Gemachim in Toronto info and VENT

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 4:09 pm

My DD who is in shidduch really needs some dressy clothing she is a size 6 but tall .We can't afford the regular stores at this time.

We have tried the walk in closet and the lady is lovely but for some reason she has not gotten non ratty items donated to her lately,people are consigning stuff and $300 sweaters or shoes is simply out of our reach .

Someone who works for BC told me Bikur Cholim has a gemach and gave us the # but the woman who picked up the phone was very dry and unfriendly and told us it no longer exists shock

(I'm not even sure this is true but was too stunned and frankly embarrassed to press her)

I am so sad Crying

I hope someone knows something s she can get some quality items .She recently went to a shabbaton for singles and found herself painfully under dressed and realized she needs to get some more items . She works a few days a week but that $ is used on transportation ,her student loan is used for her college tuition and as a first year student has a very heavy course load .

Thank you for any leads

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 5:27 pm

Have you checked out any high-quality thrift shops? It takes time to go thru the racks and you have to look over the merchandise carefully to make sure there are no stains or defects, plus of course you have to wash or dry-clean it before use, but you can get some excellent things, barely used or sometimes even brand-new, for fairly little. As long as your dd isn't makpid on having the very latest fashions from this month's fashionzine, thrift shops can be an excellent resource. And because the merchandise isn't hot off the presses, you're more likely to find longer skirts than in regular stores.

Even run of the mill thrift shops can yield good buys. The thrift shop I go to is in a poor neighborhood, and carries a lot of junk, but especially in smaller sizes, 6 being a small size, you can find classy and classic clothes like 100% wool skirts, blazers, even the occasional skirt suit and silk blouses.

I agree that frum stores are to be avoided. The prices are insane.

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 5:28 pm

OP .

This is a family on Tomchei shabbos with about $20 at the end of the month if lucky (not lazy but suffering with health issues), no macys here and target stuff is still to expensive at this time and not like the US .

Reality is that getting money for ones stuff has become more appealing option for people than donating to a FREE closet like Bikur Cholim . Even here on this siteI just noticed an add to get $$$ back and consign good quality stuff .

So as a poor person I encourage you ladies to please selflessly donate at least a few items rather that expect a resell on everything, needy people are suffering right now due to lack of donations . If you are very rich consider your donation a chessed and tzedaka.

DD is not looking to keep up with the cohens Sad

is about having stuff that is long enough on a tall thin body . We don't expect Chanel just stuff without holes ,non peeled , warm and only if lucky cute and trendy as a bonus .

Crying

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 5:41 pm

Ok we will try the thrift shop route .

I was trying to avoid this route as I can see from her sad face that the experience is not your typical "happy shopping" girls get.

We normally have to spend HOURS looking through stuff that is often not long enough ,smells or is simply outdated and if we are lucky find one or 2 things after all that time .I guess we need to get better or drive to different locations.

B'H one day when she is done with Law school she will be able to afford better ,she is a good kid .

The $300 sweater was from a consignment site shock

we visited on FB thinking maybe we could afford something there.

SplitPea

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 5:42 pm

I am sorry if I sound harsh but if she can't afford tznius clothing how will she afford rent? Food? A wedding ? A sheital? And all the other cost that Come after getting married. If she works I doubt 100% of her pay goes to transportation. She will need to save up little by little to get $50-60 together for some new clothing. There are tons of sites to shop at online were you can find things in normal price ranges.

Before guilting the women if this form for not donating their clothing (and I am sure many/most do at some point just not the very nice expensive stuff) think about what you are asking!

There are thrift shops, etc to go to. Maybe take a babysitting job 1-2 nights a week just to pay for new clothing?

There are ways to make it work. If she is In shiduchim this won't be your last expense....

SplitPea

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 5:44 pm

amother wrote:

we visited on FB thinking maybe we could afford something there.

Law school is a privilege many can't
Afford.
You must make sacrifices NOW
For the payout later. If she is unable to make those sacrifices maybe she needs to think of a line of work with less intensive/costly schooling?

Ps 90% of my clothing is from a thrift shop!

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 6:21 pm

Hello, is your sensitivity chip off ? Crying

This girl has a health issue in the family that = less income
She lives at home and helps her family pay RENT ( their home was lost/foreclosed)
She has a student loan and WORKS to help as much as she can. Her goal is law school but she is not there yet she is still at the BA stage .considering switching to paralegal studies instead due to cost.

I ONLY posted for information in case there were other gemachim we did not know off and as a vent and frankly you are being mean and insensitive to a parent who feels sad that her child is enduring embarrassment and hardship due to poverty .

I did not ask for a donation from you or anyone but only urged people to consider sharing a few items with their local charity shops as a chessed for girls in similar situations.

Hashem sees and knows all the pain we endure.

FYI, Vent on the title means somebody is feeling very upset and is not welcoming of your harsh criticism when the feeling is raw and the pain intense . Crying

zaq

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 6:41 pm

SplitPea wrote:

You may be fine with this because for you, thrift shops are a choice. But when it is not a choice but a "must" the feeling is very different. Also you may have a great thrift shop nearby, but some thrifts are nothing more than garbage dumps. If OP has been going to one of those, who can blame her dd for feeling sad?

How unfair to assume op's dd cannot make sacrifices. Seems to me she is already making sacrifices. Law school is hopefully an investment in her future. Will giving up and becoming a clerical worker bring her in much more money? Maybe right now, but not in the long run.

