Paying for Car Rides

Mommy912

Thu, Jun 16 2005, 8:59 pm

Just wondering,
When you give someone a car ride to out of town, do you think it is appropriate for them to offer to pay a bit towards gas and tolls?
I recently gave 4 people a ride, involving going 20 min. out of my way, listening to a crying baby and shlepping luggage. During the trip I filled up on gas, $40, paid about $10 in tolls. I don't know these people at all, just met them at a Simcha. I know some don't drive for tsnius reasons, but they should set aside a traveling budget and put it to rides. I guess what annoyed me is they just assumed that I would drive them and pay for them and shlep just 'cause I had an empty car and am younger than them - one was an elderly woman who obviously couldn't shlep as they had men load up the car before we left. Also, I don't understand going on a trip without a plan how to get home and just relying on someone to take you. I know I was going anyways and if they would have offered to pay I wouldn't have taken the money, just feeling a little used right now & need to vent.

Motek

Thu, Jun 16 2005, 9:04 pm

wouldn't it have cost you the same amount regardless if they went with you?

I know what you mean by a plan - like were they planning on sleeping at the hall if there were no rides? Rolling Eyes

queen

Fri, Jun 17 2005, 12:48 am

Mommy, I'm like you- wouldn't have taken the money but would want my passengers to have enough tact (and thought!!!!) just to offer. I don't like to think I'm being taken advantage of either.

smile

Fri, Jun 17 2005, 8:10 am

If you anyway had to go and had to pay for all of it, you cant expect it. it doesn't cost more petrol or toll if one person drives or 4. But it would have been nice of them to offer at least.

micki

Fri, Jun 17 2005, 12:20 pm

just had this issue from the other angle. I needed a ride for my sister to ny.
there is a guy here who goes every monday to work in ny. so I asked him, and asked if he can drop her off in crown heights. he said no- he'll only be able to take her to his office in boro park.
a minute later he calls and says, " just wanted to tell you- I'm sure you'll pay for the gas- right?"
now I was annoyed. I had planned on offering $ towards the gas- but for him to call me and ask me to pay for it all?? I think thats rude. especcoially cause he won't even taake her to where I have to go!

Pearl

Mon, Jun 20 2005, 6:23 am

Quote:

queen wrote:

Mommy, I'm like you- wouldn't have taken the money but would want my passengers to have enough tact (and thought!!!!) just to offer. I don't like to think I'm being taken advantage of either.

that's me too!

I absolutely hate it when ppl take ppl for granted!

Quote:

" just wanted to tell you- I'm sure you'll pay for the gas- right?"

micki, that's so rude! he should have waited for you to offer. he's going anyway, and he can always say "no".

Mommy912

Mon, Jun 20 2005, 10:18 am

I think that what I will do next time is ask that they make a donation to tzedaka - leave the amount. up to them but tell them how much the ride cost divided by ppl in the car.

Tefila

Mon, Jun 20 2005, 12:35 pm

Mommy912 wrote:

I think that what I will do next time is ask that they make a donation to tzedaka - leave the amount. up to them but tell them how much the ride cost divided by ppl in the car.

Great Idea Very Happy

Motek

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 8:27 am

Mommy912 wrote:

When you give someone a car ride to out of town, do you think it is appropriate for them to offer to pay a bit towards gas and tolls?

so my husband said that as bachurim, if it was an out-of-town trip, then it was a GIVEN that you contributed towards the costs of the trip

As far as the man asking about $ for gas, I have to say I like the upfront approach far better than the stewing in resentment when people don't contribute approach. And it's a major favor to ask someone who travels alone, to have someone in the car with them!

Another thing, there are some who would say it is not acceptable for a man to be giving a woman/girl a ride. The Rebbe said:

Quote:

"It is worth calling attention to the matter of Jewish women and girls being careful about riding in a taxi or car driven by a male (where there may possibly be a concern of yichud etc.) and as known the discussion about this matter in sefarim. In such a situation, one should clarify the various laws and details concerning this matter by a Rav who provides halachic decisions."

(Sefer Ha'Sichos 5751, vol. 1, p. 244)

queen

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 10:31 am

Motek wrote:

there are some who would say it is not acceptable for a man to be giving a woman/girl a ride.

motek, more than just "some" would find it inappropriate for a man to take a woman. regardless of being lubavitch or not.

MatzosMama

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 12:41 pm

Mother...I was taken advantage of as well for giving rides...it seemed vthat people would think that I was a personal taxi service.....no more....I ask for moeny to go twards expenses of the trip. I only ask for what they can afford..if they want to quibble...I just point out that a taxi will not go anywhere with out a fare. And that I am not asking for their bank account..just 10 bucks or so for gas and tolls....what is so wrong with this????

****I do drive ppl with out asking for money....this is just for long trips or if the ppl that I am driving are making a habbit out of it, or that are starting to tack advantage of me and my might driving abilities!!*****