Punishment for cutting DD's hair practically bald

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amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:11 pm

My oldest is DS, age 5. He is super responsible and VERY good at following instructions. Last yr, when he was age 4, he heard me talking about how DD (age 2) really needed her first haircut, her hair was getting in her eyes, etc. So erev Shavuos, I found him give her a REALLY short bang haircut and a large chunk from the back. It looked funny, but grew back to normal looking in about 6 mos.

Since then, we've had numerous talks about how WE NEVER EVER EVER EVER cut hair unless its a barber or abba doing it. The scissors are usually within reach (I run a playgroup) but he has been so responsible with them and never cut anything he wasn't supposed to (before DD's 1st haircut and also after)

Now they are age 5 and 3 and I am expecting, bH. I had a mothers helper supposed to come this afternoon, but she cancelled at the last min. I was exhausted from the playgroup and needed a nap desperately. I fed them lunch and settled them with a toy. I set a short timer that they can see (with sand and alarm) and went to rest. They had no objections. I woke up to hear snipping. I figured they were cutting up old magazines, which I allow.

I found DD3 run into my room and say, Ima, I'm a BOY!!!

DS took off her beautiful ponytail (which had shoulder length hair) and cut ALL OF IT OFF. LITERALLY. It's down to her scalp. all over. He also cut his own (short) peyos, but he left some and looking at him, you can barely tell anything happened. He's learning to be much more conscious of his looks, good for him ; )

We're moving to a new community soon and she looks TERRIBLE. Thank G-d her ears are pierced so she still has one feminine quality.

I am waiting until DH comes home to give appropriate punishment. Debating whether to punish DS or both. Apparently, DD asked for it (she's been asking about being a boy in past few days, plus a few boys in her class just got upsherins on lag ba'mer, so it's in the air...) and DS said he was just listening to her. I do believe that - that dynamic happens often, even though I repeat to DS that he's older and smarter and knows the rules better than DD so he should just not listen to her "brilliant" ideas.

Please send ideas for appropriate punishments...the scissors are already long gone...

causemommysaid

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:15 pm

I'm gonna be a bit harsh. I'm sorry in advance.

I think you should punish yourself because

a) you took a nap and left small children unsupervised

b) you took a nap while they had access to a SCISSORS!!! what if he had snipped her earlobe or something?

obviously he should get a punishment of some sort- maybe no shabbos party or lose TV/movie time.

Sanguine

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:18 pm

I'm sorry. I have no idea what you should do with your son but so many kids do that. Young mothers can't believe it, but you're just one more in the group.

My brother cut my sister's hair so short (she wanted to be bald like my father) that the beauty parlor told my mother that it has to grow in at least 2 weeks before they can do anything at all. My son cut his own bangs so short that I thought he must have killed the roots. They took so long to come back. My neighbor's daughter played beauty parlor on my daughter (my daughter is a year younger so she let her do whatever she wanted)...

Maybe I should start a different thread about haircutting stories. (and what about my sons who tried to shave the hair on their arms with my razor? -

I'm sorry I'm not much help but maybe we can calm you down by letting you know that this is a very common act and your son won't grow up to be an axe murderer

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:31 pm

Sanguine, thank you. I understand that he's not an axe murderer, he just was trying to help his sister achieve her "dreams" Problem is that she looks like a shaved chicken (or sheep or wtvr the expression is). I want to just get her a wig and be done with it.

I thought we were so over this. He clearly understood the consequences of his actions last time and we've had numerous discussions (also that he initiated)

and causemommysaid...I dont even know what to answer you. you are so harsh. my son would be your friend...

Scrabble123

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:35 pm

Take your daughter to a stylist and get her a cute pixie. I happen to like boy cuts on girls (well, prefer them over long hair), so see if you can have someone do something like that for your daughter. Something like this really requires a lot of talking and talking, and yes, leaving children with scissors in reach is unacceptable (especially if you have a playgroup!) so please find a new, child-proof location for the scissors.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:37 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

This is so rude shock

OP specifically asked advice on what consequence would suit the event. Nothing else.

Sorry OP--sounds so embarrassing!

Sanguine

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:38 pm

Maybe you can just get her a cute hat to wear. Little boys wear base ball caps for years though 2 may be young. See if she likes wearing a pretty pink baseball cap. When my daughter was about that age she had a cute white straw hat (like a shul hat) that she loved wearing. Or maybe you can put a big bow on.

deena19k

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:42 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

I'm gonna be a bit harsh. I'm sorry in advance.

b) you took a nap while they had access to a SCISSORS!!! what if he had snipped her earlobe or something?

obviously he should get a punishment of some sort- maybe no shabbos party or lose TV/movie time.

