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Forum
-> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections
-> Pets
Amarante
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 Thu, May 21 2015, 12:32 pm
My sympathy because I am a dog person and wanted a dog very badly growing up. My parents finally brought home a dog when I was in high school because they met a woman whose circumstances had changed. They did it for me but all I can say is that the whole family fell in love with him. My father still sniffles when he talks about the dog's last days. My mother cooked him special meals and my Bubbe who thought she hated dogs - well the dog became her constant companion. My Bubbe lived below us and during the day when my parents were working and I was at school, the dog and my Bubbe stayed together - she even made him a special afternoon nosh. I think the dog enriched my Bubbe's last years so much. In some ways she thought of him as another kind of grandchild. I remember visiting her at a hotel and she wanted the dog to come well groomed to show him off to the other ladies there. :-)
About the husband, it is hard but my friend finally convinced her husband to let her get a dog and he too fell in love with the animal after a few weeks. Dogs are very very smart that way. :-)
About the neighborhood, I don't know because my neighborhood wasn't so monolithic. People for the most part didn't own dogs but nobody thought owning a dog would make life difficult with the community.
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greenhelm
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Thu, May 21 2015, 12:35 pm
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I love dogs to bits, but they are a lot of work. I personally wouldn't do it if my DH wasn't up for it - a dog can be really disruptive and needs a lot of patience and training, so I feel like everyone would have to be on board for it to be a positive, successful experience for everyone.
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sequoia
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Thu, May 21 2015, 12:49 pm
Who cares what the school will think? What are they going to do, expel your kids?
What your husband thinks is the salient point. Are there any specific concerns you can address: shedding, barking, etc?
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Scrabble123
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Thu, May 21 2015, 1:01 pm
| sequoia wrote: | Who cares what the school will think? What are they going to do, expel your kids?
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Yes, my friend's children were told that they would be expelled for having a dog, although they did not make an issue about the cat. Her neighbors all get used to things and adjust. They make speak at first, but they will just learn to accept it as long as you have a pet for the right reasons.
Also, pets need a lot of care and attention. You need to learn how to interact, train, and care for them. There are also special halachot about how to interact, handle, and treat pets and you would need to consult a competent dayan who would know how to look up the halachos and advise you regarding them.
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Sake
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Thu, May 21 2015, 1:13 pm
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Seriously curious, why would a dog at home matter at school? Would it be ok to have an outdoor dog? Or a guard dog?
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amother
Firebrick
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Thu, May 21 2015, 1:26 pm
| Amarante wrote: | My sympathy because I am a dog person and wanted a dog very badly growing up. My parents finally brought home a dog when I was in high school because they met a woman whose circumstances had changed. They did it for me but all I can say is that the whole family fell in love with him. My father still sniffles when he talks about the dog's last days. My mother cooked him special meals and my Bubbe who thought she hated dogs - well the dog became her constant companion. My Bubbe lived below us and during the day when my parents were working and I was at school, the dog and my Bubbe stayed together - she even made him a special afternoon nosh. I think the dog enriched my Bubbe's last years so much. In some ways she thought of him as another kind of grandchild. I remember visiting her at a hotel and she wanted the dog to come well groomed to show him off to the other ladies there. :-)
About the husband, it is hard but my friend finally convinced her husband to let her get a dog and he too fell in love with the animal after a few weeks. Dogs are very very smart that way. :-)
About the neighborhood, I don't know because my neighborhood wasn't so monolithic. People for the most part didn't own dogs but nobody thought owning a dog would make life difficult with the community. |
Thanks that is such a sweet story! This gives me some hope but I have to be prepared for the chance that DH will NOT fall in love with the dog, right? 
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Dolly Welsh
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Thu, May 21 2015, 1:26 pm
There is no "a dog". You research breeds, hard. You contact a local professional trainer before ever getting one, and discuss your situation in depth.
A dog, and other animals too, is certain kind of relationship. If you are mentally wired for that kind of relationship, in addition to all your other relationships, but actually owning a dog is complicated, there may be other ways to get this kind of relationship into your life.
You might google and research therapeutic and comfort animals.
If there is an organization taking special dogs into hospitals, or using them in rehab, or using them in therapeutic contexts with troubled youth, you might get involved as a volunteer. This would put you near that kind of animal-person relationship.
But every dog is different, and the breeds vary widely, and you don't automatically get that relationship by "getting a dog".
The character and intelligence of dogs, and other animals too, varies very, very widely. There are dogs, and other animals too, who are amazing, and others who are stupid and unfeeling and do not connect with people. Sometimes you see a person fantasizing with all his/her strength that he/she is connecting with an animal, because they want to, so badly. But the animal is indifferent, but the person keeps trying and making excuses for the animal.
