Playing outside, alone

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 4:14 am

At what age do you think its appropriate for a parent to let their kids play outside alone? Does it make a difference to you if its on your front lawn or backyard where you can see them? Does it make a difference to you if the parents know that their kids are more mature than typical kids their age?
Is letting kids play without supervision child abuse, in your opinion?

Growing up, we had a neighbor (frum, nebach) who didn't like us, and called the child abuse people (whatever their official name is) because my siblings were allowed to play on the front lawn without older people being outside with them and watching them. Its a very safe, rural community, so its not like there was the danger of them running into the street. I think they were 5 and 7 at the time...
I had the very uncomfortable time showing the child services around our house prooving to them that there was no abuse going on, that yes, we had food in our cupboards and refrigerator, and no, we were not full of black and blue marks...

What do you say? Would you call child services if you saw a family letting their kids play outside without supervision?

Also- state your opinion with the country you live in, because apparently, in israel its much more lax about kids playing outside without parents.

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 5:50 am

France.

In my garden, yes. Anywhere else, NO. At least not until the oldest is 12 or so. It's not a question of maturity. Mature or not if c'v someone wants to hurt your child, it won't help... Crying

The world is full of sickos.

Quote:

Is letting kids play without supervision child abuse, in your opinion?

NO. I am angry when I hear that everything is child abuse today.

Quote:

What do you say? Would you call child services if you saw a family letting their kids play outside without supervision?

No again. Wouldn't cross my mind. But I would tell the parents it's dangerous.

Someone sent me the social worker at hospital and later at home because I "looked young". They thought I was a single mom and didn't think of asking if I was married. When the worker saw I was
- married
- living with my parents too
- baby was huge, well fed, already been to doc visit
She told me pple are Exploding anger

and

HindaRochel

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 9:20 am

It depends on where you are living. In some places as long as the child knows enough to avoid dangerous areas (ponds, streets etc.) out they go
and they are fine; when my mother was young children as young as 3 played outside alone. In other areas a child as old as ten perhaps shouldn't be on the streets alone.

One needs to evaluate the situation that one is in. There isn't a hard and fast rule.

What is the area like? How mature/obedient is the child?

chen

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 12:24 pm

amother wrote:

Is letting kids play without supervision child abuse, in your opinion?

That's neglect, not abuse. One is a sin of omission, the other is a sin of commission.

Of course it depends on the age. If theyr'e old enough to babysit, they should be old enough to play unsupervised, IMO.

then again, there's a big difference between unsupervised and alone. I'd be much more fearful of children playing alone as opposed to playing with other children without adult supervision. In a group they are more likely to suffer a minor or even not-so-minor physical injury, but children alone make better targets for kidnappers and other predators.

I don't think my children ever played alone outside, but we live in a concrete jungle where there is nothing for a child to do all alone except color on the sidewalk.

BTW, virtually all parents think their kids are more mature than the average child of the same age.

madys

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 12:53 pm

Long Island, NY

I was actually going to post about this same topic today!!

Here's my story -

Yesterday my 3rd grader (8 1/2 yrs old) said she needed to go to a classmates house to work on a skit together - so after dinner and homework, my husband drover her over there - it was 6:00 - with the understanding that she had 1 hr. I don't like "play dates" during the school week, but felt that this was school related so I allowed it.

I called over there at 7 to see if they were ready for me to pick her up. The mom said that they needed some more time. So I giver her until 7:30.

I show up at 7:30, and they have no lines written down, and are really not prepared....

So I stay there for another 20 minutes, and finally I said it's time to go, you will work out the details during recess.

So, in the car ride home, I asked my daughter what they were doing for 2 hours, they barely did anything...

So, she tells me that they were waiting for another classmate to come, and while they were waiting, her friend wanted to go walk a neighbor's dog, so they went (by themselves!!) to get the dog, and then walked the dog (again by themselves!!) and crossed streets!!! shock

My daughter knows our rules very well, she is not allowed to walk the streets by herself - let alone cross them.

I was very dissappointed in my daughter, she said that she told her friend that she's not allowed, but her friend didn't listen to her, and then she was stuck outside and didn't have a choice, so she stayed with her friend. She thought that the owner of the dog would go with them.

I spoke with my husband, and he was also very surprised - I asked him if he thought that I should call the mom (they have 2 older kids 13, and 11, so maybe she isn't so overprotective) to tell her that I was upset that she left them unsupervised.

He said that I would probably sound crazy, and just wait until she is invited over there again, and just to let her know that I don't want my daughter outside unsupervised.

Am I crazy, overproctive!?!?

