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Zochreinu lechaim- did I really want chaim? ??
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amother




Brunette


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:56 am
Umein, azure.
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amother




Jade


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 2:24 am
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I dont think anyone can help anonymous people. but we can definitely help our own families, friends, communities. Look around in your own circles and go from there. There is no reason anyone should have to feel they are suffering alone.


OP here
Sometimes pple suffer alone because they feel they cannot share with anyone what goes on in their life for various reasons.
Like I couldn't, I protected my xdh's name/dignity and therefore suffered in silence for many years.
I think of my 'sisters' who feel the same, its so hard. When I was in shul I keep wondering who else feels like I once did? It breaks my heArt. Hashem obviously wanted me to have this pain......
I feel for you my sisters in pain!
I hope and wish for you from the bottom of my heart that you will be able to say 'zochreinu lechaim....' and mean it, feeling that you want chaim again soon.
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 3:43 am
Oy, It's terrible to feel that Life seems so dark and hopeless! 😒

#1: It's a new yearβš–, let's hope for a brighter future.🌞

#2: please take some meds or stress relief vitamins to help you cope will your incredible hardships. (Nothing wrong with taking meds).πŸ’ŠπŸ§΄

#3: πŸ“žCall Transformation Hotline- Free.
Recording: 712 770 4865 pin: 549732#
Live Thursday 10:00am: 712 770 4856 549732#
This line is my lifesaver. πŸ‹οΈβ€β™€οΈ

#4: Reach out to someone you admire- make her your mentor (an older wise woman/someone who went through alot in life)- talk it out! Daaga Blev Ish Yisuchena.πŸ‘­

I will Daven on your behalf. πŸ”—
I know the feeling of Despair. BTDT. (Still fighting the battle to keep going moment by moment)😞
Maiayin Yuvo Ezri🀲
It's a horrible place to be in. 😰
The pain is so raw and feels unbearable. πŸŠβ€β™€οΈ

Hold on tight, just a little bit longer. πŸ§—β€β™€οΈ
Hopefully the Yeshuah is on the way.🌀 I'm crying along with you!πŸ’”
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amother




Bronze


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 7:51 am
I prayed not for Life but for Quality of Life. May all our requests be granted and may we see revealed good. Hugs to all who are suffering. Hope the New Year will bring salvation to us all.
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amother




Lime


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:21 am
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I dont think anyone can help anonymous people. but we can definitely help our own families, friends, communities. Look around in your own circles and go from there. There is no reason anyone should have to feel they are suffering alone.

This is great advice.
Everyone is dealing with something at some point in their lives.
Be kind, gentle, and sensitive.
Smile at your neighbors and acquaintances.
Be careful about what comes out of your mouth, even when writing anonymously behind a computer.
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amother




Taupe


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:11 am
It is the day after RH and my husband who is a big inspirational Rav, who gave inspiring speeches on RH, who is beloved and venerated a rebbe in a Yeshiva is screaming at me because I bought the wrong orange juice and bagels to break our fast on. I really don't want to live anymore. But then I think, why do I have to die? I didn't do anything. But I don't see any other way.
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:12 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
This is great advice.
Everyone is dealing with something at some point in their lives.
Be kind, gentle, and sensitive.
Smile at your neighbors and acquaintances.
Be careful about what comes out of your mouth, even when writing anonymously behind a computer.

I love this pieces!
Everyone carries a huge bag, full of hardship. Some are see-through, some are black. Some show it openly while others hide it better.
Everyone is in pain. Let's be Loving, caring and kind with everyone. πŸ’”
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:38 am
Every time I said it I thought about the fact that I don't really want to be alive anymore, so why am I saying this.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:42 am
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I dont think anyone can help anonymous people. but we can definitely help our own families, friends, communities. Look around in your own circles and go from there. There is no reason anyone should have to feel they are suffering alone.

The thing is no one really cares about anyone else. Any help offered is either to check a box or to make the person offering feel good. And the offer is only good as long as the person offering feels like it, and is only good for specific things which the offeree doesn't necessarily or really need....no one is offering to babysit, for example, or to clean my house, for example, or to pay for therapy, for example. (Someone actually did offer to pay for therapy about a year ago but we were doing fine then so I turned her down. Now we are struggling and of course I'm not going to ask if I can take her up on it now...)
But bottom line is people only care about their own, and only as long as it suits them and is comfortable for them. If you're not "their own" or your situation isn't comfortable for them, then they will reject you. (FTR, I don't see this as a frum problem. I see it as a global problem.)
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miami85




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:45 am
I think part of that kavana we have when we are davening for when it comes to "zochreinu l'chaim" is a "life we want to live" not just breathing.

Coming from someone who has had various challenges, I can understand your frustration
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life is fun




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:22 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
Every time I said it I thought about the fact that I don't really want to be alive anymore, so why am I saying this.


I am so sorry for your pain.
I wish you better times to come !!!
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amother




Jade


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:26 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
The thing is no one really cares about anyone else. Any help offered is either to check a box or to make the person offering feel good. And the offer is only good as long as the person offering feels like it, and is only good for specific things which the offeree doesn't necessarily or really need....no one is offering to babysit, for example, or to clean my house, for example, or to pay for therapy, for example. (Someone actually did offer to pay for therapy about a year ago but we were doing fine then so I turned her down. Now we are struggling and of course I'm not going to ask if I can take her up on it now...)
But bottom line is people only care about their own, and only as long as it suits them and is comfortable for them. If you're not "their own" or your situation isn't comfortable for them, then they will reject you. (FTR, I don't see this as a frum problem. I see it as a global problem.)


