My son insists on fasting!!

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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miriamnechama

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 6:50 am

I know this is going to happen, every tear it does, my almost 8 year old for the past 3 years on tisha beav and yom kippur insists on fasting. he won't eat I hate it and drives me crazy. then come to the end of the fast especially on yom kippur he eats cake as if he never saw it in his life. on tisha baav I make sure he is in bed my then though it happened one year that I couldn't break my fast in peace, let alone yom kippur.

it drives me nut!! can't he just eat when he is told to and leavethe adults alone later?? we were never as kids allowed near parents when the wanted to break their fast.

he thinks it's a mitzva because the rebbe says one fasts so he thinks also he has to...

what should I do??

oh and boy if I would tell him he has to fast before a blood test he would probably refuse!!!

sarahd

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:43 am

It's assur for a child that age to fast, does your son know that? And if he does fast, rather than doing a mitzva it's an aveira. Besides for the aveira of not listening to his parents.

greenfire

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:55 am

oh please if you're gonna be that harsh on a child his goodness will backfire ... he is a kid one who wants to jump on the bandwagon ... obviously he is doing it anyway so the bigger deal you make the bigger deal he is going to make ... try telling him he could fast till chatzos since that is what some under bar mitzva age boys do ... and then prepare something that he will be able to eat ... and hope for the best ... try finding written things about kids fasting/not fasting and learn them with him or speak to his rebbi or counselor see if they could help out ...

shalhevet

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 8:16 am

What would you do if he wanted to do something else that's dangerous, like cross a busy road not at a crossing or practice jumping out of first floor windows with a friend?

Tell him he's not allowed to and that's it. When he's 9 he can fast part of the fast if he wants to. Maybe your rav/ his rebbe telling him it's assur will help more.

The end of the fast part is trickier. When kids see cake etc they want some too, even if they ate 10 minutes before. I try and give my kids supper (the little ones) about half an hour to an hour before the end of the fast. Then I expect even a three or four year old to listen to me (I don't think they can understand yet) that I haven't eaten all day and they have. If the times work out I also try and put them to bed first or have an older (not yet fasting) child keep them occupied.

Lechatchila Ariber

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 9:02 am

he is almost 8 and has been fasting for 3 years so that means he was five when he started shock

You mustn't let him fast.
Didn't his teacher teach him that kids don't fast? Confused

TzenaRena

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 10:50 am

Before nine, a child shouldn't fast. After nine they can, but don't have to. My son, who is ten started fasting, and b"h handles it well (I wouldn't let him if he didn't) now his counselor in camp wouldn't let him. He made him eat breakfast. He was very disappointed.

But I would have been nervous if they let him fast, and I wasn't there to monitor him.

miriamnechama

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:15 am

put it this way he makes a fuss. so I put food aside and it's his choice. I really can't go crazy and don't have the coach. I'm not sure if it's the rebbe or what he hears that he want's to try to be a real tzadik.

I was also told by an aqauintance that in her circles she was made to fast from the age of 9 and now as a woman with several kids suffers from it terribly. she tells me that her body just was not ready for it.

about the nush well I was told that tisha baav is not the day to give nush to kids when adults are fasting. yom kippur is harder in a sense, but tisha baavi make it clear to him that if he doesn't eat it's his problem and he won't get later. and try to make sure that they are in bed before the fast goes out. I don't have anyone to occupy him and he'll drive me insane so even if he is up, iwon't end up breaking my fast till he is in bed. the same goes with yom kippur, he's too busy in shul that I can't get him to eat. (maybe thius time I'll have to prepare him sandwiches also for yom kippur. it's problem because he gets up and rushes to shul with out eating.) I think I'm just gonna have to get tougher with him.

happymom

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:46 am

let his rebbe speak to him and let him know that his way of fasting can be davening alot and NO NOSH and although its so beautiful that he wants to do the right think its not a mitzvah to fast at eight....

chocolate moose

Sun, Jul 22 2007, 7:13 pm

There is no reason to allow any child to set the standard in a home. He's not in charge!

Piper

Sun, Jul 22 2007, 8:01 pm

my son was like this (he's almost 14, so now it's a moot point), so I compromised: food only fast until he wanted to break it.

Imaonwheels

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 12:56 am

I never stopped my kids who being boys wanted to be gibborim. I putout every fast day food on the table that can be popped into the micro (preg and nursing is old history so I am also fasting minor fasts). Nosh on fast days was a big no no by me at any age, That is the kids fast. At nine one begins fasting partially. When each of my boys turned nine they ate a good meal before the fast and then didn't eat until breakfast.

Usually they break so we never had a health issue. We did have a problem last year as I only have 1 under BM and I had 2 boys who had just turned 13. We had to sit onj my 11 yr old (who usually fasted most of the day) not to break the fast 1-2 before the time in front of his older brothers on purpose, stam mean and he was punished.

Our shul doesn't break fasts with cake but with watermelon. Messier but healthier as it also replenishes fluid.

grin

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 1:06 am

I agree with you, but also must say that my kids remember bitterly till this day the years I forced them to eat. (They were over 9 and I felt they shouldn't fast the entire day.)

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