Come on ladies, give me the truth - I can take it.

chen

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 2:09 pm

I'd be upset, too, but not at your daughter. If, as she said, they were off in the velt and her classmate was going to abandon her at the street corner, she had no choice but to go along. She herself may realize that she's safer with a friend and a dog than she is by herslef. she knows she's not allowed to walk in the street by herslef, but did you ever clarify that "by herself" means without an adult? technically, with a friend she's not "by herself".

I wouldn't make an issue of it now with the parents--what's done is done and B"H no harm was done--but the next time she goes, when I dropped her off, I would mention the episode to the parents and say "I'm sorry I didn't think to mention this last time, but we don't allow Chanaleh to be outside without an adult, even if she's with friends. So if Devoirie wants to go outside, please remind Chanaleh that she's not allowed."

Two third graders traipsing around by themselves? Not good, not good. Unless the dog is a Rottweiler, maybe (in which case I wouldn't worry about kidnappers but would worry about the dog.)

Considering the recent rash of attempted abductions, it's surprising that any parents let their young children out of their sight at all.

cindy324

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 2:49 pm

Well, this is the perfect thread for me to ask:

Was anyone at Whoopi on 13th Ave. in BP yesterday, when a bunch of women left their babies outside in the strollers and someone called the police on them?? According to what I was told, someone called the police, the police came, and when all the mommies came out to their babies they were given a warning that as of now, the avenue will be closely monitored and any child found outside by themselves will have social services to deal with.

shoy18

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 2:57 pm

cindy324 wrote:

Thank God someone finally did something. I was in bennetton on tues and they were getting a delivery so they didn't allow anyone to block the entry so no strollers allowed. Normal people would either bring thier kid inside with or come back in an hour, but no they just left their kids outside.

Mama Bear

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 3:08 pm

it depends. if it's YOUR backyard there's definitley not a problem as they are in a safe enclosed area. front lawn - once again if it's a closed place I think it's safe. I live on a city block, and little children always play outside without adult supervision, but usually the oldest child I've seen outside watching their younger siblings are about 7 or8 years old. I only have a 2 year old so I dont let him outside without me.

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 5:00 pm

mom_of_three - I am also shocked by what happened, and while I never would have been allowed to do that...growing up in West Hempstead and a suburban area of Boston, we were always allowed to play by ourselves in the frontyard/backyard, from a young age. For sure 7, and the younger ones at a younger age if the older ones were around. I'm sure my mother must have popped out to check on us now and then, more when we were younger. But you also have to know your kids - we were very well disciplined and wouldn't have done a/t too "naughty."

(P.S. I always noticed that you live in WH and was curious about who you are and which street you live on, etc. - but too protective of my own anonymity to ask! See - I'm even amother now b/c I don't want to give away my sn! Wink

)

GAMZu

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 6:13 pm

cindy324 wrote:

I admire the person who had the guts to call. SUCH a chillul Hashem that police officers have to force the mothers to take care of their children. Finally. And I can guarantee that people will still leave their kids and they will get entangled with the CPS unfortunately.

shoy18

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 6:17 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

7-8 year olds should not be watching 4-5 year olds no matter where they are front yard, back yard. 11-12 year olds I understand but its not ideal. A 7 year old shouldnt even be outside on his own to begin with. Especially in the city, who knows what nut can be lurking on the sidewalk.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 6:22 pm

There is a woman in my community, that we all worry about.

I guess she thinks I am her friend, because she calls me and cries about everything that happens..

But I am sorrry, if your child is outside (you should be outside).. She told me her son wanted to ride his bike (he's 8 with major psychological issues) and she said ok and decided to go to sleep.. A neighbor called the police, because he was unsupervised. thing is he's a great kid, just needs supervision.. Such is life, everything depends on the situation. I never let my kids go out alone, and I feel bad for making them stay in so I can cook or clean but that's life

GAMZu

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 6:50 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I live on a city block, and little children always play outside without adult supervision, but usually the oldest child I've seen outside watching their younger siblings are about 7 or 8 years old.

Yes, unfortunately this is a BIG problem in BP and Willi. Parents send out babies to take care of even younger babies, while they themselves are... where? So sad. A 7 y.o. needs supervision himself? What would he do if his 2 y.o. sibling ran into the street? Run after him? Whatever. I think some ppl don't have proper judgment when it comes to taking care of their kids.

shoy18

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 7:04 pm

Mitzvahmom wrote:

My husband always says whenever he hears or sees somethign like this, "God watches stupid people"

cindy324

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 10:53 pm

Quote:

I live on a city block, and little children always play outside without adult supervision, but usually the oldest child I've seen outside watching their younger siblings are about 7 or 8 years old.

Yes, unfortunately this is a BIG problem in BP and Willi. Parents send out babies to take care of even younger babies, while they themselves are... where?

TICK TICK TICK...Just counting the minutes before someone comes along and accuses you of singling out a certain neighborhood/sect just because you're "anti" Willi or BP Rolling Eyes