Is a child's weight the parent's responsibility?

southernbubby

Fri, May 25 2007, 3:34 pm

I unfortunately see far too many morbidly obese children in the frum community. Almost always, the parents are heavy as well. I once read an article about a 13yr old girl who died of heart failure weighing over 600lbs and the parents were charged with neglect. In Sweden, children are weighed by school nurses or gym teachers and weight problems are dealt with before they become full blown. Obese children are at risk for diabetes and heart disease. Should parents be held accountable?

Sunangel

Fri, May 25 2007, 3:45 pm

This is a common question of nuture vs. nature. Is obesity genetic or does it stem from improper nutrition and lack of excercise. I feel it is both. A child might be gentically pedetermined to be overweight, that does not mean a parent should not instill proper nutrition and make sure the child excercises. My little sister (ten years old) is slightly pudgy and my parents make sure she eats properly, drinks only water and she takes dance and swim to make sure she moves. She is still our chunky baby girl but she is very healthy. The health of one's child is most certainly a parent's responsibility.

amother

Sat, May 26 2007, 12:12 pm

Its a parent's job to instill proper eating habits in their kids. If the parents themselves are heavy, they are teaching their kids the wrong thing, generally. So yes, the parents are pretty responsible.
Once a kid gets a certain age, it's a little different.
As to how accountable the parents are- if the parents try to make sure the kid eats healthily, and encourage the kids to excercize (by example and not just telling), then the parents shouldn't be held accountable if ch'v anything happens to the kids.

HindaRochel

Sat, May 26 2007, 12:50 pm

Depends on what age the weight problem started. When you see children who are quite young who are heavy, the parents often hold some responsibility. As the children get older, the onus shifts to the child. The closer the child is to adulthood the more the responsiblity lies on their shoulder.

Ruchel

Sat, May 26 2007, 1:57 pm

weighing at school? Wow the teasing that must happen…..
many kids and teens are obese, many adults too. What can I say….

It’s impossible to force a kid to eat properly or exercise if he hates it imo.

southernbubby

Sat, May 26 2007, 7:44 pm

I remember a girl in my B'Nei Brith Girls group who was a little older than I. She was obese throughout childhood. A few years ago we were re-united. She was in a nursing home and had no feet and was on dialysis. She passed away about a year ago. Diabetes had claimed her life. It was both sad and preventable.

Esther01

Sat, May 26 2007, 8:22 pm

so maybe you all have advice for me. my 3 year old dd was a pudgy baby and still is,but now it's not only baby fat. whoever sees her and hears how old she is says "wow, she's a big girl". (she wieghs 43 lbs, and was 3 in January)

I try to instill good eating habits, I give nutritious breakfast and supper, lunch is at playgroup. now in the summer we are a lot outdoors and she runs, plays, jumps etc. of course she has cookies and pretzels too, but there is bearly any real junk in my house (btw I come from a very health minded home, but dealt with over wieght issues since I was a teen)

I feel that I am doing what I should be doing as a mother, but she is just overwieght!!

any advice would be appreciated.

southernbubby

Sat, May 26 2007, 8:41 pm

One of my children at that age was getting into the fridge and eating large amounts of fruit so I bought a lock for the fridge! Some little kids drink loads of juice or eat several cookies at a time. Each cookie is over 100 calories. Luckily, we live next to a large park with a playground and our kids were able to run off some of their calories. I feel that if there is an overweight child in the house, it is time to get rid of all junk food. I also lost my mother to diabetes and she was overweight from infancy.
I realize that it is hard to put the whole family on a diet for one child but it may be p'kuach nefesh. If you have insurance coverage, you may be able to see a nutritionist and if you don't the health department probably has one. There are probably tons of websites with ideas for meals for overweight kids.

raizy

Sat, May 26 2007, 9:21 pm

a lock on a fridge for eating tons of fruit . what were u poor that u cant afford fruit. halva my child who is overweight eat so much fruit that he wont have place for other stuff.

and I dont buy any junk food. only pretzels and some cookies. plain. and snacks for school.not real junk food.

and yes I have one overweight child. but my other 4 are o.k. and I have one underweight child. and they all live in the same house. yes I am overweight . more bc I dont have time for exersices. since I had the kids.

