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The insanity of cooking suppers for someone who had a baby
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amother




Red


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:16 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
If you are serious , I gladly would !!!


Are you kidding me? I was in heaven eating your cooking! Better than a restaurant!
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:23 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
... and now you know why I always volunteer to cook on Sunday.


And maybe it's my community. But most of my friends deliver supper in pans already cooked at 9pm. We write warming instructions on top, and all the new Mom has to do is put the pans in the oven half an hour or so before she wants to serve it.
An added plus for me always was that if there was extra stuff- soup or whatever, I would use it for my lunch and the main would be for my family supper.
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amother




Natural


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:25 pm
amother wrote:
If a husband can't man up and put a piece of chicken in the oven for his postpartum wife, while his kids eat pizza, because he is "allergic" to it and therefore they "need" delivered meals, then yes...that is entitled.


If you are referring to my post no one ever sends me meals. But I literally starved after my last baby. They sent me home really early from hospital, with instructions to stay in bed. for the first 2 days. Big mistake, I should never have come home. At about 8pm on the first day I said to my husband where is my supper? He said Oh I made pizza for the kids, but you don't like pizza. I pointed out that you don't start thinking about supper at that point in the evening.

(Just to point out he was also looking after the kids, working from home etc. He happened to grow up in a vegetarian house so while he eats certain meats and chicken its not his favorite food at all)

After a few days bh I was able to be up and make simple meals or supervise my husband doing so. But not the first few days.

Its not just the cooking - its the shopping, cleaning up, etc.
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egam




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:28 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I used to make a lot more meals for my friends but I notice that most people want to eat between 4:30 and 5 and I am not not even home yet. A neighbor had surgery and I looked at the meal train but when it said dinner should be delivered at 4:30 I had to pass. I guess I am the odd one out who eats dinner later?


I either try to get Sunday, but if it’s taken, I send the food a night before. No one ever requested it to be sent hot. If someone would, I would just not participate in that particular meal train.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:29 pm
Men certainly are more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Not sure why the frum world still operates like the 1950s in many ways.
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finallyamommy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:37 pm
amother wrote:
Men certainly are more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Not sure why the frum world still operates like the 1950s in many ways.


SERIOUSLY.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:52 pm
amother wrote:
Men certainly are more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Not sure why the frum world still operates like the 1950s in many ways.


Attitudes like this confuse me. When I have a baby, my husband's responsibilities don't stop but he takes on all of mine as well and it's chaotic! Why is it so terrible if in addition to childcare and cleaning and helping with new baby and taking care of postpartum wife, he needs help with dinner?

I'm so fortunate to live in a community that encourages women to take meals for as long as they need and doesn't pressure those making meals to make it fancy. It's my part in ensuring that a yiddishe family can grow and more babies can be born because the mother knows she and her family will be taken care of.
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gingertop




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:53 pm
amother wrote:
Men certainly are more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Not sure why the frum world still operates like the 1950s in many ways.



Many men are not home enough to plan, shop, and execute an entire supper on a steady basis. For my first, my husband cooked. He doesn't have time anymore and let's face it, we don't do paternity leaves in the frum world because it's impractical after the first.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:58 pm
I have made dozens and dozens of meals for people. I probably make at least 1 a month for various friends and acquaintances. I dont do anything fancy. Protein, starch, veggie.

There is no insanity involved. It's a give and take. It's a way to give a baby gift and makes others feel good.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:59 pm
amother wrote:
Men certainly are more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Not sure why the frum world still operates like the 1950s in many ways.


Well... we need income in order to survive so dh has to... work.... He can’t take off from work and he comes home after the kids are in bed.

He also has no idea how to cook. It’s not number one on my priority list...not even number 15...
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:11 pm
flowerpower wrote:
Well... we need income in order to survive so dh has to... work.... He can’t take off from work and he comes home after the kids are in bed.

He also has no idea how to cook. It’s not number one on my priority list...not even number 15...

