Att: Teachers and Parents

amother

Wed, Aug 15 2007, 12:19 am

Can you read this article and comment? It's nowhere near finished-- needs a lot of editing but I'd like to hear your input. What else would you like to see included? What would you like taken out? The publication I'm writing for asked me to share tips based on my experiences as I B"H was very well liked by parents and students. However, I don't want it to sound too self-complimetary and preachy. Help me pls. Don't be afraid to criticize...so long as you do so constructively.

Uch...the italicized and bolded lines didn't come out . All examples should have been italicized and try to bold lines in your brain.

Thanks
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TIPS FOR FIRST YEAR TEACHERS

ALL NAMES AND DETAILS WERE CHANGED.

They were marching at me rhythmically in neat double lines- an army very, very prepared for an all out war. The odds were against me, a defenseless woman alone. They were getting closer. My knees began to shake and I clutched my bag with all my might. The army of thirty continued their marching with smiles pasted on their faces as they took in the sight of me, their teacher.

Then, I woke up.

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Every year, late August, the nightmares began. My silent caterpillars would turn to full-fledged adult butterflies doing their acrobatics in my stomach. My throat would begin to constrict, as I lay in bed thinking- just thinking- about the new school year.

When I used to tell these stories in the teacher’s room, inevitably there’d be some chuckles but my favorite line was always from a first-year teacher, “You?! You still have nightmares? You’re here for ages- what are you still afraid of?”
Every year, I’d answer the same thing, a teacher who has no butterflies at all, no fears , no flurries of nervous excitement even for a moment, can and should quit teaching. If a teacher is not afraid or nervous about getting to know and dealing with a whole new crew of children, precious neshamos, then she’s lost the primary goal of teaching: to reach each child in the best way possible.

First year teachers CAN be successful. Perhaps, in later years, even MORE successful but the first year should be looked at as a positive opportunity not a failure doomed from the start.

First year teachers sometimes get very overwhelmed by the preparing, the meetings, the signs and the sheets sometimes missing out on a very important part of teaching: getting to know each child individually and the class as a whole.
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Getting to know each child

• Well, for starters, get to know their names. Knowing a student’s name within the first few days puts you at an advantage from a disciplinary point of view and lays the foundation for a kesher with your students. Repeating their name aloud after they give a good answer (e.g., Chanie correctly concluded that…) boosts a child, especially a troublemaker’s, self-image. I made it a point of having a seating chart with their names on my desk the first 2-3 days and I told the girls that I’ll look at it before calling on them because I’d like to get to know each of their names quickly. For the first week or so, I’d state the student’s name before calling on her. (e.g., Chanie, do you have the answer?)

Case in point: When I was in 7th grade, one of our teachers didn’t learn our names fast enough. On the fourth day of school, one girl threw a piece of paper across the room because ‘she didn’t want to disturb the class by getting up to go to the garbage.’ The problem was that the teacher reacted as the paper was being thrown by saying, “You- stop that!” When the principal later confronted the girl, she defended herself, teen style by saying “How was I supposed to know she meant to get MY attention? She didn’t say my name.” Not a good start for a teacher.

• Get to know as much as you can about each child’s background- not so you may judge but so you may understand. Children are products of their home environments. If a home is tense, a child may behave in disturbing ways in school to relieve that stress. When a teacher is aware of the possible dificultie in advance, she can be prepared. (See sidebar)

Case in point: When I received my class list one year, I was told that Boruch Hashem, there were no issues that needed to be pointed out. But during the first week of school one student was acting unusually jumpy. I checked the records and noted that no such behavior was recorded. So, I deduced, this was something new and probably reflected a new situation. Until I reached the parents, I made her my monitor to avoid any confrontation. When I finally did reach the parents, the mother preempted me by saying, “My daughter is usually very well behaved but her sister is getting married next week and with all the goings-on at home, she hasn’t been getting much sleep. Give her a couple of weeks and you’ll see what she’s really all about.” I made her my monitor for two weeks and turned a blind eye to her squirming and skirt-straightening that occurred about 20 times a day, and just as the mother predicted, a couple of weeks later she was a different child.