Tefila

Sat, May 26 2007, 10:32 pm

I can't speak for others. But what I can say until my fifth child I never had a weight issue, never ever though I never ate right nor dieted was just lucky then I guess ..... Now I do Crying

My children are all slender B"H However my 3 yr old twin though has an appetite and though she is still slim if I left her to her own resources she would raid the fridge and cabinet all day so I have to guide her and distract her .

I encourage my kids to have good eating habits though I do have treats in the house sometimes. B/c I never want my kid to have an issue even if it means as a mother way later on, like I am dealing with now.

Oh by the way for the mother who said her 3 yr old is 43lbs whats so terrible my twins almost 3 each are approx 32lbs not much less Confused

PinkandYellow

Sun, May 27 2007, 12:36 am

Quote:

Oh by the way for the mother who said her 3 yr old is 43lbs whats so terrible my twins almost 3 each are approx 32lbs not much less

32lbs at 3 is about 50th % and relatively average and healthy. 10 lbs more then that is alot!
also, the thing with the fruit, is that fruit have a lot of sugar, yes its natural sugars, but still very fattening in excess.

of course, you can't force a child to diet and exercise if they hate it but if you start them young, from the beg with giving only water to drink and only a small bit of nosh and/or watered down juice on shabbos, it will be much less of an issue as they get older. if you don't go to extremes then it'll just be what the child is used to.

hadasa

Sun, May 27 2007, 1:52 am

One decision I made is that I wil (B"N) never, ever nag a child about his weight. I come from a family with a very strong tendency to obesity. I am trying very hard to instill good eating habits in my children, and B"H so far they're OK, but if I see them starting to gain weight, I know from experience that nagging never helps, and the more parental pressure, the more weight they'll gain. I was only able to successfully lose weight when nobody pressured me about it.

southernbubby

Sun, May 27 2007, 8:29 am

We were not too poor to give the child fruit. If we did not set limits though, the consumption would have been to high to be healthy. Fruit has a lot of sugar and is more beneficial than other sweets but should not be eaten in excess.
What I am talking about is parents being pro-active in preventing morbid obesity which is a life-threatening disease.

hadasa

Mon, May 28 2007, 12:27 am

Personally, I don't see how putting a lock on the fridge will teach a child self-control in the long run. It seems to me it would just make him "eat as much as I can" as soon as the food is not locked away, and cause more problems in the long run.

BTW, some of my kids were quite chubby at three and are either normal or underweight now, so if a child has decent eating habits, I wouldn't worry about weight at this age.

southernbubby

Mon, May 28 2007, 5:45 am

I put the lock on the fridge for the same reason that I locked the cleaning products and medications. They were not safe for the child and I could not be on constant guard. With little children, things happen when the mother turns her head for a minute. We don't leave dangerous things unlocked and expect the child to learn how to stay out of them.

hadasa

Mon, May 28 2007, 6:08 am

I understand what you're saying, but there is a difference between food and other harmful substances. First of all, the danger is less immediate.
Secondly, locking up cleaning supplies and medications will not have psychological implications - once a child is old enough to understand they are not for consumption, he will not have a problem staying away from these things. I just wonder if loocking up food will not make his psychological cravings worse as an adult - when self control becomes all the more important.

southernbubby

Mon, May 28 2007, 7:08 am

The child in question is BH now a parent. It doesn't appear that psychological harm occurred. The point is, a small child does not know what his or her nutritional needs are and relies on the parent for that. If the child takes food without permission and may harm his or her health, the child must be stopped. Children know that they want things that their parents do not want them to have. A child learns to trust that the parent restricts the child for his benefit.

southernbubby

Mon, May 28 2007, 7:48 am

While I agree that nagging and singling out an overweight child will not produce desired results, keeping junk foods out of the house can be done in the same way that we keep treif foods out of the house. Restricting eating to mealtimes rather than giving food all day to keep the child pacified may also teach the child healthy ways to eat.
Our children grew up in Cleveland where some of the neighbors were not frum. They had to ask permission to eat in any house besides ours because they did not have the ability to discern kosher from treif. How is this different from asking permission to eat a cookie?
My mother passed away from diabetes that was caused by her weight. She did not want us kids to be heavy and rationed out the cookies and other treats. On my wedding day, I weighed 87 lbs (I did not have anorexia). She clearly avoided letting me develop her problem.