Exactly. How many husbands get any time off for having a baby? And then come home and help at night or with the other kids.
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:16 pm
Men cooking is a different story. Some love to cook or barbecue. Most busy families eat quicky suppers.

The real issue is how to help new mothers in a way that is doable for the helpers.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:17 pm
amother wrote:
My children are all grown now, b"H, but when I was pregnant, I did exactly as Maya suggested. During the last few weeks of every pregnancy, I prepared dinners for my family...almost everything I prepared tasted delicious even after frozen and for sure I knew what my DH and children liked, so none of it went to waste.

I frozen chicken and potatoes, spaghetti and meatballs, and in between DH picked up a pizza or two as a treat for the children.

The only exception to this would be if the new mom was on total bed rest during pregnancy, or had a C-section or difficult labor and delivery or, c"v, ppd.

Why do you get to decide what the exceptions are? I for one and usually busy the last few weeks making pesach, becasue I have generally been due right after pesach. I can’t fill my freezer right before pesach, becasue it’s already full!! I have a small freezer in my kitchen, which I use on pesach, and a separate full freezer, into which I put everything from my kitchen freezer, so there is no more space in it.
Again, what works for one person, may or may not work for someone else.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:27 pm
amother wrote:
If a husband can't man up and put a piece of chicken in the oven for his postpartum wife, while his kids eat pizza, because he is "allergic" to it and therefore they "need" delivered meals, then yes...that is entitled.

My husband would, but I can’t eat supper at 9:00 or later.
Can we stop tagging on husbands? Can we stop comparing meals? Can we all just do our best to be our best selves, and not worry about what everyone else thinks?
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:29 pm
In the frum world, even when women are the primary breadwinner somehow they are expected to do all of the sbove, even when coming home exhausted from a full day of work. No reason why most men can't pull themselves together and do it for a week or so while the wife recovers. Most jobs are covered by FMLA laws, btw.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:32 pm
amother wrote:
In the frum world, even when women are the primary breadwinner somehow they are expected to do all of the sbove, even when coming home exhausted from a full day of work. No reason why most men can't pull themselves together and do it for a week or so while the wife recovers.

Most women in the frum world are not the primary breadwinner. If you want to pick on the kollel community, please make it explicit. And anyway this id just a nice thing to do. Don't like it don't do it.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:33 pm
Maya wrote:
My question is why these women, who have nine months to prepare for this occasion, don't cook ahead and freeze dinners to be used during the postpartum period. I'm asking a serious question. That's one thing I don't understand about this whole issue.

Not an option for us with hyperemesis gravidarum that couldn’t handle the smell of even pita bread in the house for All nine months before giving birth, let alone be able to stand up most days with an IV in our arms.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:38 pm
I know several women IRL who are the breadwinner and are not in kollel. And there certainly seem to be many posters on this site in the same boat.
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gingertop




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:42 pm
amother wrote:
In the frum world, even when women are the primary breadwinner somehow they are expected to do all of the sbove, even when coming home exhausted from a full day of work. No reason why most men can't pull themselves together and do it for a week or so while the wife recovers. Most jobs are covered by FMLA laws, btw.


I'm still not seeing what's the downside of women coming together and helping someone who had a baby. Whoever can't do it shouldn't. I'm failing to see how this is anything other than a win/win for friends who want to help and women who are postpartum and very, very hungry.

Your broad brushed gripes about the frum world have nothing to do with the reality in which suppers are a wonderful help for so many families.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 5:49 pm
amother wrote:
In the frum world, even when women are the primary breadwinner somehow they are expected to do all of the sbove, even when coming home exhausted from a full day of work. No reason why most men can't pull themselves together and do it for a week or so while the wife recovers. Most jobs are covered by FMLA laws, btw.


Although this ain’t the 1950’s I still believe that men and women are wired differently. Dh would not handle doing all 23566 that I do a day in addition with what he has to do. He would probably vanish for a few weeks. Not every man can take off either. If you can’t understand that then you don’t have to. But if others want to happily volunteer to help others then no need to discourage them.
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