• Get to know the parents and let them give you input. Ok, I admit this is a bit much for some, but I always called every single parent within the first week of school. The conversation was friendly and positive. I usually started out by introducing myself and telling them something neutrally nice about their child (How much could I have noticed in two days?!) and then I’d ask if there was anything they felt I should know about the child. Many times I got the most crucial information such as, ‘my child has a bladder control problem and should be allowed to leave class whenever requested.” Or “She is supposed to get glasses but they aren’t ready yet, can she sit upfront for a few days?” Or “Last summer, her cousin passed away suddenly and she developed headaches. We are treating them but I just wanted you to know that she’s not making up stories if she complains every day about headaches.” Or “Her best friend was switched out of her class and she feels scared that she won’t have friends can you help her?”

In general, parents are thrilled to be given the opportunity to talk about their child to a receptive teacher. I scribbled all pertinent information onto a large index card that had the child’s name, phone number and position in the family on it. I looked at these index cards at least once a month and added any new information received from either the child, parents, school or something I’d noticed. By the time PTA rolled around, the parents couldn’t believe how much I remembered (e.g., How is your new baby doing- He must be about 3 months old by now right? Or “How’s your married daughter’s broken leg? You must’ve had your hands full with all those grandchildren.) All it had taken was a half-hour of reviewing those index cards the night before. I made simple comments but they showed that I took interest in their child.

A side benefit of these first week phone calls was that if I needed to call the parent to discuss a negative behavior even three days later, the conversation went so much smoother than it would’ve gone had the first call been one of complaint.

Getting to know the class as a whole

• Stay in the room where the children play during recess. Many schools have instituted this as a rule but even if yours hasn’t, it’s worth it! You learn all about class dynamics- who the leaders are, who the stragglers are andwhich students are good at sports. There’s an endless amount to be learned if you just open your eyes and look. In addition, many girls to hang around my desk during recess showing me pictures of their brother’s chasunah, sister’s new baby, pictures of themselves when they were in camp, stationary collections and whatnots. This was a time for the children to connect with me on a friendlier (I didn’t say PEER) level. I was able to compliment the child on her Purim costume even though I’d just sent her out of class before recess. I could tell the learning disabled girl that she should make a list of all the parts of a project that still had to be finished because I’d seen how coordinated she was during recess in organizing teams and games.

I hear you saying “But I need a break! This is so exhausting!” Firstly, teaching is an exhausting career. Secondly, take a break during quiet work, or for two minutes before the end of recess but for the most part, you’re being paid to be with your students.

• About two months into the year, I’d do a class project. Usually, by then I knew the children’s strengths and weaknesses and could divide them evenly. There was never competition in the projects each group had different themes or material they had to cover. I never assisted the children in any of the projects nor did I allow family help (I collected all supplies and un-finished materials at the end of the day.) I told the girls that I was happy to give them as much time as they needed provided that they were really working and that EACH girl in the group had a job. This forced leaders to delegate and stragglers to be included. Sometimes, I purposely would announce ‘Ok put the supplies away and we’re ready to move on.’ They’d beg for more time and I’d smile and say, “You know for a class that’s working in such a productive and b’achdus manner where I see every girl working, I feel it’s worth it to devote some more time to it.” They were happy that the class was working well. I purposely emphasized class vs. group to build class cohesiveness.

• Show the class that you care about them as a whole. Inquire about how they’re doing in a school-wide contest or tell them you’re rooting for their color war team. It’s the small things that count.

Every year my class took a State Exam in November. For some reason, the children found this test very stressful. They plotted to hand in blank papers which of course made me very stressed. On test day, I decided to bring each student a sandwich bag with 2 home-made cookies and a note that read: “Quitters never win and winners never quit.” Not one paper was handed in blank and I had a chance to reach each girl using the class as a medium.