This isn't something to plunge into without knowing exactly what you are doing and how to do it.
If your husband hates the idea, it's not so promising.
The greatest dog who ever lived is going to need to be walked both early and late, in whatever weather nature throws at you, including monsoons or blizzards. It is another being in the house, and will need attention and teaching and relating to.
And feeding and doctor bills. These are not small.
Dogs are valuable as companions and protectors. Yes.
They need a budget.
Before you do this find out cost per pound of dried dogfood, and understand the monthly and yearly cost.
Vets are doctors. They are not covered by insurance. They cost.
Groomers may be necessary, too. They cost.
Training is probably useful, and may be necessary. It costs.
An only child is vastly helped by having a dog.
The right dog. Not the wrong dog.
http://jcfsschool.org/services/animaltherapy/
https://www.google.com/#q=Jewi.....nimal
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Sake
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Thu, May 21 2015, 1:53 pm
**applaud** Dolly Walsh yours was a perfect post. Thank you. I (we) have had many dogs since I was a child. Even within the best breed for you the doginality (personality) of the individual dog is very important. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right dog and sometimes they find you.
Firebrick, would your dh object to "at least starting to look at dogs"... he may warm to the idea and happen to meet the right dog for your family!
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JMM-uc
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Thu, May 21 2015, 2:21 pm
Always wanted a puppy 
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bluebird
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Thu, May 21 2015, 4:41 pm
| amother wrote: | | Thanks that is such a sweet story! This gives me some hope but I have to be prepared for the chance that DH will NOT fall in love with the dog, right? |
Yes, and this is the most important thing. For every family I know where one spouse didn't want a dog but came to love it, I know three where the spouse didn't and it built up a lot of resentment, unhappiness, and fighting. Ultimately, they all rehomed their dogs and it was devastating to the dog fans in the family.
Have you considered volunteering with a shelter or rescue organization as a dog walker?
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mille
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Thu, May 21 2015, 5:22 pm
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I definitely agree with volunteering at a shelter! Maybe that will give you your fix. It will also be exciting and you can live vicariously through others when they adopt all the wonderful puppies and dogs!
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studying_torah
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Thu, May 21 2015, 5:26 pm
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Jmm that picture- omg!!! So delicious !!
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Amarante
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Thu, May 21 2015, 5:55 pm
| amother wrote: | | Thanks that is such a sweet story! This gives me some hope but I have to be prepared for the chance that DH will NOT fall in love with the dog, right? |
My friend didn't just bring him the dog. It took her a LONG time to get her husband to agree - albeit somewhat begrudgingly to "let her" have the dog so long as she took responsibility for it. She researched dogs very thoroughly in terms of getting one that would fit in well - non shedding; right size and non-allergenic.
Dogs are a commitment of course - they require time and love and one needs to think about one's lifestyle. Dogs need someone to be there every day. If you go away from home, where will the dog stay - for example?
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lucky14
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Thu, May 21 2015, 6:10 pm
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Just wanted to say that I sympathize (empathize?) with you. As a fellow dog lover I understand how much you can actually want one. Our reason is that we can't afford one. I hope you get your puppy one day. Sorry your husband is against them. I don't see how you'll change that. I assume he knows just how badly you want one right?
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amother
Firebrick
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Thu, May 21 2015, 7:23 pm
Yes I know a lot about different kinds of breeds. I also volunteer already at my local shelter and walk dogs. I wish I could do it more often but their hours don't always mesh with mine.
I feel like I would probably be able to talk DH into it eventually, but I wonder if he would be resentful of it (and me) forever after
Also I wonder if I've romanticized it in my head and when we actually have one I'll be tired of taking care of it? I don't know. I did have other pets in the past that I loved and I happily took care of them. But a dog is much more work I know.
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lucky14
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Thu, May 21 2015, 11:03 pm
dog's are so much more fun though then other pets 
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vintagebknyc
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Thu, May 21 2015, 11:13 pm
| lucky14 wrote: | | dog's are so much more fun though then other pets |
disagree.
=^..^=
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imasoftov
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Fri, May 22 2015, 1:53 am
| amother wrote: | What is wrong with me? Why can I just get over this? I've wanted a dog for 20 years. I couldn't have one growing up, my parents wouldn't allow it. They told me I'd have babies and grow out of it. I love my kids but I still want a dog.
DH point-blank does not want one. He doesn't like animals. Anyway our community and neighbors will think we are weird. Who knows what the kids schools will think.
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Nothing is wrong with you. Or your husband. Sorry, no advice about how to reconcile your difference there.
But if that's what your community and neighbors would think, there is definitely something wrong with them.
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