How can I make my life easier?

RedVines

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 12:22 am

I had a complete meltdown over avocadoes erev shabbos. Yep, it was 2 hours to go, house was a wreck and even though DH already went to the store I still didnt feel like I had enough etc. B"H a friend was at the store and called to see if I needed anything. problem solved?

It is so frustrating that I was still so behind ion my prep, I was yelling it was terrible....so I am asking to hear how you ladies with little ones and with experience do it all. I am teaching. I am expecting my 4th ka"H and I am worried when shabbos comes in super early how it will work. I almost swore off guests forever, the stress is just not worth it.

So, how do you do it? When do you do your shopping? when do you do your cleaning, specific days? I would love to hear your ideas, sceduale etc.

Pickle Lady

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 12:34 am

I totally agree with simplifying. I also used to freak out more erev shabbos until I lowered my standards.

I make more of one dish instead of making different dishes.

Like for friday night. challah is bought. I bake a gefilte fish. make a green salad on shabbos plus one other salad like coleslaw or potato salad. meat course is just chicken/meat (simple dish) with one side. bake a cake for desert. no one leaving the meal hungry and I have much less stress. for shabbos day I make cholent and sometimes I buy some deli meat.

Also I try to do as little as possible when I am home alone with the kids if they are not sleeping. Its fruitless to try and cook while looking after my kids at the same time, because I go nuts. My kids are about the same age as yours OP and the oldest areb boys. Another thing I try to do is that if I forgot somethingfor shabbos , then forget, we will live.

mimivan

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 12:44 am

I was feeling really guilty all summer about not making Challah, because it brings berachos, (I used to make challah every Shabbat, but now I have to work on Friday morning)...I was forcing myself to do too much and was yelling at my kids. I now say, better store-bought challahs than homemade tears. (including mine!)

hila

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 1:02 am

I work ful ltime and always ahve done, even when the kids were small. But I work sunday thru thursday.

I shop on tuesday or wednesday and then "top up " on friday morning.

I cook thursday night, and prepare stuff to throw in the oven on friday.

I foiund that hiring a babysitter on fridays for a couple of hours helped. Now of course my daughter goes out babysitting all friday morning .

I still cannot rely on my tenagers to help. My soldier son arrives home on friday with a kitbag full of laundry that HAS to be done by sunday am. and he sleeps as soon as he gets home. One daughter does help clean (for pay) but that is IT, she has studying to do for college, one works fridays and the youngest is either in school or disappears.
My dh helps with errands (actually we call it our "date" morning, as we run from place to place together (store, dry cleaner, offices, etc)

And simplify is right. make sure there is plenty of healthy stuff. Make salads on shabbat from fresh veg. Look for one pot meals . Take short cuts. And we often just have fruit for dessert.

And I do try and make challot. But I do it on a tuesday or wednesday and only every 2-3 weeks.
I freeze them . I always make 2kg flour so I can take challa with a bracha. And if one of the kids is home - they like to make the challot from the dough. (Now if they would just clean up afterwards..). I prefer bought cake and home made challa. To me it is more important. So many kids grow up with no idea of how to take challa.

And it does get easier ion most ways as they get older. THey eat more but are less needy.

Enjoy each stage.
Shavua tov

mumoo

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 2:25 am

don't try to impress your friends, neighbors, guests with your magazine home and elegant meals.

try to impress Hashem with your patience and tolerance toward your children and husband.

follow the advice that said 'lower your standards' (of cleaning and cooking) but think of it as raising your standards of mothering

look for recipes that are always looked forward to, but simple, healthy and inexpensive

if you make the same things each week, you become more efficient. these dishes become the favorites for Shabbos, if you don't make them during the rest of the week

btMOMtoFFBs

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 6:57 am

Seriously, pretend Shabbos starts on Thursday - have it all ready on Thursday. Do all your cooking and baking by Thurs (even on Weds!) Bathe kids Thurs nite - set table and turn on urn Thurs nite - then do a few last min jobs on Fri morn - put up cholent and make a salad.

Definitely buy Challahs from now on and even cookies or cakes for dessert. Cutting back on guests may decrease tension - maybe just once a month...

Any schar you get for Shabbos prep and taking challahs can be nullified by all that screaming and tension you create in the house. So if you focus on shalom bayis on erev shabbos instead of cooking - you'll really be getting tons of schar.

This is a stage of life with little children in the house - Gam Zeh Yaavor -- one day you can do fancy shabbos meals again without little children under foot. Right now enjoy having little ones and adjust your household routines accordingly.

Here's a link you might like: www.jewishlifeorganized.com

chanab

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 10:35 am

Quote:

. I almost swore off guests forever, the stress is just not worth it.

You´re right, the stress is not worth it. There is no problem in consciously deciding not to have guests for a few weeks/months/while there is a newborn/5 kids under 5 ETC. Its better to be a calm mommy and not have guests for a while then have guests on the cheshbon of your kids, shalom bayis and sanity IMHO

RedVines

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 10:48 am

thank you all for your practical advice and kind words. I absolutly will simplify, but how? what does that type of menu consist of? I nightmare about running out of food.
Now I make challah (will start at the begining of the week) avocado dip, corn salad, green salad, mushroom salad, zucchini salad, soup , noodles, chicken, 2 veges and kugal, 2 kinds of dessert.