You all seriously supervise your 5 year old every time he/she uses scissors? My 5 year old has access to scissors whenever she wants for projects, etc. not the huge sharp kind, but regular scissors.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:42 pm

The scissors were practically beyond anyone but my DS's reach. The highest shelf. None of the playgroup kids (even the climbers) or my DD could ever reach that high. There is just nowhere else to put them. My DS can get into anything (and is very careful while doing it)

There is no cute bow or pixie cut that can fix this. I don't know how to explain this more without a picture. There is barely any hair left on her scalp.

We are going to go hat shopping I suppose...

amother

Gray

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

can you do this?
http://www.google.com/search?h.....3B638

Scrabble123

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:51 pm

amother wrote:

Shave it on one side and do something asymmetrical. There are haircuts that involve shaving even for little girls. You could also just wait for it to grow in and then get a cut (it will probably take less than 2 weeks for it to be styled and cut).

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:53 pm

Gray, you are so idealistic.

We'll only be up to that in at least three months, if we're lucky...

causemommysaid

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:57 pm

amother wrote:

This is so rude shock

OP specifically asked advice on what consequence would suit the event. Nothing else.

Sorry OP--sounds so embarrassing!

I was harsh not rude. I think it was irresponsible to not supervise a 3 year old especially around scissors and I did answer her original question. The child who did the cutting is less responsible for the consequences than the mother who left scissors around and took a nap.

causemommysaid

Tue, May 12 2015, 12:59 pm

deena19k wrote:

You all seriously supervise your 5 year old every time he/she uses scissors? My 5 year old has access to scissors whenever she wants for projects, etc. not the huge sharp kind, but regular scissors.

No but I do supervise a 3 year old.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:04 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

No but I do supervise a 3 year old.

The activity was NOT "scissors". They were playing with puzzles that they havent seen in a long time.

Am I the only crazy mother in this worly that takes a short nap every once in a blue moon bc I literally cannot move? Coffee just doesnt help me. I also did have a mothers helper lined up anticipating the difficult afternoon.

Sanguine

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:06 pm

amother wrote:

It's not your fault (don't let people say it is). Blunt end scissors which are for children to cut with are sharp enough to cut hair with too. You only need a very sharp scissor for hair if you want it to come out straight. A 5 year old can be trusted with scissors. 99.99999999% of the time they just cut paper and usually it's not some irreplaceable document.

Sanguine

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:11 pm

amother wrote:

Am I the only crazy mother in this worly that takes a short nap every once in a blue moon bc I literally cannot move? Coffee just doesnt help me. I also did have a mothers helper lined up anticipating the difficult afternoon.

The time that my brother made my sister bald my mother had gone out for a cup of coffee (by herself, she just needed a break). Our cleaning lady who had been with us for years was in the house. You could have easily been in the kitchen at the time. Does everyone keep their kids in eyesight all the time? He's 5 years old!!

tryinghard

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:18 pm

My sister was as bald as you describe naturally until 4 or 5. It happens Smile

In the meantime, use cute headbands, I guess.

Scrabble123

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:19 pm

Is it too short for something like this? They are not my first choice in pixies, but definitely cuter than all around jagged hair! Like I said, a trip to the salon will not hurt, and if you want to wait a few days before going, that is fine too.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, May 12 2015, 1:21 pm

I can't think of a punishment offhand (my mother made me pay for my sister's haircut to fix up the one I gave her at 5 -- I do not agree with that).....but I will validate you that you did not do anything neglectful.

Some of our most uh interesting types of mischief were done when I was gasp in the bathroom (no, mothers can NEVER do that either!) or even doing laundry. I was in the basement doing laundry once upon a time, and my boys decided to try out the haircutting system. And they didn't necessarily learn from that...another time after my son got a haircut, he went to my bathroom (and he was no longer a preschooler) and decided to try out my husband's beard trimmer on top of his haircut. He had quite an interesting stripe....

And I let my 3 yo use scissors appropriate to her age level. I don't monitor every second of her using them either.

Similarly, I let my kids use markers and paint and pens, etc etc and they technically know the rules about only on paper. Doesn't mean it always happens.

But it's NOT neglect if they use them inappropriately because you were not monitoring every second. And even if you were, you can't always stop it in time. You can be on the couch in the living room watching them cut paper and boom, it moves to the ponytail.

Things happen, and it's not always parental fault. We're harsh enough on ourselves as is. Let us have a little break from the guilt.

(And yes, I have fallen asleep with kids that age playing nicely together.)

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