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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
DD Kicked Out For Something She Had Nothing To Do With
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:11 pm
I'm at a loss as to what to do here... I've been thinking about it since last Thursday since I got the call. I haven't told DH or DD yet... I'm not sure how Im going to tell them.

In short, DD (younger) was kicked out of school. And she didn't even do anything.

My oldest daughter graduated high school this past year. As a reward/treat, DH and I took her to see a Broadway play she's been wanting to see. We all had a great time.

Last Thursday, I got a call from the administrator of DD's school (she's going into the 6th grade). He told us that he heard that we went to a Broadway show, and that we are no longer welcome in the school. I was floored and dumbfounded. DD didn't go the play... her older sister did (and she never went to that school). Why was he punishing DD for something she didn't do and had no control over? He didn't care... we're out for going to a play.

I've called back several times since then trying to get some sort of answer on how/why this has happened. We're not the type who is hypocritical and hides the TV in the closet. We made no bones about who we were when we first applied to the school. DH walked in with his leather yarmulke (decent size, of course), colored shirt, Dockers and sneakers. They knew that we watch TV, go to movies, etc. They also know that we strictly monitor what our children watch and see (and yes, DH and I had seen this play before, so we knew it was OK for our older DD). We didn't sign any pledges saying that we don't have a TV, Internet connection or anything like that.

I've tried calling back several times to find out why DD is being treated like this, but the administrator refuses to take my calls. I'm at a total loss. I don't know how to tell DH, I don't know how to tell DD (she's in camp now anyway) when I see her again.

And, to top it off, I'll bet they're not going to refund our registration fee either.

Can they do this? Can they punish one daughter for something that her parents and sister did... especially when there was no "rule" against it in the first place?

Suggestions? How do I tell DH? How do I tell DD?
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su7kids




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:17 pm
amother wrote:


Can they do this? Can they punish one daughter for something that her parents and sister did... especially when there was no "rule" against it in the first place?

Suggestions? How do I tell DH? How do I tell DD?


I don't see why they shouldn't be able to do it. Its their school, and they make the rules. However, I do believe you're entitled to an explanation. You could go and make a very loud noise in the community, or at least threaten to, and maybe they were looking for a way to get your dd out of there, based on all you wrote above, and this was a good "final straw" from their perspective.

Tell DH, and work it out with him first before you tell your daughter.
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Esther01




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:19 pm
I would make an appointment with principal/addministration, and have a talk where both sides can explain their part of the story. I think you deserve an explanation and I think they owe it to you.
I would just tell dh exactly what you wrote here, he can only help you figure this one out. maybe this is a sign that this school isn't for you, I don't know, but you definately should have a talk with principal, together with dh.
maybe they'll agree to keep dd with certain conditions. don't mix dd in till necessary, she doens't need this headache, especially taht she hasn't done anything wrong.
good luck
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red sea




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:30 pm
Wow, thats crazy. For sure tell your dh asap. If they are intentionally avoiding you, maybe show up unannounced and see if they will meet with you. Short of that if you really want dd to stay there (unwelcome by staff) since why should she change friends & all in 6th grade, I would try to get a sympathetic Rabbi involved to talk to them as a go between.
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:32 pm
do you have a Rav or some sort of influential figure that can speak to them on your behalf? if they wont take your calls it can be so frusterating!!! maybe someone who can act as a go-between can assist in making the communication easier and perhaps some misunderstandings can be explained.
{{HUGS!}}
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shoshb




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:35 pm
Find the energy to tell DH. This was not your fault, you don't have to bear this all by yourself, he may have some good insights.
I would bypass the principle and administration, and talk to someone on the board. The admonistration answers to the board, and they have more power. You can call them individually at home if need be. They either owe you an explanation, or should arrange to reinstate your daughter (if that's what you want). And they have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to keep your registration fee. If it's a significant sum of $$$, and they refuse to refund it, I would discuss legal action. And to cover all your bases, start looking for another school. No need to tell dd until you've worked something out with them.
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stem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:37 pm
Find out who the president and members of the board are and start calling them until someone listens to you. You deserve an explanation.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 7:40 pm
You can try, since you signed nothing that precludes Broadway shows.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 8:30 pm
hey ... I had 2 of my dds in a school and then they wouldn't take my youngest (can't remember at what point my others changed schools - but I didn't feel their new school would be appropriate for little dd) ... came up with a tv excuse ... so I curiously told them that I watch on my computer monitor (cause I did) and then notified them that I was wondering what the parent who go into blockbuster watch their movies on - perhaps it was the microwave What

anyways I have sent little one to another school ... and you know what she is great there ... a good girl (most of the time - we all do have our moments you know) and whenever I see the principal I mention how much they missed out of my kid and how much they would have loved her as a student ... Yes Idea

my advice to you OP is to look for another school - one that perhaps will benefit your family w/o others having to ostracize especially an innocent child ...
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btMOMtoFFBs




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 8:47 pm
If the administrator doesn't take your call, then maybe you could go to Bais Din Question Do you still want your DD in this school? Think about it before taking your next step. Sometimes these things seem awful when they happen, but they actually turn out to be for the best.

(((Hugs))) and good luck.
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Mimisinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 9:08 pm
I am so sorry for you OP - that school/principal needs a kick in the behind. Did he get permission from the board to kick dd out? I would make a HUGE stink! And, they're def. NOT keeping that registration fee.
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 9:34 pm
I'm soooo sorry for you. Do they have rules about going to Broadway shows?

One suggestion: Don't ruin your daughters camp experience by this. I absolutely would not involve her in any steps you may take to rectify this.
Hope you can resolve this shortly.
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Mrs.Norris




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 10:14 pm
why would you want to continue sending your daughter to a place she is clearly not wanted? The school has done something completely inexcusable ... would you still send your child back?
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 11 2007, 10:14 pm
Quote:
I've tried calling back several times to find out why DD is being treated like this, but the administrator refuses to take my calls.


Maybe your phone isn't kosher enough for them. Twisted Evil

I'm sorry you are going through this...
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 7:45 am
I am wondering why you would want to send your DD back to that school anyway. Ther are other good schools out there that will accept you and your DD for who you are. Like with the kosher phone thing, the shoving the religion down your throat is getting out of hand, mark my words, we will unfortunately see many more people become fed up with the stupidity and become less frum because of it.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 9:32 am
no reason to tell your daughter at all at this time until you have come to some conclusion or decisions, I cant imagine why you didnt tell you hub the first second you got that phone call? why worry by yourself?
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faigie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 11:51 am
you dont need them, you dont need their school. tell your dh, youve nothing to fear.
why in the world do you want to subject yourself to a place that holds judgment over your head? remember YOU are the parent YOU should decide what you think is best for your children.. do NOT give that power over to some administrator. btw...... if youre in the brooklyn area, we love shulamith....
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 11:58 am
I wouldnt start up with beis din or a rav and all these, just get her out of there, and try finding something more suitable.
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 12:58 pm
I agree about Shulamith.
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 12 2007, 2:37 pm
brooklyn wrote:
I am wondering why you would want to send your DD back to that school anyway.


Maybe because it's her school, where her friends are, where she's comfortable. Changing schools isn't easy, you know.
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