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The insanity of cooking suppers for someone who had a baby
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:14 am
[quote="MiracleMama"]Wont eat frozen food? This is fresh food, just frozen. Not TV dinners. When you reheat it, it tastes just the same as fresh. If it was served to you and you didn't know it came from the freezer, you would never be able to tell. If your family can tell, then you're freezing it wrong or reheating it wrong.[/quote


Many frozen foods become watery and mushy when reheating ......Not everything freezes so well that you can't tell the difference and not everyone likes it. I know that I personally can tell the difference and I know many people who are not big freezer fans for this reason. They claim it doesn't go over well in their families. On the other hand my mother in law is a big freezer person and we can all tell the difference when we eat her reheated food. I am not discussing if it is right/wrong to have people cook for you I am just explaining why not everyone would cook ahead and freeze if the food won't be eaten.

Also before I moved and had space for a second freezer it was always full of raw items and soups.......no room to cook ahead and freeze.
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amother




Black


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:15 am
I appreciated the post-baby meals I got SO MUCH, and I love to give them. IMO the biggest chesed is the feeling of being taken care of. A new mother needs to be mothered very badly.

I NEVER send anything fancy.
Typical meals:
-Quiche (store-bought crust), cut up veggies and bought chumus, spaghetti and sauce
-Meatballs, spaghetti, salad, cut up fruit
-Lasagna, salad, cut up fruit, maybe garlic bread

As far as asking for meals when the parents are there, my MIL came after my first baby. I was so embarrassed telling the meals coordinator that we needed for 3, but she doesn't cook at all, and still wanted me to serve her meals. Not saying that's always the case, but you never know.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:19 am
shoshanim999 wrote:
OP, here I understand that nobody is holding a gun to my head forcing me to cook. But do you really not understand that when everybody on the block and in shul is involved in making these crazy meals it would make me uncomfortable to say " I'm a little busy this week so I really can't?" Its very easy to post on this anonymous website to "just say your not interested, thank you." We both know that IRL its very hard to stand up against something that everyone else seems to be in favor of.
Im sorry that you live that way. I really do say no whenever I feel that I need to. I dont do things just because "everyone else to be in favor of". Nope. I dont live that way.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:19 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I haven't hugged you yet but I think I will. B"H mine will, and I am eternally grateful to my MIL for having been such a freezer proponent.
make longer than 2 weeks routine though.

One last thing to the amother quoted above. You might want to try prepping some foods raw, like coating schnitzel (you have to use fresh raw chicken). I have found no difference in quality. (Note: I bake mine.) Hatzlacha!

ETA: Bizzydizzymommy, Thumbs Up


I do cut up the chicken and even divide it usually into a few pans or bags so that I can defrost it ready to be made but once you coat it with egg and bread crumbs I find the taste to be a bit off. I'm really not the type to be that picky but somehow frozen food just tastes gross to me. My mother freezes some food and defrosts for shabbos meals - I can always tell what's been frozen and what not and just can't eat the frozen food. DH can also tell but doens't mind as much. I wonder if I should try again before next birth to freeze some food just for the kids -maybe they'll eat it if they're desperate eough.
but you ladies who prepare food for mothers- just know you are doing a great thing esp if the mom is in need (doesn't have family around to make food).
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:24 am
Maya wrote:
My question is why these women, who have nine months to prepare for this occasion, don't cook ahead and freeze dinners to be used during the postpartum period. I'm asking a serious question. That's one thing I don't understand about this whole issue.


I'll give you a serious answer.

The nausea and utter exhaustion of pregnancy make it nearly impossible for some women to even make supper during pregnancy. When I am pregnant, we do a lot of frozen pizza, cereal and milk, and other shortcut suppers.

(And I do the same post partum, I don't get meals)

I have a friend who says she would rather get meals when she was pregnant, since she feels so horrible then, even worse than pp.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:25 am
Maya wrote:
My question is why these women, who have nine months to prepare for this occasion, don't cook ahead and freeze dinners to be used during the postpartum period. I'm asking a serious question. That's one thing I don't understand about this whole issue.


9 months??? Oh you mean 9 months of pain...cramps...and living on take out or pizza bread.. Or Becuse I couldn't stand The look of meat. Or simple the stove was to far away I can hardly reach it. And when I did cook the dishes was left in the sink for I dont know... Cuz the look of it makes me wana though up!

I thank every one who has taken the time to make a meal for us. It was greatly appreciated. If not for your meals we wouldn't have any And I wouldn't have anything too eat. It served me as a breakfast lunch and supper.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:32 am
amother wrote:
9 months??? Oh you mean 9 months of pain...cramps...and living on take out or pizza bread.. Or Becuse I couldn't stand The look of meat. Or simple the stove was to far away I can hardly reach it. And when I did cook the dishes was left in the sink for I dont know... Cuz the look of it makes me wana though up!

I thank every one who has taken the time to make a meal for us. It was greatly appreciated. If not for your meals we wouldn't have any And I wouldn't have anything too eat. It served me as a breakfast lunch and supper.


Well said. Rolling Eyes
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amother




Red


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:33 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Im sorry that you live that way. I really do say no whenever I feel that I need to. I dont do things just because "everyone else to be in favor of". Nope. I dont live that way.


I am with the OP I this one. In certain communities can't stay an insider and keep saying no to expected things. I would love to never host anyone else's guests. It is too much for me. I hate cleaning before and after. I feel like I am running a hotel. There is resentment when you say no to expectations.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:37 am
shoshanim999 wrote:
OP, here I understand that nobody is holding a gun to my head forcing me to cook. But do you really not understand that when everybody on the block and in shul is involved in making these crazy meals it would make me uncomfortable to say " I'm a little busy this week so I really can't?" Its very easy to post on this anonymous website to "just say your not interested, thank you." We both know that IRL its very hard to stand up against something that everyone else seems to be in favor of.