In any case, the girl is in shidduchim. Give her a break! Dressing well at this juncture is also an investment in her future. Of course the girl is a jewel and any young man with even a modicum of discernment should be able to see that, but presentation is important. The crown jewels will not garner much respect in a crumpled, tattered cardboard box, but even a modest pendant looks more impressive in satin-lined velvet. A girl in shidduchim needs at least a little "satin-lined velvet" in her presentation, too. OP is not asking for the latest fashions from Vogue but for a few pieces of well-fitted clothing in decent condition and long enough to satisfy standards of Tzniut. Is that too much to ask for?

SplitPea

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 6:44 pm

amother wrote:

Hello, is your sensitivity chip off ? Crying

I am not trying to be insensitive.

At the end of the month our bank account is zero as well. We take tomchei as well. I have a 3 year home and not in school because we can't afford it. We cloth diaper because we can't afford regular diapers.
And we SHOP AT THRIFT STORES.

The fact that thrift store shoping makes her sad and you were UPSET that there were no gemachs for clothing and that you even LOOKED at a $300 sweater puts us in different look outs.

I would not look at not even think of owning a $300 piece of clothing (my wedding dress costs $99 + $75 for alterations!

I personally get upset at the entitles attitude some have and the idea that we must have these nice clothing that no other culture in the world wears.

It's possible to dress nicely, tzniusly cheaply. If the family is THAT poor I honestly wonder why they have not learned these things before now.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 6:50 pm

this is good stuff. Buy a little large, it shrinks in the wash. Wash inside out, in cold water. Air dry if convenient. Doesn't need ironing in general. Long. Go down the page for the dresses. You wear stuff over them; layers, layers.

http://www.dharmatrading.com/c......html

This shell is good, comes in colors, fits close which is good for wearing under things. Buy slightly large.

http://www.dharmatrading.com/c......html

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 7:05 pm

we simply saw the sweater in a picture posted on Fb clicked and ONLY then saw it was $300 ,we did not even bother visiting the store.

The family was not always so broke ,it happened due to health issues in the family . Be careful with judging harshly as some could ask why are YOU not furthering your education and living off TS if you and DH are both healthy and able bodied . Judgement is an ugly thing (just making my point and pointing out how the insensitive view people like you)

Thanx Zaq , yes we do shop at trift shops and other gemachim ONLY no new stuff for now . but the gemach has been a fail because people are not donating and selling their stuff instead. And yes we will drive around to other places tomorrow in the hopes of finding other less picked through places.

Split pea nobody is entitled here and as a parent I just wanted to help my girl find some shabbos clothes so that she will not be embarrased with crappy ones.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 7:13 pm

There are some terrific finds at Salvation Army stores, and other thrift shops. It is a matter of looking. The stuff is clean and in good condition. It helps if they are near a wealthy neighborhood. I have friends who swear by them.

I have one friend whose wedding gown came from a thrift shop, or vintage antique clothing shop, you get the idea. It was old, used.

She had it dry-cleaned and she looked great. Satin, long sleeves, high neck, loooong train, the whole nine yards. Fit great too. She had to take up the hem in the front, that was not hard, she just tacked it, and it was fine.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Mon, Nov 10 2014, 10:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 7:31 pm

Here is advice from a poor person who has always been poor. Why would you want to pay $300 on a clothing item? You can find things in cheap stores and on Ebay that look the same, if all that matters is looks.
What is more important for your DD? Appearance? I always have been underdressed and treated as a poor woman, but I am very happy to be more knowledgeable than all those people. And now I brag on this forum embarrassed

amother

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 7:33 pm

I'm not the OP but OP I'm sorry that there are some insensitive comments in this thread Sad

I lived in Toronto for a short time as a newlywed... I remember this store called winners? Do they possibly have any nice tops for under $20? (which I know is a lot esp when the bank is in the negatives)
if not, then is it possible to contact a local rebbetzin if they know of any clothing store? perhaps one of the many chabads can help out? (the chabad in thornhill, flamingo, etc.)

good luck and I give you a bracha that your daughter should find her wonderful zivug bkarov, and may he always appreciate her for who she is on the inside!

SRS

Sun, Nov 09 2014, 7:37 pm

The fact that young people without jobs believe they need a fancy wardrobe to be able to date is an indictment. Leaving that aside, just stick it out with the second hand shopping. If you want to put priority on building an inexpensive wardrobe, you need to be patient. Regular shopping at higher quality thrift shops, less expensive consignment shops (some consignment shops are beyond pricey, but others are fantastic), or get creative and organize a clothing swap at your shul. Most people aren't rolling in dough and if they are consigning, they might be open to a swap too, but they need to get some value out of their "inventory." It is nice to be generous, but perhaps we should give the people with the pricey clothing the benefit of the doubt that they are doing what is proper for their family.

Now to the actual dating, it doesn't sound like your daughter is going to have much to her name when she marries. Perhaps she should think about the image that she intends to project at Shabbatons through her dress and think about where she needs to be financially to make a marriage practical on the financial end. I don't find the criticism of the gemachs and former donors to be attractive, especially coming from a family with limited means, even reliant. Getting out of a tough financial background will take work and she might find that a practical and long term approach to gashmius pays dividends because there are many young men who want to marry a young lady that is willing to put in the hard work to get from one financial station to the next.