Teaching yiddishe kinderlach is a holy and sacred task, even if you are an English teacher, as I was. Every year I told the parents, “I know _______ is your child for life but she’s mine, too, for the year. Let’s work together.”

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It is June and once again, I can’t sleep. Nightmares. My army is running away from me, moving on to another grade and I miss them already.

Teachers- A workforce that never sleeps.

SIDEBAR:

Ideally, a principal should inform a teacher about any home or personal issues a student may be dealing with. With that information, so much unnecessary pain can be averted.
However, by calling parents a teacher may pick up more information, too.

Sadly, many teachers are informed but not equipped. They are armed with important information but don’t know where to take it from there. Every situation is unique and guidance from either the principal or professionals in the field may be necessary. However, below are some general pointers that have worked for me.

• The reason many parents are reluctant to share important family information (e.g., a sibling’s divorce, a special needs child, an illness, an emotional problem or unnoticeable physical disability) with school personnel is due to two main fears: 1) the fear that the information may be spread to the community at large. Or 2) the child will be judged based on this factor alone.

Teachers all across the world: I beg you please dispel these myths by keeping all information shared with you, confidential. And please judge the child based on her own qualities while baring in mind and accommodating the child’s individual needs.

• Don’t excuse inexcusable behavior just because a child is having difficulty at home. Stability and consistency in school is so vital for these children. On the other hand, you don’t have to see and hear every little thing.

Case scenario: A student’s parents were in the midst of a difficult child custody battle and my student had to show up in court one time too many. This of course made for a real behavior challenge. So when one day she decided to show up to class without her uniform, I wasn’t surprised or angry but I knew she was trying to make a statement to her peers, “I’m in a difficult situation and nobody will start up with me. I can get away with anything.” A statement I couldn’t tolerate for the sake of both the class and the child. She needed to know that there were still adults in her life who were consistent and that rules needed to be followed. I asked her to wait for me outside. The situation was too delicate to be dealt with in public. Then, I gave the class some quiet work and went to talk to the child. She seemed ready to strike, so I decided to surprise and distract her because I was taking her situation into account.I asked her how her part in the Yiddish skit had gone the day before. She looked surprised- she expected a confrontation, a rebuke- and instead she was being plied with questions and compliments about her many hobbies and talents. Then, when she was relaxed enough, I asked her, (not accused her) why she wasn’t wearing her uniform. Her answer: ”Because I felt like it.” I was quiet. I let her words hang in the air and then I asked warmly but firmly “And you think you can do whatever you feel like?” She nodded but looked away. I put my hand on her shoulder and said in a somewhat light but firm tone, “Look, you may not like this but I’m here to inform you that your idea is just not true. You can’t do things because you feel like it. Life has rules. I have to follow school rules and you have to follow my rules and school rules. What would happen if I’d decide that I didn’t feel like having my students eat lunch, could I just keep them in the classroom? No. Why? Because in order for a world to run, everyone has to follow rules. Drivers, pedestrians, farmers, doctors- everyone and everyone includes you because you’re part of this very special world.”

I saw my words had made their impact. Now I posed my next question, “Do you have your uniform with you?”

Almost inaudibly, she whispered, “No”

I went to the secretary and got the key to the uniform closet and picked out a somehow-will-have-to-fit size skirt and top for her to wear. Only then did I allow her into class.

I had to deal with the child as I would with any other (I.e., making her wear the school uniform) but I also had to take her situation into account and go a bit softer on her.

• Get help before things bubble over. This rule is true in all aspects of life but in teaching children in sensitive situations, get as much help as you can be it from your principal, school guidance counselor or resource room teacher. Whoever knows the child or situation best has the ability to help you most.

I was just an ordinary teacher. I am no major mechaneches. I also had my ups and downs, easier days and harder days. But I always tried to see the goal in chinuch: to impact each child positively forever.