You don't have to stand up against anything! You can either decline entirely, by saying that you have a busy week, which is entirely understandable. You don't have to be rude and say "I'm not interested." There are nicer ways of saying it! OR, another perfectly acceptable alternative, is to just send a simple dinner.
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Happy18




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:38 am
How many weeks? In my community you get one week of meals not including Shabbos the meals are simple don't know where you live but that sounds crazy
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Teomima




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:38 am
Maya wrote:
My question is why these women, who have nine months to prepare for this occasion, don't cook ahead and freeze dinners to be used during the postpartum period. I'm asking a serious question. That's one thing I don't understand about this whole issue.


Seriously??
Because I have a small fridge and my freezer is the size of a shoebox.
Because I deserve a fresh, homemade meal after giving birth, and not reheated frozen food, especially after spending three days eating nasty hospital food.
Because during those nine months I'm busy taking care of my other kids. When I'm not at work, that is. Or so exhausted I can barely stand up.
Because I can give my friends the opportunity to do a relatively easy mitzvah, one I appreciate being able to do for them in return.
Because there are ALWAYS unknown extenuating circumstances, like the times I have been on bed rest and couldn't stand up to cook, or how my daughter was left behind in the NICU for three weeks after birth, or the fact that my DH has bpd which essentially adds another, grown child to my family, making every other task that much harder.
Need I go on?
Seriously?


Last edited by Teomima on Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:42 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:41 am
I do thinks it's overdone sometimes. If there are no extenuating circumstances, it's not really necessary for 4 weeks. Should be 2 weeks, aside for issues.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:44 am
Teomima wrote:
Seriously??
Because I have a small fridge and my freezer is the size of a shoebox.
Because I deserve a fresh, homemade meal after giving birth, and not reheated frozen food, especially after spending three days eating nasty hospital food.
Because during those nine months I'm busy taking care of my other kids. When I'm not at work, that is. Or so exhausted I can barely stand up.
Because I can give my friends the opportunity to do a relatively easy mitzvah, one I appreciate being able to do for them in return.
Because there are ALWAYS unknown extenuating circumstances, like the times I have been on bed rest and couldn't stand up to cook, or how my daughter was left behind in the NICU for three weeks after birth, or the fact that my DH has bpd which essentially adds another, grown child to my family, making every other task that much harder.
Need I go on?
Seriously?


I agree with some of your post but take issue with DESERVE. You DESERVE hot meals? Deserve? Really?

In my world, no one deserves anything, least of all me.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:45 am
amother wrote:
I am with the OP I this one. In certain communities can't stay an insider and keep saying no to expected things. I would love to never host anyone else's guests. It is too much for me. I hate cleaning before and after. I feel like I am running a hotel. There is resentment when you say no to expectations.
Well to me that says a lot about such a community Sad To not be able to say no to expectations? Thats awful. Its awful that there are expectations like that. Nobody should ever be expected to do these things. These things are cheseds. not requirements.
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Simple1




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:47 am
No one can argue that it's nice to receive meals.

But I also totally understand the op. Not everyone is good at saying no and it's a problem if women are preparing meals under pressure. Let's say you have someone who works full time, her baby is 6 months or maybe even 1 or 2 years old. She may be in an even tougher spot then the new mother who is off from work for six weeks.

I also know of times in my life where it was really tough to get food on the table, for reasons nto postpartum related. We managed with pizza or frozen grocery meals.

I'll repeat, I think it's a nice thing, but there is also another side to it.
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Teomima




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:51 am
pesek zman wrote:
I agree with some of your post but take issue with DESERVE. You DESERVE hot meals? Deserve? Really?

In my world, no one deserves anything, least of all me.


Yes. I deserve. Really. EVERYONE deserves a hot meal. I certainly make sure my kids get at least one every day, why don't I deserve one postpartum, too?

Look, it's not like I'm the one calling my friends demanding they cook for me. They organize it as a way to do something extremely kind. I've always appreciated the fresh meals that showed up at my door post-birth. Had they not come would I have been hurt or angry? No. I'd probably have ordered lots of pizzas or Chinese takeout. But whenever I get asked to make something for someone else, I do it gladly. I don't go overboard like the OP, but I'm always happy to make someone a lasagna or a pot of soup. Because they deserve it.
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Simple1




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:51 am
For those that won't serve frozen food, maybe you're not doing it right. It has to be the right foods, wrap very well, sometimes freeze raw. I'm actually not so into freezing but I know it can be done decently. Maybe this could be a spinoff.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:52 am
I had one teacher that taught me the greatest lesson in life....she let us know it's nice to do chesed, but it's no longer a chesed when you or your family members suffer because of it...take it into account!!! And no body has a right to make you feel obligated...there is something very wrong with that...there is nothing wrong if you say no sometimes!!! Also , OP already made a supper , so there is no reason to feel uncomfortable to say, "I made her supper last week, this week is a hard week for me, I'm sorry I wont be able to"
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:53 am
I strongly believe that if you appreciate pp meals, you should make for others. If you don't appreciate them when you are a kimpeturin or don't see the need for them, then don't make for others.

I so appreciated getting suppers 2-3 weeks pp that when I make for others, I make it with that appreciation in mind. I know what it feels like to not be able to cook supper and feel like vomiting from the takeout of the last 2 weeks.
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 22 2015, 10:55 am
pesek zman wrote:
I agree with some of your post but take issue with DESERVE. You DESERVE hot meals? Deserve? Really?

In my world, no one deserves anything, least of all me.

Absolutely. A mother who has just given birth deserves a hot meal.

People don't always get what they deserve, but yes, how can she be expected to recover properly if she isn't eating decent food?
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