Now how about the cleaning, I am looking for more of a sceduale; mon,tues,wed,=laundry, bathrooms=sun etc. what works for your family?

SO APPRECIATIVE!! I honestly feel like when the stress inevitably builds up again I will refer back to this page! Very Happy

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 10:58 am

Firstly, you do not need so many salads! (I know, I shouldn't be talking but based on what I eat at other ppl, more than a fresh salad, dips and possibly a pasta/starchy salad, unnecessary)

I would make...
Fish
Fresh Salad
Dips
Pasta Salad

Soup
Kneidlach (only if guests, otherwise I would serve croutons)

Chicken
Kugel/pot
vegie

ONE dessert (and something easy!)

For Shabbos day: cholent and deli roll

I always buy challah!

RedVines

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 1:45 pm

how about other practical advice at simplifying your life...such as, my 17 month old would drive me NUTS climbing on the chairs in the kitchen, pushing them to the counters or worse the stove!! so I simply removed the chairs when no one is sitting...sam with the dining room pushed the chairs away from the table.

Any tips like that?

LisaS

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 2:57 pm

Mommyofthree your dilemna definitely rings a bell!

But your menu sounds like quite a lot to me. Is that with guests or without?

Usually we have for Fri: fish + one fresh vege, chicken+rice+cooked vege, bought dessert. I make quantity wise a lot so noone is hungry and there are leftovers. more fresh fruits and veges are easy and healthy and yummy. also to add more to the meal sometimes I will open a can of chikpeas, canned pickles, olives, etc.

I am interested to hear what cleaning tips people have.

But what I really want to know is how does everyone find time for Imamother? I guess you just make time...

greenfire

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 4:28 pm

I've simplified life ... way long ago and much easier ...

my goal friday night is to light shabbos candles with a meal on the table ... consists of a main dish like chicken or meat and a side like potatoes or rice or kugel ...

shabbos morning we have cheese cake with fruit and coffee ... our special treat

shabbos day we have fish and salads ...

because baking is a cinch for me ... I tend to bake dessert (although over the summer we are more into fruit) and when time avails I make challah ...

and I never make anything a big ordeal to make ... I just do it quick ... very quick ...

anything else that gets done I consider a bonus ... that is my style till life allows for change ...

Raisin

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 7:41 pm

I find salads take the most time. I have lots of guests every week and this is what I make:

challa (homemade, but either make this early in the week or get a bread machine, it is really easy and really yummy then)
gefilta fish (bake with tomato sauce on)
fresh salad
Bought dips eg chummous, matboucha etc
chatzilim either bought or made (only because dh loves this)

soup (you can leave this out and it will be fine)
noodles, croutons

chicken
stir fry green beans
roast baby potatoes with garlic and rosemary (v. easy)
and/or rice (baked in oven with soy sace, soup mix and oil)

dessert I do make on thursday night. If you have a choice I would make challa and buy dessert. (I don't have any nice kosher bakeries around, so I make dessert)

I make very easy things like chocolate cake, brownies, apple crumble.

For shabbos day I make a cholent and we also have fish and salad.

I do spend the whole friday cooking but I do have a lot of guests, a lot of last minute ones as well.

shoy18

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 7:46 pm

you know what I found, anything that doesn't require cooking on the stove is so much easier, bake chicken, bake potatos, bake rice, anything and everything that could be baked makes your life easier and much less mess. Even fancy things as long as they are baked its easy!

I make challah every week I make the dough Thursday night and then bake it fresh erev shabbos.

If you want soup every week go out and buy a 20+ quart pot and just make enough for the month.

BrachaC

Thu, Aug 30 2007, 4:15 pm

Two part response:

When my mother was going crazy with her small children she once sat down with R' Moshe Aaron Stern and asked what she should do? He told her to move her schedule back one day. So, if you normally shop on Wednesday then shop on Tuesday...She still goes back to this when things are especially hectic.

I find that if the menu, cleaning schedule, shopping lists are all well organized then the actual cooking and cleaning time can be minimal. I also have a fear of running out of food, and we tend to have last minute company... I do make challah and dessert- challah with a bread maker, and I started doing it earlier in the week and freezing. I like to do laundry on Motzaei Shabbos and Sunday. That way I know the Shabbos clothes are done and can get ironed mid-week instead of waiting for Friday. Also take note of what menu items seem to work together. After a particularly easy prep week take note of what specific items you served and that they make good combinatios. I also loke to start cooking by figuring out just how many onions I am going to need and doing them all...How many pots of water..so that I can know how many times I am going to refill that pot and boil something in it...

The play room gets cleaned up once between Thursday and Friday and then is vacuumed. If there are toys on the floor when Shabbos comes in-- well at least the kids aren't crying and actually played with something while I worked.

Good luck