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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:29 pm
Has anyone seen it? I just watched it and was wondering what others thought of it.
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luckyme




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:31 pm
Where can I see it?
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:41 pm
My cousin gave me the DVD to watch.

It is interesting. It's about how a womans pregnancy and birth until three years old can effect a child for life.

My cousin was telling me that her and her son saw some of the stuff in the gemara.
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luckyme




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:51 pm
I just read the reviews from Amazon & it sounds amazing! http://www.amazon.com/Babies-J.....B000FDK73C
Do you find that it really changed your perspective? What would you say was the most interesting thing you learned?
I am going to check around to see where I can find it to rent. I have always believed that babies are much more cognizant than we realize...can't wait to see it! Thanks for the heads up Very Happy
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 1:15 pm
It really changed my views with the way I care for my kids. THey say that a baby feels the depression of a parent. And I realized it from after I gave birth to my son. For the whole first year he NEVER went to me and now he started to come over to me and hug me. I feel as though I have missed something out in the first year and hoping he won't be tramatized because of this.

There was one woman (30) her mother died at birth. She was adopted but always felt as though she couldn't love anyone or let anyone close to her. She went to this place and they tried to get her to go back to when she was born. She was saying how she felt as though she was taken away from her mother and only wanted her mothers touch. And at the end she felt the reason why she never loved anyone is only because she never got to say goodbye to her mother.

After seeing the video I realized that babies can feel pain and need love to feel secure.

Another thing was they were showing that babies don't need to be taken from their mother right away but should stay for as long as possible.

* This movie has scenes of a water birth and nursing so not made for husbands *
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luckyme




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 07 2007, 1:54 pm
It's so hard not to second guess yourself as a mother. I have always felt that children are very understanding when it comes to feelings. They are also very forgiving and resiliant!

I can remember times when I was too busy to play or show a proper interest in something they were showing me, or if I lost my temper & yelled. Even after I would apologize and the child seemed happily back to normal - I try to be good about admitting my mistakes to the kids - I still would feel so sad & guilty. But then the kid I yelled at would come over to me & say "Mommy, don't be sad...You are very sorry, and it's okay" and hug me!

I think that if you pour all your love into your baby & tell him how much he means to you, it will just be confirming what he already knows.

I also went through a bit of depression during my last pregnancy and I was concerned about how it would affect my baby. Now that he is here, (he was such a happy little one right from the start, KA"H) I wonder if he knew that I really needed his smiling little face?

You can only do your best...& it sounds like you are a great mommy!

What was the stuff your cousin saw in the Gemara?
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 10 2007, 9:49 am
I wish I could say I am a great mother Sad But I am not. My son doesn't even like me. He would rather go to my sil. Everytime he sees her he cries hysterical for her. I have really ruined him Sad . I even went through therepy to help me which helped but I think it is too late. He is a year and half. In his first year I didn't want anything to do with him and now I am suffering.

I am going to my cousin tonight she will be speaking about it in her class. I will let you know.
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shayna82




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 10 2007, 9:56 am
awww supermom, im sure your a great mother, just look at your screen name. im sure your son loves you. for whatever reason you went thru a hard time, but its not too late to brin ghim closer to you.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 10 2007, 10:41 am
My sister and I made that name together. That is when I had three kids. It doesn't really say too much about me. I wish I were a super mom. Lady
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amother






Post  Sun, Jun 10 2007, 11:22 am
thats why I stay home with my kids till they turn two. in those two years I am there for them and with them and I feel its made a HUGE difference on thier self esteem and they arent clingy and very independant. Im not saying working is bad im just saying that although its SO HARD for me sometimes seeing that it makes kids helps me know that its all worth it.
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gryp




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 10 2007, 11:32 am
Supermom, what steps do you think you can take to repair the image your son has of you?
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 1:24 am
I don't like it when a new book accuses moms of traumatizing their kids for life... especially when 2 years later it's proven wrong and they tackle something else.. I doubt a difficult birth can scarr a child for life. I even doubt a post partum depression can, because I read 65% of the women have it so 65% of the children should be messed up...
A decade ago they said a child was autistic because his mom neglected him. Now of course we know it's not true. But they have made thousands of moms feel like sh*t.

Nowadays everything is child abuse/neglect, parents are afraid of being parents instead of friends, and we have never had as many problem children and teens and therapists for every thing.
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supermom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 2:27 am
GR wrote:
Supermom, what steps do you think you can take to repair the image your son has of you?


I went to therepy which helped me but sometimes I really do dislike my son. Crying I don't know what is wrong with me. Sad I do spend time with him. He is home with me all day (I also have my nine month old home). I don't know if there can be a change. I am trying so hard but there is something blocking.

Luckyme- I went to the class yesterday I came late so naturally I missed most of the class. But one thing I did get was that the torah speaks about Rivka. She had twins two nations with two different needs. They felt, heard and understood when she past through the Beis midrashim and the churchs. Here we learn that yes babies can hear and feel beyond the womb. Only now (about ten years ago or less) the physcologists are saying that babies can hear and feel in the womb.

Maybe someone knows of more ideas that come from the chumash, tanach, or the gemara about this topic.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:24 am
amother wrote:
thats why I stay home with my kids till they turn two. in those two years I am there for them and with them


that's what my mom says (actually she says until the kid is in school all day, which is 3 or 4).
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:26 am
I think a baby can feel the tension if the parents are fighting or if the mother is overhelmed or depressed, but I don’t think it can identify the feeling and think “oh no, mom hates me/hates dad”.
Yes, a baby hears things from the womb, but does it UNDERSTAND… a totally other question, right? I think if a baby understood, he would also understand what you say at birth. Sure, a baby understands maybe a lot more than we know. But it is obvious that the “your baby understands everything you say” trend is nuts.

