Myers Briggs type N

amother

Yellow

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 12:36 pm

Hi. Im an I N F P who is finding the ESJ world so challenging. And wondering if I can get some support here.
I envy all those here who manage large households so well. And then I tell myself Im someone else with different skills. I know as a human and a Jewish mom I have to learn skills to navigate this world and the frum world of running home / play dates for kids / cooking cleaning / Shabbos etc. it takes a lot of E S J
Im sorely lacking those skills.
Please any advice support from like people. Advice from real S won't work.

PLEASE NO BASHING OF TYPES. I APPRECIATE THE STRENGTHS HASHEM GAVE US ALL AS INDIVIDUALS. RIGHT NOW Im TRYING TO APPRECIATE MY STRENGTHS AND DEVELOP SOME NEW ONES AND BECOME MORE WHOLESOME
( posting anonymously for now)

Edited to add that I know INFPs are 2% of population. But I thought I'd seen some around here. No responses?!
I guess the course of a frum mother really needs such SJ skills that those are usually in the Chinuch. Unfortunately I didn't take to developing those skills when I could have and probably there weren't many opportunities for really clueless Ns like me.
Im only beginning to see just how impractical I am and I know that's not a healthy way to talk to myself.
I considered posting this under another forum but where ? Under the practical household-organizing scares me from getting all the ESJ matter of fact simple condescending scoldings
( sorry if Im label bashing. It's my insecurity - that's why Im asking for support )

chani8

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 10:23 am

I'm an INTJ and understand the difficulties of not having enough S.

And you are correct that it takes a lot of ESJ to be successful. I teach my children to utilize their strengths to cover for their weaknesses. For example, I told my INFP daughter to use her F to help motivate herself to do S work. She said it really works. She summons up a really good reason and the warm fuzzies to go with it, and off she goes.

Most of my family are introverts. And I taught them to respect and protect their Introverted selves. Personally, I just.dont get involved in community things anymore. As for playdates, check to see if your child is introverted. If so, then drop the playdate thing. School is enough social!

An INFP truly has difficulties and struggles that others dont. My advice is, cut corners. Take time to N about the ways that you can 'not' do things. Like cutting housework to a minimum and not doing playdates and keeping shobbos meals very simple.

Last edited by chani8 on Mon, Mar 14 2016, 10:35 am; edited 1 time in total

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 10:29 am

I'm married to an INFP. I think it's easier for a guy in some ways (especially if he's married to an ESFJ).

But how does this play out in your marriage (if you are married)? How do you balance each other? I view myself and DH very much as a team...he brings the insight and the spontaneous to balance me.

gp2.0

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 10:44 am

I'm an INFP though I dislike personality tests if you then feel "stuck" in your personality - personality can change. I've certainly changed. Here's how this INFP deals with some of the issues you described:

Housework: get help. I can't manage without cleaning help and I'm ok with that. I've accepted it. I can't do it. I can do lots of other things that other people would pay for - I fixed my washing machine for $5 instead of $75, I painted my bedroom ceiling for $30 instead of $100 etc. but I just can't maintain the cleanliness of a house and so I pay someone to help me with that.

Play dates/talking to people: def changed my personality in this area. I'm still not the life of the party, but I've gotten less "selfish" for lack of a better word. Instead of thinking about myself, how uncomfortable I am, I use some empathy and focus on the other person. I'm good at reading rooms, reading people, and when I started looking up from the corner I was in, I saw a lot of people who were just as uncomfortable as I was. Then I used some empathy and began talking to people so that THEY wouldn't feel uncomfortable. It works. I think of how happy I'll make someone else by paying attention to them and that gives me the push to do it.

Cooking: I enjoy cooking. It's a very solitary meditative activity, I'm not sure why you think it's an ESJ trait. I like cooking for other people. I like making people happy and keeping them healthy. Eating healthy myself is more of a challenge but I do that sometimes by preparing a weeks worth of food for myself in advance.

What else?

mamamia1

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 11:47 am

Op here Thanks everyone for answering.
Your answers made me smile and will be reread when I have more time and a
Chance to integrate the advice

Chani8 - I smiled when I saw you answer - I'll pm you
wish I lived near you
Chayale part of the challenge/ joy is my husband is also INFP( he has much
More s than me though.
Gp20 loved your tips too.
I do like cooking - it's the planning and organizing cleaning and figuring out how to reheat Etc. that I find so challenging. I actually am a little bit of a health nut so that also adds it's challenge - if I let myself cheat with all the processed foods it would be much
Easier.
I also only know how to cook fresh - can't figure out how to make ahead even for Shabbos. - how to reheat?

Will check back later but wanted to thank you all for helping me feel understood and making me smile and for the practical tips

Will drop my amother and own my INFP ness publicly

gp2.0

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 1:05 pm

Many Shabbos things can be made in advance.

Soup: I make huge pot once a month, divide it into quart size plastic containers and freeze. Friday afternoon I partially defrost the soup until it can slide out of the container, dump the chunk of ice in a pot, get it boiling and then move it to blech on a simmer.

Fish and Meat: can be made Thursday evening, refrigerated, reheated on blech or hot plate Friday before Zman.

Many things can be refrigerated or frozen and taste fresh when reheated. Some foods lose their texture when frozen but not many. Maybe you can post that question in the recipe section. Wink

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 7:35 pm

ENFP here:
There are so many factors as to why you would be less productive than what you'd like. How can you pin it on the N? More likely it's the P lack of organization.
I am a P naturally but my husband is super J and it bothered him so much I trained myself to think like a J. Made lists, timers, schedules , goals, call ahead wherever I go etc..
Also, there could be other reasons to feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities such as anxiety, depression, or a difficult circumstance, or sensory issues, too high expectations of yourself, lack of sleep....

mamamia1

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 8:02 pm

amother wrote:

Astute observation and well said.
I actually do have challenges in lots of areas and am working on those too.
However, I also noticed that I simply dont have the s skills for somethings. so this was my attempt to deal with this area of challenge.
I actually do have a J side - (more
Than my husband who is a real P and way more Accepting of my impracticality than I am - I think it's the J that's self critical! ) anyway enough typing.
I did as Gp2.0 suggested snd posted in recipes for
Some practical advice.
This post got me some empathy and understanding which I needed too.

Thanks everyone

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 10:01 pm

Ok so now I'm intrigued. I have to admit that I'm really into the personality thing but im hazy on the sensing bit. How sensing is different from thinking . Is sensing/ intuitive the way you process things and thinking/ feeling how you make decisions? so what skills does a sensing person in particular have that you/ we are missing? Can you give details? Maybe I'll have some practical ideas.

mamamia1

Tue, Mar 15 2016, 6:02 pm

amother wrote:

In short
Sensing vs, intuitive
S - more practical grounded concrete
N - more metaphysical ideas abstract

Thinking vs feeling is more about mind over heart or logic over feelings ( nothing to do with intelligence just how you make decisions -extreme is with pure logic or pure heart )
Sorry there's more but best I can do in the time frame

My challenge is that I like to stay in my mind(n) / abstract and dealing with the
Practical world is tedious and challenging
More examples another time.