Exposing kids to bad influences

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 2:13 am

My husband and I don't have any kids yet, however, we were discussing sheltering and what we plan on doing...
My husband said he wants to expose our kids to bad things at a young age- and explain to them why its bad, so that way its not mysterious and alluring when they get older. (Because he said that theres no way that our kids won't be exposed to these things at some point in their life.)
He said that by showing these kids what it is, and how its bad, it'll be ingrained in them from a young age that its bad and not something they want to do.
I think exposing kids to bad influences on purpose isn't so great, because by exposing them to things, they are more likely to want it later on.

What say you?

gryp

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:53 am

I think your husband should speak to a Chinuch expert about this.

cassandra

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 7:25 am

I think there is a huge difference between actively exposing your child to something versus dealing with issues as they come up rather that going to extreme measures to shield them.

I don't think that it makes sense to do the first, since exposing your child to something too young could be detrimental, and if it is not necessary for them to know, why introduce it? I think it really would do more harm than good since until a certain age they can't really discern morality. Even if it would serve to desensitize there are far more risks in going about it this way. OTOH, I would (and do) encourage my kids to be curious about all types of things, and if they come across something that I think is too "adult" for them to fully comprehend I try to explain it in a way that they can understand, only revealing the parts I feel they can handle. I wouldn't say this is easy, but to me it is by far the best option.

shalhevet

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 7:33 am

I agree with cassandra.

My children are brought up in what is probably a very sheltered environment compared to many people here. And they still get to see/hear/read about all kinds of things.
What I do is talk freely about anything they want with them as things come up and not before. Believe me, that's more than enough.

Apart from which many things can be scary and traumatize a child. Of course there are kids who saw terrible things and were traumatized, but why do that if you don't have to? An adult is emotionally more able to cope.

As cassandra said, by knowing about things we are desensitized. My dh didn't grow up chareidi, but he grew up in a place where there were no cars on Shabbos and then was in Yeshiva in another such place. The first time he saw cars travelling on Shabbos was around when we got married. Of course he knew there were people who travelled on Shabbos, but by not seeing it for so long he is much more sensitive to this day about how bad it is.

Motek

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 2:18 pm

amother wrote:

My husband said he wants to expose our kids to bad things at a young age- and explain to them why its bad

can we hear some examples?

(I think GR's advice is good)

TammyTammy

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 2:22 pm

To be honest, we can't really answer your question, simply because we don't know what you mean by "bad things" and, more importantly, we don't know your kids.

Different kids react to different things in different ways. Only you and your DH can decide if a kid is ready to be shown "bad things" and if they are capable and mature enough to understand your explanation.

In other words, know your kid.

Tammy

gryp

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 2:30 pm

I also think there are different levels of exposure. What do you and your husband have in mind when you say "expose?"

amother

Tue, Jul 03 2007, 10:17 pm

My husband means to take them to "town" and show them the meaningless life of those people there...

TammyTammy

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 7:29 am

amother wrote:

My husband means to take them to "town" and show them the meaningless life of those people there...

Again, it depends on exactly what your husband means to show them (sports stadiums are one thing... brothels are another) and how mature your kids are. In short... know your kids.

Tammy

greenfire

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 7:32 am

hey don't leave them locked in the attick/basement ... they will have enough exposure to the world where you can teach them lessons ... without having to run after it ...

chocolate moose

Wed, Jul 04 2007, 7:56 am

Oh . . . as young kids? Hm . . . . .

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