Yes and no.

There are people around who will help anyone even if its out of their comfort zone. Lots of people can't identify with other peoples challenges and/or are limited in ways of helping.
Im sure that most people who are seeing someone struggling will reach out to help if they are able to.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:38 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
Yes and no.

There are people around who will help anyone even if its out of their comfort zone. Lots of people can't identify with other peoples challenges and/or are limited in ways of helping.
Im sure that most people who are seeing someone struggling will reach out to help if they are able to.

The people who will reach out to help are few and it always comes with resentment or a price tag.
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honeymoon




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:42 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
The people who will reach out to help are few and it always comes with resentment or a price tag.


You seem to have had bad experiences with people who reached out to help. Not everyone is like this. Some people reach out to help because they care. They really, truly care. And it hurts to be thought of as selfish when all they want to do is help a fellow Jew in need.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:52 pm
honeymoon wrote:
You seem to have had bad experiences with people who reached out to help. Not everyone is like this. Some people reach out to help because they care. They really, truly care. And it hurts to be thought of as selfish when all they want to do is help a fellow Jew in need.

Would love to meet more of those.
In the meantime I don't usually bother asking for help, because 90% my request will be rejected and most times I will also be chastised for asking when I don't deserve help.
In the 10% when someone agrees, 9.9% of the time there is a price tag or guilt or something else and I regret asking and even more than that regret accepting help.
I'm over 30, and pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of individuals who have truly helped out of a desire to help a fellow Jew.
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seeker




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 2:14 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
The thing is no one really cares about anyone else. Any help offered is either to check a box or to make the person offering feel good. And the offer is only good as long as the person offering feels like it, and is only good for specific things which the offeree doesn't necessarily or really need....no one is offering to babysit, for example, or to clean my house, for example, or to pay for therapy, for example. (Someone actually did offer to pay for therapy about a year ago but we were doing fine then so I turned her down. Now we are struggling and of course I'm not going to ask if I can take her up on it now...)
But bottom line is people only care about their own, and only as long as it suits them and is comfortable for them. If you're not "their own" or your situation isn't comfortable for them, then they will reject you. (FTR, I don't see this as a frum problem. I see it as a global problem.)

I disagree. I think there are people who truly care. It's sad for you if what they're offering isn't the same as what you need, but that is based on their capability and perspective, not because they don't really care about you. Also, how frank have you been with others about your needs? Because many people care about things they're aware of, but are not tuned in enough to pick up on issues that are not explicit to them.
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life is fun




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 2:17 pm
honeymoon wrote:
You seem to have had bad experiences with people who reached out to help. Not everyone is like this. Some people reach out to help because they care. They really, truly care. And it hurts to be thought of as selfish when all they want to do is help a fellow Jew in need.


I agree with you.

And I agree with 'Babyblue' to that there may not be so many around who will help out for the sake of helping. Or naybe they are just hard to find. Generally I think thst people who have been challenged and had to accept help themselves at some point are often the ones who reach out to help others.

Tbh I gladly help out others where I can.
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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 3:02 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
It is the day after RH and my husband who is a big inspirational Rav, who gave inspiring speeches on RH, who is beloved and venerated a rebbe in a Yeshiva is screaming at me because I bought the wrong orange juice and bagels to break our fast on. I really don't want to live anymore. But then I think, why do I have to die? I didn't do anything. But I don't see any other way.


omg. how can we help
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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 3:07 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
The thing is no one really cares about anyone else. Any help offered is either to check a box or to make the person offering feel good. And the offer is only good as long as the person offering feels like it, and is only good for specific things which the offeree doesn't necessarily or really need....no one is offering to babysit, for example, or to clean my house, for example, or to pay for therapy, for example. (Someone actually did offer to pay for therapy about a year ago but we were doing fine then so I turned her down. Now we are struggling and of course I'm not going to ask if I can take her up on it now...)
But bottom line is people only care about their own, and only as long as it suits them and is comfortable for them. If you're not "their own" or your situation isn't comfortable for them, then they will reject you. (FTR, I don't see this as a frum problem. I see it as a global problem.)


I find this to be true sometimes also. The thing is lets try to change that. Lets be the people we wish would be there for us- for someone else.
I wish someone would have thought to invite me for Yom tov. It really hurt that a certain family member didnt invite me and she knew I was alone for Yom Tov. IH when I am in a position to invite- I hope to invite other people who may need it.
The other choice is to learn to be completely self reliant. and never need anyone else.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Oct 02 2019, 3:56 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I find this to be true sometimes also. The thing is lets try to change that. Lets be the people we wish would be there for us- for someone else.

Yeah I can't do that right now, I'm already drowning. Every time I offer and then don't follow up to check again if it's needed I feel bad. I can't imagine what it would be like if people actually took me up on my offers of help so gradually I've stopped making them.
Quote:
The other choice is to learn to be completely self reliant. and never need anyone else.

This is what we do, but it is hard and I'm at a breaking point and have been for about a year.
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