Pushover vs Sticking up for self

Seraph

Wed, May 30 2007, 11:26 am

Is it a mailah to let yourself be pushed around? Or is it a mailah to stick up for yourself?

I was having a discussion with someone about someone controlling, and this person said that someone that won't give in to the controlling person is just as controlling. I said that there is a difference between trying control other people and to not let people push you around.

This person thought that "lihalacha" you wouldn't be wrong to stick up for yourself and not let yourself be pushed around, but middas hachassidus, that people should strive for is to give in.
I disagreed- did not think its a positive trait to let yourself be a carpet.

What do you say? Is it something to strive for to let yourself be pushed around? Or is it better to actually stick up for yourself?
And which do you do?

HindaRochel

Wed, May 30 2007, 12:05 pm

breslov wrote:

Like cdawnr said, it all depends.

Sometimes the better part of valor is to give in; if it isn't going to bring harm. For example, one spouse NEVER wants to go out for dinner Shabbat night unless they absolutely must.

So most Friday nights are at home. Occasionally the homebody should realize that the other spouse has needs as well, but if this is a big issue for hb spouse I wouldn't argue weekly.

On the other hand if a person is constantly trying to push another around, the other should stand up for him/herself. If not only (in my example) does the spouse want to stay home Fridays, but they never want to go out and in addition expect a five course meal, so what if you were sick etc. etc. standup for oneself! (This example just popped into my head, really because of a discussion my dh and I had were I stated that I wanted to go out for a few of the Yom Tov meals to RK...who Breslov knows but others don't. Dh is more of a homebody but he doesn't make demands, just the conversation led to the example that's all)