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shira




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 5:31 pm
I have 2 boys ka"h. My big one is almost 3 and my baby is 13 months. They BOTH like to play with the same toys. Trouble is, the 3 year old insists that the toys are his and proceeds to yank whatever toy the baby has away from him. Truth be told, they were just his toys before his little brother came along.
I feel a little lame saying something like "these toys belong to our family- everyone in our family gets to play with these toys" when he was very aware of his property when the baby was born and is even more so now. I've also tried designating "special Yitzchok Zevi toys" but he's not stupid and he knows that they were ALL special Yitzchok Zevi toys before Aryeh Leib existed!
I don't want to create a situation where everything belongs to the oldest (he STILL thinks that the crib is his and he is allowing his little brother to use it!)
However I don't want him to have a feeling of insecurity that his property may be taken away from him.
For things like a crib/high chair/etc I don't have a problem saying to YZ something like "These are BABY things. Big boys use big boy things- like beds, booster seats, etc" but I don't think that'll work with toys.
Advice please!
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roza




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 5:43 pm
the best thing is to get 13month old child busy with something else (it's easier) then tell the older brother that after you finish playing with the toy (they both want) give it to the younger brother, or put it down for him to use. this way he will get to play with the toy and share.

13month old does not understand the concept of sharing and even for 3 year old it's not easy. one of them (especially the baby)need to be redirected to another activity in the situation like this. if the baby got the toy first, tell the older one to wait or do something else.

keep in mind that babies or toddlers won't keep the toy for along time, they tend to go from one thing to another.
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shira




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 7:01 pm
I guess I'm less concerned about the practical "what to do" and more the overall atmosphere that my 3 yr olds behavior creates. It does not matter what the baby is playing with, if he has it, the 3 yr old wants it- and takes it! I'm all for redirecting the baby but even if he is just a baby, he does not deserve to be terrorized.
Poor baby- especially if he touches something that YZ particularly likes, YZ runs towards him shouting "Noooooooooooo!" at the top of his lungs, and yanks the toy away! The baby gets hysterical. And this is all day long.........I don't think its good chinuch to ignore his behavior but at the same time I don't know how to DEAL with it in a productive way. And of course, because I don't have the tools to properly deal with the situation, I just get mad.
My ONLY answer/respite so far is to keep them outside most of the day.
What I'm looking for here is method- how do I effectively handle this situation? How do I TEACH my 3 yr old not to yank toys away from my baby but at the same time preserve his sense of security concerning his property?
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hisorerus




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 7:25 pm
Maybe try buying some Aryeh Leib toys, some Yitzchok Zevi toys, and designating all of the toys in the house as "shared" toys?

When he grabs something away, if it's the baby's toy, tell him. If it's his toy, teach him to ask for it back nicely. If it's a shared toy, tell him he can have it in 2 minutes (buy an egg timer).
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shira




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 7:55 pm
[quote="hisorerus"]Maybe try buying some Aryeh Leib toys, some Yitzchok Zevi toys, and designating all of the toys in the house as "shared" toys?quote]

Hisorerus-
Is it ok to turn toys that were originally Yitzchok Zevi's (from the pre Aryeh Leib era) into shared toys? If so, how?
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 27 2005, 7:58 pm
Quote:
the best thing is to get 13month old child busy with something else (it's easier) then tell the older brother that after you finish playing with the toy (they both want) give it to the younger brother, or put it down for him to use. this way he will get to play with the toy and share.

I like Roza idea the best, it makes most sense and ends up being alot easier Tongue Out
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hisorerus




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 28 2005, 12:11 pm
I don't know if he's old enough to reason with, but basically the idea is that these are family toys- before the baby was born, there was nobody to share them with. Now there is.

The only way to get him to understand is a lot of repetition... "No, this one is not your toy, this is a sharing toy. You can have a turn after Aryeh Leib. Here is YOUR toy."
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