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amother






Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 12:04 am
Is there a special prayer or something that I can do to keep bad influences away from DD? I pray for spiritual healing every day and I also insert tefilla to keep bad influences away. I say tehillim too.

DD has many friends but has attached herself to the one person in the world that I don't want her with. Defiance-of course.

Her friend comes from a dysfunctional broken home. The mother allows anyone and everyone to come there and party. She has even bought them alcohol. The latest one is that the mother set tents outside the house so that the kids can stay there.

Social services has tried to take her kid away but hasn't been able to.

So what else can I do?

Don't tell me to lock her up. That won't work.

Am I the only person who cares? It seems like the rest of the kids who go there have parents who don't care. When I spoke to the mother, she said if I had a problem with it, then I should tell my child not to go there. She wasn't willing to help.
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mimivan




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 12:53 am
A woman who was at risk once gave all the credit for her going back on the derech to her mother's saying tehillim as often as possible.

(I also think there must be something of a practical nature to do about the situation itself, which sounds horrible, but I don't really know)
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Marion




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 9:06 am
From a totally different perspective...

1. Try to be thankful that the mother is providing places for the kids to stay (the tents). It's more responsible than letting them get behind the wheel of a car if they've been drinking.

2. Remember that a "dysfunctional broken home" doesn't mean a good kid. Maybe your DD is trying to be a GOOD influence and can see something you can't.

3. If Social Services hasn't managed to take the kids away, there's a reason. If you can find out what it is, it may put your mind more at ease.

4. TALK to your daughter about how you feel. Find out what she thinks is happening...she might have a totally different feeling about the matter. She might know something you don't.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 9:53 am
How old is your daughter?

It's very important that your kids see you working on yourself, btw.
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amother






Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 9:58 am
chocolate moose wrote:
It's very important that your kids see you working on yourself, btw.
What are some examples?
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greenfire




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 10:11 am
hey OP ... I hear what you are saying ... I too had a similar situation ... seemed like the only parent in the group who cared ... there was even a "bubby" who let the girls (& boys) hang out at her house ... the kids drank, smoked pot ... and god knows what else ... the troubles I went through ... none of this stopped till some kids ransacked "bubbies" house when she was out-of-town ... and another kid shot himself in the head ...

keep trying ... keep talking ... keep being there unconditionally through thick and thin come hell and high water ... teens will be defiant and maybe it is the more we care - how far will you go for your kid ... how much will you care ... p.s. not only can your kid get in trouble - so can you as her parent ...
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amother






Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 10:15 am
OP, does your dd have an uncle or a family friend or a Rabbi who she trusts and looks up to?
Obviously, there's a power struggle between the two of you, so she'll do the opposite of what you say, but maybe she would listen to someone else.
I would also talk to her school.
My children are younger, so I can't really understand what you are going through, but please accept my ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))).
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 11:24 am
amother wrote:
chocolate moose wrote:
It's very important that your kids see you working on yourself, btw.
What are some examples?


That you “live” religious and not just preach at them what to do. That you do things that are hard for you b’simcha. They should see you saying Tehillim, for example, not just reading Cosmo. You should be busy with chessed and shiurim. Not just telling them that they don’t rate.

For you AND your husband.
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amother






Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 1:01 pm
[quote="Marion"]

Quote:
1. Try to be thankful that the mother is providing places for the kids to stay (the tents). It's more responsible than letting them get behind the wheel of a car if they've been drinking.


No this mother is immature and is harboring kids there because she has not reached the maturity to realize that drugs and alcohol are not cool.

Quote:
2. Remember that a "dysfunctional broken home" doesn't mean a good kid. Maybe your DD is trying to be a GOOD influence and can see something you can't.


The mother was thrilled when my DD started befriended her kid. Then when they got arrested together (which was more than once) she would throw it in my face. She told me that even though my child wasn't involved, she was there and therefore equally guilty.

Quote:
3. If Social Services hasn't managed to take the kids away, there's a reason. If you can find out what it is, it may put your mind more at ease.


yeah the reason is because the mother knew social services was coming so she cleaned her house and put on a good show.


Quote:
4. TALK to your daughter about how you feel. Find out what she thinks is happening...she might have a totally different feeling about the matter. She might know something you don't.


Yes she knows all about the physical abuse with the mother's boyfriend and she just thinks nothing is wrong. She likes the house because there is basically no parental supervision since the mother is an unfit mom.
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amother






Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 1:04 pm
OP again

There is a rabbi involved. She goes to Israel for school to a special pgm but when she's not there, she reverts to old patterns.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Aug 16 2007, 3:59 pm
Have a conversation with dd, tell her WHY it is for HER that you don't want it, for HER that it is not good! always worked with me.
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