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Tzedakah... Not able to give... :(



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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 4:23 am
I've always been a give tzedaka person even for small amounts. When people come to our door its been our mitzvah and pleasure to give as we set aside money special for this. I always think of tzedaka as an insurance policy and know its a zechus for protection.
The drivers have come to know our address even though we don't give large amounts as we can't.
Well finances are seriously tough now (as they have often been) but I don't think we have any money left in our tzedaka account and our regular account is frighteningly low.

The drivers bring the meshulachim by the busload to us and its at a point where my shalom bayis is getting affected from it.

I ran out of checks from tzedaka account to and gave a few from our reg account and dh was really upset. He said I can't do it anymore and told the next guy that he has nothing left to give. (Guy # 6 for the night)
I was so sad and embarrassed when he turned down this poor old man that stood there and said he was so sick.

I'm contemplating going out to the drivers and telling them we have no money left but I'm am so sad and afraid to give up our mitzvah and our insurance policy.
But what else can I do?

I feel like Hashem sends them to us cuz we desperately need the zechus (we don't have too many others to our name... Not like either of us have time or do major chessed at all) and I'm also embarrassed to tell this to drivers as they have been coming to us for years.

Any chizuk?
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amother
Lime


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 5:36 am
Your husband is right. You cannot give from the money you need for basic living expenses. Your personal account is meant for your food, clothing, shelter and basic necessities. You have set up your finances to put aside what you can in a "tzedakah account". If that account is empty, you should not be taking from your personal account. You need to tell the collectors that you don't have. No guilt feelings.

My husband comes from an always giving home. Even when there was no funds they would invite the collector for a hot meal or snack even though hey couldn't give monetarily. Yet in our home, if our account is low or empty, we tell the collectors that we are unfortunately not able to help them. Halacha states clearly your family comes first.
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November




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 5:42 am
We are in a similar boat, unfortunately. It's very painful. I try to think of it as temporary - that's the best I can say right jow. And hopefully, with G-d's help, it will be temporary. Just know you are not alone.
And OP, I'm certain that you have other zechuyot. Shalom bayit, gidul banim just for starters. Remember what Pirkei Avot says- it may look like a small deed, but may be considered great in shamayim.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 6:16 am
Can you give something? $5? $3? Not a check. My neighborhood is all dati and we live in private houses so we look like we have money but we're not rich. A collector walks from house collecting. In one hour he can hit 20 houses. If we each give just 5 shekel he makes 100 shekel in just one hour (not a bad salary). I give between 3-10 shekel to anyone who comes to my door depending on what I have availble (and we get a few in one night).

One person isn't expected to finance another person (unless it's your own kid). Just give a few dollars if you can, and if they say it's too little, they don't really need the Tzedaka as much as you think.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 7:08 am
I was taught that it's a miztva to spread your tzedaka resources. What we do is, we give only small amounts (like a dollar or two) to people who come to the door. We also offer a drink, and DH has brought people home for a meal where needed.

On top of that, we have tzedakas we have looked into and chosen to support more generously on a regular basis.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 8:10 am
We only give a few dollars to begin with (used to give more but business been slower than ever so...)
I only do checks because I never have any cash.

But the checks have gotten to as low as $5.

And now its nothing at all.

Yes of course my family has to come first but I still feel like we need the protection of tzedaka!

(And my shalom bayis and gidul banim are sadly far from zechusable at the moment, I rarely have time to daven, its scary...)

But I know we can't give right now... I don't know how to get the message to all the drivers that come multiple times a night.

(Also my kids get so excited when a tzedaka man comes to the door... I feel like I'm going to take that away from them... Cuz now they see the dread every time there a knock on the door!)
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2015, 10:37 am
When collectors come to the door, often the driver takes a major cut. Think a third to a half. So quite a lot of your money is paying the driver, not going to the cause you want to support. It is much more efficient to send a check, however small, to the tzedaka of your choice.

I agree that giving at the door can improve your character and model good behavior for your children. But you probably don't need a whole bus full of people. I would start explaining to collectors that you give directly to tzedaka and not at the door.

They won't stop completely (so you will still have mitzvah opportunities) but the traffic and resulting bad feelings will be reduced.

You have a generous heart. I hope that someday soon you will be in a position to give tzedaka in accordance with your generous nature.
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