Naming after someone when you don't like the name

nchr

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 8:05 am

Chayalle wrote:

Aliza for Frayda (that's my grandmother's name. She should live to 120!)

Adina for Shaindel (that's why I didn't call my grandmother till AFTER DD already had her name. She wouldn't have gone for the Adina, and DH does not like Shaindel.)

Frumit - don't know. My niece has Frumit as her second name. I don't think too many people know about it.

I've heard of Yaffa for Shaindel (beautiful) and Adina for Yenta (gentle). You obviously did your research before so I just made the post for the thread and its readers.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 10:18 am

amother wrote:

What do you do in a situation like this? The ways I know that people go around it wouldn't go over well - making it a middle name,
making it a first name but calling child by their middle name,
making it their Hebrew name and then going by an English name,
using a nickname.

We have relatives close by who would resent any of those things. I kinda feel a parent should get to choose a name they like and not feel pressured to use a certain name. Thoughts?

Another secondary issue - if we just end up using that name, do I give the name I really like as a middle name or "save" it in case we have another kid of that gender (which could totally not happen as who knows if we'll have another kid of that gender)? This decision is driving me nuts!

I named my daughter two names, both for specific reasons, and it happened to be it was also my husbands grandmother. There are other nieces with the same name, but our daughter only goes by her first name. Her first name is her legal name also, not the middle name. My mother in law is not the type to say anything, so I would never know if she is insulted or not. (She thinks, as does my husbands side of the family, that my daughter was just named after her mother, she doesn’t know that she actually wasn’t.)
My sister named one of her kids after a relative and used that name as a middle name. Turns out, her kids all liked the combo, and they have always called that kid by both names.
I understand there are different dynamics, but I don’t get the “so and so will be insulted” bit. Let them be insulted. It’s not their kid, they don’t get to choose the name. Either they’ll get over it or they won’t.

amother

Rose

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

I've always had an extremely difficult relationship with my MIL (she's not Jewish and has wild mood swings due to alcoholism and depression) and my husband wanted me to name our daughter after her using a 'Hebracized' version of her non-Jewish name... sorry, but not happening... I don't put my food down often, but I drew the line at that one

Your marriage, your child, your decision. I personally find this a little insensitive. Alcoholism is a disease, not a personality trait and your MIL may have been an entirely different person sober. I know alcoholics who are beautiful human beings, struggling with something I cannot begin to imagine. Clearly your husband wanted to remember his mother and probably also has positive feelings towards her. Not giving the name is your choice, but it shouldn't be based upon "I'm not naming after the depressed, all over the place alcoholic." Maybe your grandchildren will have her name and that will please your DH enough to remember his mother while also not causing any pain since your children never knew her.