Children with too high self-esteem

southernbubby

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 10:13 am

This month's webMD magazine (www.WebMD.com) has an article called BRAT PACK, Can children have too much self esteem? The article states that parents who grabbed onto the self-esteem buzzword have over-parented and given their children an unrealistic sense of entitlement. When these kiddos get older and the applause for their every move stops, they might become narcissistic and turn to drugs, promiscuity, bullying, and alcohol. Problems that were thought to be the result of low self-esteem, are now believed not to stem from that.
It appears that it is less risky to have a bit of a low self-esteem than one that is too high.
Quote from article, "the overvalued child truly believes he's superior to others". The article goes on to state that both over and under valued kids could grow up to be selfish and then makes suggestions for the development of healthy self-esteem via limit setting. Any thoughts?

technic

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 11:05 am

I wondered abt how 2 get the balance right btwn praising a child 4 a talent and making them arrogant abt it - the advice was 2 say sthing along the lines of "ur really good at art, its a gift that Hashem gave u"...

chocolate moose

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 11:29 am

....or they might grow up to be conceited adults.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 11:31 am

I think a lot of the arrogant kids really might have LOW self-esteem and need to make themselves feel better by announcing to all how great they are. They don't really feel it, and need to masquerade that uncertainty, by over compensating in the other direction.

Mimisinger

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 11:43 am

HY you are definitively right.

As for parents who praise every little thing. Everything should be in moderation. Yes, praise them for the A or for sharing or giving tzedakah but also punish when they're being mean or not studying or whatever. You must do both.

chen

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 2:50 pm

I think the bottom-line problem is not excessive self-respect, but a lack of respect for others. Not "I am the best and the center of the universe" but "I am the best and you're not," or even "I am a worm and you are an insect, but I am still the center of the universe and you're not."

We also have a problem with moral relativism and an unwillingness to commit. We are afraid to come out and say XYZ is wrong. Mistaken, misguided, yes, but wrong? Never. We are afraid to make people responsible for their own actions. If the Devil didn't make me do it, then drink or stupidity or insanity did.

Add to this our worship of celebrity and celebrities, riches and the rich, fame and the famous. Whom do we plaster across the front pages of our tabloids? Not "dedicated teacher retires after 60 years, plans to build school for disabled poor" but the salacious doings of spoiled-rotten heiresses, foul-mouthed rockers, hate-mongering rappers and no-redeeming-social-value movie stars. There is one law for the rich, famous and well-connected and another for the poor and obscure--which is why Marc Rich is at liberty and Jonathan Pollard is rotting in jail.

Sadly, the frum world is not immune to any of this. Right here on our very own forum we have kallos whining that they can't be bothered writing thank-you notes to the 700 people who sent them wedding gifts, people who will not have overnight guests because they refuse to let their precious children give up their beds, prospective chasonim with such an inflated view of their own worth that they hold out for the best "deal" rather than the best person, married children incensed that their parents won't cough up the gelt to support them in the style to which they aspire...

News flash: guilt is a good thing. It's what keeps people from doing the wrong thing.

Lechatchila Ariber

Thu, Jul 19 2007, 3:06 pm

whatdayaknow

gee this concept sounds familiar!!!