Husband Showering with DD

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:16 pm

Up until a recent erev Shabbat, dh has been very careful about being naked around dd -- 10 months old (ex: if she were crawling around our room while we are getting dressed). On a recent erev shabbat dh took dd up stairs and bathed her in the shower while he was showering -- to save time. He mentioned that he felt that she was very aware of his body part. I told him that's silly, she's too young but if he feels strange he shouldn't do it again. So he showered again with her this week, and he said she again was very 'amused' and aware of him. Is this possible? We obviously don't want our daughter being exposed to my husband at an age where she is aware, we just assumed that would be around 2 -3 yrs old.

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:32 pm

I don't know, but since no one really knows, I would NOT do it!

amother

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:36 pm

I dont think it should be done.

rainbow

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:36 pm

My personal take on this, dd should not see her father naked.

MommyLuv

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:38 pm

I agree... The psychology behind the father-daughter relationship is complex enough. Don't add to it. Bathing with her mom is much different than with her father.

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:39 pm

rainbow wrote:

My personal take on this, dd should not see her father naked.

and ds the mother.

But really, no child should see a parent naked or in underwear.

My mother has a friend who runs around the house in tee shirt and underwear in front of her sons (and me, since I was a guest). The sons were at the time 17, 15 and 9. They are not frum (traditional) but well... this SHOCKED me.

chocolate moose

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:41 pm

We've discussed this before - kids are pretty slippery, and if a man needs to bathe himself, he shouldn't have a child in there.

greenfire

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 9:51 pm

the more anybody makes an issue of anything ... the more it will be ... some families are comfortable in their own skin ...

chocolate moose

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 10:00 pm

Naked notwitstanding, I don't think it's safe.

greenfire

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 10:07 pm

I always took baths & showers with my kids ... so ... I never had an issue ... babies are slippery and you must be careful whenever and however you give them a bath ...

nicole81

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 10:37 pm

did he let your 10 month old stand in the shower? if not, how was he holding her that she even came close to seeing that area?

dh showers with my baby and her head is never lower than his shoulder. but anyway, I think 10 months old is way too young to be worrying about this. but to each their own...

chavamom

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 10:48 pm

I remember learning that until the age of 3 it is OK and after that, the child should not see *either* parent naked. Now, as to "is it done" (meaning younger than that), can't say.

amother

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 11:07 pm

Quote:

I remember learning that until the age of 3 it is OK and after that, the child should not see *either* parent naked.

well if the father takes his sons to the mikvah, or will eventually, I see no point in tryng to never let them see him naked.
regarding girls though, I'd say a girl can see her mother till age 3 not more. and never her father, at least not after age 1.

chavamom

Sun, Aug 05 2007, 11:12 pm

Actually, I learned this in regard to father's taking sons to the mikvah and that it is a problem....

mummiedearest

Wed, Aug 15 2007, 1:16 pm

at ten months they are starting to understand more language and concepts and yes, they notice anything interesting on parents' bodies. they also notice anything interesting on their own bodies. even if they don't understand what they're seeing, why build an interest? I bathed in front of my baby once when he was two months old, and he sat in his baby seat and I sat in the tub with the curtain closed so he could only see my head. it wouldn't have been terrible if he had seen the rest of me, but I didn't want to get into the habit of being naked in front of him. if you don't have time for a fun bath, cleaning a baby takes thirty seconds if you're experienced. if your husband feels uncomfortable and still wants to shower with her, have him wear a bathing suit.

madys

Wed, Aug 15 2007, 2:00 pm

when my middle daughter walked in on dh while he was in the shower, she asked him why he had a tail..... she was about 2 at the time.

Cinderella

Wed, Aug 15 2007, 2:03 pm

madys wrote:

when my middle daughter walked in on dh while he was in the shower, she asked him why he had a tail..... she was about 2 at the time.

Hysterical! Rolling Laughter

I wonder how that one was explained?

Tamiri

Fri, Aug 24 2007, 2:42 am

My opinion is that if DH mentioned the fact there is even a chashash that DD was noticing things - even if it seems impossible for this to be the case (for example, he held her on his shoulder the whole time) - it is good advice to stop co-showering right now. These things between a father and daughter should not come to mind at all.

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