confused about jobs, finances, college. LIFE!

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 6:00 am

Quote:

Why should the onus of parnassa fall upon the wife/mother? Especially if she doesn't want that burden.....

Because maybe she agreed to it before the marriage. Maybe she was taught to romanticize the Kollel life, where the wife sacrifices for the privelige of her husband being able to learn. Maybe she was taught in Baid Yaakov (as I was), that even when there is no money to pay the bills, she should not even mention her concerns to her husband, as it may distract him from his learning.
Now that things prove to be so hard, as most of us could have predicted, she wants to change course. Why is it so obvious that the husband should give in? It's not what he signed up for.
This rant is not directed at you, OP, but at the system that sets us up for failure.
Please, OP, don't let go of the financial responsibilities just to teach your dh a lesson. You already have an uphill battle, you don't want to risk being evicted from your residence, and messing up your credit score.

zeldy

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 8:04 am

If she has a child, she cannot just rely on the husband and relinquish all responsibility. Perhaps he doesn't care if the electricity is turned off and there is no food in the fridge. But she has a child and is responsible for somebody else's life. Totally different picture.

Motek

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 5:46 pm

amother wrote:

Because maybe she agreed to it before the marriage

That's not what she said. The poster wrote:

"If I ever dont want to work full time, I should tell him so, and he will start looking for a job the very next day. etc."

Quote:

Please, OP, don't let go of the financial responsibilities just to teach your dh a lesson.

A lesson?

Why would she do that and who suggested that?

Quote:

Perhaps he doesn't care if the electricity is turned off and there is no food in the fridge.

Why would you assume a poster's husband is a total jerk? What

zeldy

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 6:11 pm

Quote:

Why would you assume a poster's husband is a total jerk?

I never assumed that at all. Different people have different needs. There were great tzaddikim who lived in poverty and were very happy. There are plenty of people who are satisfied with very little for themselves. This does not always reflect on his character. It may be that he has a lot of bitachon, too little ambition or self esteem or needs a reality check or any combination of all of those things.

I once went overseas to do a camp for a shliach. The shliach who was arranging this was in America at the time. After we landed at the airport, in this foreign country, we discovered that we had no place to stay that night. The shliach had not arranged anything and when we called him, he suggested that we go out and do mitvtzoyim and something will come up. Needless to say, we had to think of something else. He was not a jerk. His reality was just very different from ours.

Motek

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 6:42 pm

Sounds like a jerk to me. Very nice of you to dan him l'chaf zechus but he was completely irresponsible and downright disgusting, in my opinion.

And what DID you do?

Crayon210

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 7:27 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with Motek. I was at 2 weddings this week, and listened carefully as the ketubot were read. I only heard that the HUSBAND is responsible for all his wife's needs, and not vice versa.

Your Aramaic is that good?

Salut

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 7:28 pm

There are so many jobs out there that don't require a college degree. The people I know that make it in life are not the doctors, they are regular business people who just took the step. Your husband can go into real estate, start out managing for someone else and then hopefully he will eventually own his own properties, become a mortgage broker, real estate broker, all these make a lot of money w/o a degree.

Ruchel

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 7:44 pm

amother wrote:

In my experience, all these people went to university or specialized school. If you don't have a degree to show you learned, no one will trust you. My dad's friend learned by himself and started, but found almost no one interested and failed. Sad