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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shavuos
Do you feel more spiritual post shavous?



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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Mon, Jun 13 2016, 10:49 pm
After all the work for yontiff, now that it's over I feel like I didn't really get any spirituality out of it. Small kids so no shul, had some company and went out but really I'm just not feeling it.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Mon, Jun 13 2016, 10:57 pm
I'm assuming you are a spiritual person who DID enjoy the spirituality of every yom tov and that's why you miss it now.
The fact is that with spirituality you have to give to get. It doesn't magically appear without some investment. When I had several little kids close together, I really missed davening properly, attending shul, listening to intellectual shiurim but simply didn't have the time and peace of mind for that. Yom tov alone didn't make me feel spiritual unless I read sth about the themes of the yom tov beforehand or did something similar.
So while I sympathize and can relate, just remind yourself that you were doing what you were meant to this yom tov. Clearly, this is what Hashem wants from you now. I know everyone says that and it can seem like empty words sometimes, but it's true.
Eventually, as soon as you have time and presence of mind, you can begin to squeeze spiritual activities into your life and hopefully "feel it" then.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 13 2016, 11:26 pm
No. Not at all. I took care of my kids, had guests, visited friends and family. I had a wonderful yom tov. Why do I need to frel extra spiritual?
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boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 12:18 am
to answer the OP, yes. I do. BH.
it helped that I went to shul both days, heard krias hatorah, birchas kohanim, went to two shiurim, cooked basic but nice yomtov meals.
and I also feel fatter Btw Smile

I am sorry you didnt feel it OP, there is a big correlation in my opinion between going to shul and feeling it, as opposed to staying home with little kids and not feeling it as much. Try yom kippur with a newborn - the year I did that, I really felt like I almost just missed YK out altogether, that was not nice at all...
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 1:33 am
Yes I do. I also don't have kids and barely cooked on yomtov. When I have kids I will bring them to the youth programming at my shul and take turns with my husband going to shiurim. I don't think you have to accept that you just need To stay home with your kids over yomtov.
There is no reason you can't share the child watching with your husband, or hire a babysitter or go to a shul that offers childcare or trade off babysitting with a friend.
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 1:46 am
tichellady wrote:
Yes I do. I also don't have kids and barely cooked on yomtov. When I have kids I will bring them to the youth programming at my shul and take turns with my husband going to shiurim. I don't think you have to accept that you just need To stay home with your kids over yomtov.
There is no reason you can't share the child watching with your husband, or hire a babysitter or go to a shul that offers childcare or trade off babysitting with a friend.


Before you have kids, you can't always know how you'll arrange things. It's great that you plan to keep participating (that's what I did when mine were little) but since you haven't been in the situation, you might find that plans and reality don't always match up.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 1:55 am
5mom wrote:
Before you have kids, you can't always know how you'll arrange things. It's great that you plan to keep participating (that's what I did when mine were little) but since you haven't been in the situation, you might find that plans and reality don't always match up.


Yes that's true. That said, all of my friend in my community with children that are not newborns ( and even some with newborns) do go to shul on a normal basis so I don't think my expectations are unrealistic. I am lucky to live in a community that values parents of young children coming to shul.
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 2:16 am
You are lucky to live in a community that values mothers coming to shul. I wish more amothers had that.

But you know what? Sometimes the sensitive introverted kid is overwhelmed in groups. Sometimes nap schedules conflict with davening times. Sometimes you're just too tired to get out. Whatever.

As the saying goes, I used to be the world's best mother. Then I had kids.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 2:30 am
I'm not interested in continuing this conversation. I don't think I will be the best mother ever ( right now I would just love to be a mom at all) and I am not judging or putting down anyone who found yomtov with young kids challenging and or not spiritual. I personally find learning to be my favorite part of yomtov so I hope to prioritize learning on yomtov my whole life, without kids and with kids, but I know there are no guarantees. But I do think that if you at least know what your priority is that's the first step to fitting in some of it over yomtov, even if it's not the quantity or quality you were hoping for.

To all those who felt your yomtov was not spiritual I hope you can find a way to make your next shabboses and yomtovs somewhat more spiritual or enjoyable. Wishing everyone good luck getting back to regular life!
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 2:36 am
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Of course mothers can make their spiritual life a priority. Sometimes it's as simple as arranging shiurim late on Shavuot afternoon, not in conflict with mincha. But very few people have the same spiritually intense experiences they did before children while tending to the little ones. That's life.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 6:37 am
I had the worst shavuos ever. I dont know what happened. The kids were fighting every single meal. All that work I put into making the holiday special, was for nothing. I pushed myself to bake something special for everyone. And they could not stop fighting over nothing.

At wits end Broken Heart Feeling beat up
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:00 am
I agree with tichellady. If learning is important to you you just have to arrange things, even after children come into the picture, so that both parents take a bit of the night so that each one can go to some shiurim. I know quiet a few families like that. By me, growing up and where I live now, its just done. The shiurim are not only for the men. Learning is for the women too.
Personally, I never stayed up when I was single and dont stay up now either. Its just not good for my physical well being. So I pretty much felt the same way before and after shavuot, but it was a nice chag, friends at two meals and relaxing too. So for me it was a win win situation.
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Runner18




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:26 am
No, just fatter.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:39 am
I spent the first night of Shavuos literally sobbing at the table (the kids were all asleep, thank G-d) and then again in bed because I just couldn't hold in the feelings anymore of religious doubt and apathy and cynicism and the self-hatred ("ON SHAVUOS, Z'MAN MATAN TORASEINU, YOU FEEL THIS WAY? OF ALL TIMES? REALLY?") and utter terror that inspires.

I spent the first day of Shavuos reading The Lonely Man of Faith by R' Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Recommended by DH, who apparently isn't as emotionally torn-up as me, but feels the same cognitive dissonance of "Well, there's no way I'd be frum if I wasn't born into it."

I had company for the second day of Shavuos, so that was nice and kept my mind from going to dark and scary places.

So, thinking spiritual thoughts doesn't necessarily mean everything is hunky-dory. Though DH says better to feel a struggle than to feel nothing at all...
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 10:58 am
nope.

I had a great yom tov though. family time, friends, good food, great weather, new clothing.

I'm not a spiritual type though so I'm not bothered.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 3:43 pm
Exhausted? Yes.
Spiritual? No. Although I did manage to daven shacharis hallel and musaf on Second day yt. Big accomplishment for me.
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 3:52 pm
causemommysaid wrote:
nope.

I had a great yom tov though. family time, friends, good food, great weather, new clothing.

I'm not a spiritual type though so I'm not bothered.


can you expand on this? I'm genuinely curious. how do you determine that? I feel guilty that I'm not spiritual. even when I do pray, I hardly feel it.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 5:59 pm
Hmm. I seek to find spirituality in my daily life at all times, whether or not I have the time/inclination to learn, daven etc.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 6:00 pm
Yes. I have little kids and did not go to shul at all. We only had guests for one meal. When all my kids were asleep and I was alone waiting for my husband to have a seuda, I was stuck looking at all my kids matan Torah projects. Somehow, the Jewish magazines did not feel intriguing. I said Tehilim and really got into it, I read a few Torah books. I felt overwhelmingly happy to be a Torah Jew, a kollel wife, and be running a household where I can transmit this to my children. I've been through a lot of suffering, and I have come to realize that at the bottom of the pit, when there is nothing left, there is G-d.
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