiful")

what is embarrassing in the way Hashem created us?

It all depends on how the subject is presented. My mother made me feel very special about it.

(It is privite, but not embarrassing)

chavamom

Fri, Aug 19 2005, 12:04 am

Sunshine wrote:

Actually, statistically the age is getting younger and younger, even within families. There is a lot of discussion in scientific circles about why this is, theories about hormones in meat, more body fat, more artificial light, but it is a recognized phenomena. My mother was 15 when she started her first period, I was 12. By 11/12 quite a number of those girls will already be developing and many of them menstruating.

The other issue is that even in a frum school, by age 11/12, they will quite possibly have found out from other girls. My 9 year old came and asked me last year when a classmate said something to her (the classmate is a year older, btw). I'm just glad she felt comfortable coming and asking me rather than relying on her classmate for all her info!

Purple Hug Bunny

Fri, Aug 19 2005, 3:37 pm

Quote:

I am so glad to see this subject on athis site. I have never shaved my legs
I have very thin light hair so it is not neccesary. I also wear thick pantyhose so it doesnt show. My daughter is not so lucky. She is 13, and has very black hairs. Her legs look awful. The problem is 1- I cant show her how to shave cause I have never done it myself. 2- I live in an ultra, ultra chasidishe place and shaving is not exactly something kids here do.
Where I live it is unacceptable to do many things. Though things get done any ways by the people like me who are not so frum( crazy!!)My mother never spoke to me about anything. exept before I left for camp she gave me pads just in case. I found out most of it from freinds and many other no good sources. I dont feel comfortable talking to my oldest daughter about it. What do I tell her? how do I guide her? (about her period, I only told her that it was normal for this to happen to girls her age.)

lol amother, are you sure you're not my sister?
I'm just being sarcastic, as none of my sisters have a computer, let alone internet.
My mom was just like yours. she explained it to me when I was 12 and got my first pd. she just told me that it means that now I'm a big (mature) girl and just showed me how to use the pad. that's about it..
I do think this varies greatly bec. I'm chasidish..
Noone here shaves legs as kids.

carrot

Fri, Aug 19 2005, 6:10 pm

interesting topic. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I remember my mom telling me that if I shave it will make the hair coarse and prickly and she took me to a nice salon to get my legs waxed for the first time.

I mostly waxed after that (although never again in such a high-class salon), but I've also since discovered that you can save a lot of money and time (and solve the problem of the hair growing back in between waxings) by dying leg hair. you don't see it at all even in the sheerest nude pantyhose.

btw rg I also remember "the wonder of becoming you" as quite nerdy. I kept looking for the interesting part and it never came. I guess because I knew that stuff already, my mother told me.

I also remember joking and giggling with classmates. looking words up in the dictionary, etc... I think it's normal. it was fun to giggle. I felt cool and with it and very mature. but I knew the basic facts before it came up with friends. I imagine that if I hadn't known I might have felt lost and embarrassed.