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Person I dated wants Shabbos meal

 
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amother




Maroon


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 6:01 pm
I am happily married for three years, B"H.

A person I dated wants to come for a Shabbos meal. He says he is a friend of dh.

Should I invite him or not?

(He broke it off with me, but I don't know if it makes a difference.)
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Shabbossong









  


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 6:13 pm
Does your DH concur, and say that he is a friend of his? That's my knee-jerk response to your post.
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The Happy Wife









  


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 6:26 pm
What do you mean he "says" he's a friend of your husband. Either he is or he isn't. If he is a friend of your husband, why is he asking you and not your husband?
I would think it's normally not an issue, as my husband is friends with men who I dated once upon a time. And we all have moved on with our lives and are perfectly capable of having a normal Shabbos meal together.
Also, how does your husband feel about this? I think that should be considered.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 6:36 pm
My dh doesn't mind.

He sees my dh in shul. He says hello. But he never calls to speak to him or hang out with him. That's why it's awkward.
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Butterfly









  


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 6:41 pm
I agree it seems awkward.

Why would he ask you about the invite and not your husband if he is supposedly his friend??

How did he approach you for the invite? Did he call you over the phone?
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abaker









  


Post  Fri, Apr 17 2015, 8:22 pm
Your a married woman bh. If he's a single guy that just needs a meal for shabbos, why not have him over? It's not like he's going to make a move in front of your dh or he's going to bring up the dates in conversation. It's like having any other guest I would think, unless there's baggage that would make you or dh uncomfortable ( think broken engagement between you two) but if you went out a few times and it obviously wasn't bashert, then whatever. The past has passed.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 4:31 pm
You seem to not feel it. No, then.
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hannah22









  


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 7:41 pm
I think it sounds a bit weird if I'm honest.
I just think it's best to avoid this situation, since although it might be totally fine, why risk ANY awkwardness to your marriage whatsoever?
That's just my opinion. I think if your dh is mature about it he will totally understand.
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naturalmom5









  


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 9:23 pm
Very Happy Very Happy


Ah to be young and immature again
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amother




Apricot


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 9:38 pm
A guy I dated for a while married a girl I know and we ended up living in the same building when we got married. We had each other for meals several times. It was a tiny bit weird in the beginning, but you get over it. I also had several guys at my table who I met at singles events while I dated. Also a bit strange-feeling, but again, you get over it.
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Yael3









  


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 9:47 pm
I don't think his request is strange, I think the way he went about it is strange.
I'm not saying don't have him over forever, personally though, I'd wait.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 10:17 pm
Don't ask Imamothers. Ask yourself!
Do you get a special feeling when you say his name or hear his voice? Are you flattered that he asked you if he can come?
If yes, you're not ready to host him.
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Ilana Tamar









  


Post  Sat, Apr 18 2015, 11:14 pm
Would it be possible to invite other guests for that meal, say another couple, so that the focus isn't exclusively on him?
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amother




Maroon


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 12:55 am
Thanks for the replies.

Long story, but I think I should wait. We dated a long time.
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agreer









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 1:17 am
I wouldn't do it, esp. considering u dated a long time. It's too weird.
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DrMom









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 1:31 am
You dated for a long time, he broke it off, he went about asking to be invited over in a weird way, he claims to be friends with your DH, even though he really isn't. Sounds too strange to me.

Perhaps you can find someone else to host him? Or as Ilana Tamar suggested, have him over with other guests present.
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zaq









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 11:29 am
DrMom wrote:
You dated for a long time, he broke it off, he went about asking to be invited over in a weird way, he claims to be friends with your DH, even though he really isn't. Sounds too strange to me.

.


ITA.
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MamaBear









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 12:00 pm
Ive been married a lot longer (well over a decade) and even after all this time I would never have over someone I dated for a while who is still single. It's awkward. Unless this person truly needs a meal and will be alone otherwise (unlikely), just vaguely say maybe some time in the future and let it go.
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ValleyMom









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 5:35 pm
Well, my suggestion is to have him over with couples with lots of kids...
It will a noisy lunch filled with grimy shouting crying kids- he probably will never ever asked to be invited again...
LOL
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hesha









  


Post  Sun, Apr 19 2015, 7:41 pm
definitely do not have him over? even if its a wee bit awkward or will be a wee bit stressful to your marriage in any way, its not worth the price. if you are worried about him not having where to eat, see if you can arrange that some other families from the shul invite him over for a meal. shouldn't be too hard.
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