I know people who were separated from mom after birth (my great aunt was very sick every time she gave birth), and it didn’t have consequences, especially long run. And here I am talking of 2 months in different hospitals. Not common!
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:27 am
Quote:
There was one woman (30) her mother died at birth. She was adopted but always felt as though she couldn't love anyone or let anyone close to her. She went to this place and they tried to get her to go back to when she was born. She was saying how she felt as though she was taken away from her mother and only wanted her mothers touch. And at the end she felt the reason why she never loved anyone is only because she never got to say goodbye to her mother.


There are always stories like this… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem to me that you remember birth moments and feelings… but you sure can put it on your own head. And it doesn’t seem to me that orphans cannot love. Most get married without any problem, I think. Of course it is a traumatism, but I would say it is much, much worse when the child is old enough to be conscious.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:28 am
Quote:
After seeing the video I realized that babies can feel pain and need love to feel secure.


I agree, they do.




Quote:
Another thing was they were showing that babies don't need to be taken from their mother right away but should stay for as long as possible.


Yes, it’s nice if they can stay. But, I am in favour of nurseries in hospitals. It is just too hard especially the 2 or 3 first nights, to have to deal with the baby alone. It is better like this than having the baby ignored, or the mother resentful. I was resentful, but b’h at the nurses, not the baby lol



Quote:
It's about how a womans pregnancy and birth until three years old can effect a child for life.


Here they used to say everything is done, in good or bad, before 5. I see this is even more drastic lol
I am not sure I believe it. But at 3 it is certainly more influencial than at birth.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:29 am
Quote:

I have always felt that children are very understanding when it comes to feelings. They are also very forgiving and resiliant!


That’s what a midwife told me. I will be forever thankful to her. She told me, basically, that I AM the mother, I do what I want (as long as not endangering the child), that you CANNOT be a perfect mother anyway, so you just do what YOU think is right.
A child, especially small, not talking of teen and above, will NEVER not like you, even c’v beaten kids love and defend their abusers.
She told me all that because I was annoyed at the nurses who wouldn’t let me put dd in my bed (I was too weak to pick her up, so it was that or ignoring her). She told me that cosleeping was against the hospital’s rules, but apart from that, in theory I should tell nurses to get lost Wink
I was also stressed because I couldn’t do the baths or diapers without great difficulty so I let all that to dh exclusively. She laughed and told me the baby needs a mom who pays attention to her and cuddles with her, it’s not a problem if someone else washes or changes her (she also implied it’s good that a dh has his share after pregnancy and birth, and learns to do everything, but that’s another story).
My back has started going much better B’H recently (epidural probably), but dh still does most diapers and baths, it’s just the habit we have now. Also, I nurse but all the bottles (complements and water) are for dh. He also gets up at night for her.

But I can tell you bli ayn hara, dd is beautiful and big and very well adjusted. She smiles and laughs every time I’m in sight, everyone comments on how happy she seems. I know she doesn’t hate me because I don’t do diapers.

It can also be hard to be very interactive with a baby who isn’t (newborn). I feel that the more dd does things, the easier it is for me to talk to her a lot, play with her… when the baby looks at you, listens obviously, answers with little noises and laughing, it’s very easy to interact. Sometimes I interact so much that she becomes all overexcited and tired, she wants to sleep but there is too much stimulation (I can’t help), and I have to put her in her room to calm down. This happens more and more as she becomes more and more reactive. I can’t wait for her to become even more active so I can really play with her.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:30 am
Quote:

I also went through a bit of depression during my last pregnancy and I was concerned about how it would affect my baby. Now that he is here, (he was such a happy little one right from the start, KA"H) I wonder if he knew that I really needed his smiling little face?


I am not surprised. I was extremely stressed when I was pregnant (I had a horrible fear of miscarriage) and b’h dd is the opposite. She is very calm unless I bring it on myself by driving her crazy Twisted Evil



Quote:
I wish I could say I am a great mother But I am not. My son doesn't even like me. He would rather go to my sil. Everytime he sees her he cries hysterical for her.


Maybe she has great toys at her house? Are you sure he wants HER, not her toys or be with her kids (if she has)?

I doubt your son doesn’t like you!!



Quote:
I have really ruined him . I even went through therepy to help me which helped but I think it is too late. He is a year and half. In his first year I didn't want anything to do with him and now I am suffering.


No you haven’t ruined him, no he doesn’t hate you. Please, 1 year and a half is just the beginning. Maybe he is used to a more distant relationship. With time you can reverse it. I think at that age, a kid definitely thinks it’s the same in every house. He doesn’t think he is getting less love. He has no comparison point. You do, so you suffer, but not him.

If I may, why didn’t you want anything to do with him in the beginning?



Quote:
I am going to my cousin tonight she will be speaking about it in her class. I will let you know.


Thanks, I am interested.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2007, 3:34 am
Quote:
but sometimes I really do dislike my son.


Do you really mean dislike?
Or more "OH NO, he's crying again and I have a migrenna, it hurts", or "OH NO I have to change him but I can't even get up... I wish he would not need a new diaper".

Dislike is something, being overhelmed or exhausted or even fed up sometimes is entirely different.
Quote:

I am trying so hard but there is something blocking.


Can you think of anything that could make you resentful or not liking him? Even something silly/detail?
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