New Job and DH doesn't understand why...

momofqts

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 3:13 pm

just something to look foward to (hopefully) - whenever I started a job (even coming back after the summer) I was always exhausted the first week or so. you are used to being home and now you changed your schedule, give your body time to get used to it. but after a bit of time you really do start to feel better (if not, it may be a good idea to see why not)

I fully understand that it's also a vacation to stay home and get things done, just some ideas that worked for me:
1) maybe your husband needs to get out more every day. I think women can handle being sah better than men. maybe encourage him to get out for a shiur, with some friends, a sport game etc.. whatever works for him.

2) explain your feelings to him (when you are not stressed out and tired)
he just may understand a lot more than you imagine

3) compromise - go away sometimes, explain to dh calmly why you do not want to go. when you are married, you have to sometimes do things that are not the most comfortable for you.

4) try to really really understand dh and maybe you can get to the point (when you are not so exhausted) that you can be moiser nefesh and go but actually feel good about it.

amother

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 8:12 pm

OP here: to the poster who says that I should now know it can be different.

Well, it can't for my family. It wasn't lechatchila our plan. I wanted to be at home, or just work part time. He wanted to have a professional career. I won't go into all the issues, but after 3 years of him trying different things...and both b'hashgachah pratis and bc he didn't do the necessary things to make it work, how do we pay bills? we've gone into more debt with credit cards every year for the past few years.

I'm not trying to star ta debate about men in kollel, etc. I'm not a woman tryign to have it all, unless "it all" means a roof over our heads, clothes on our bodies, and food ont he table....oh, how dare I want that! How could I be so selfish?!

REally, all those comments do is foster machlokes between husband and wife. Yes, those who aren't married yet, male and female, should really be taught to think about parnossah,and how they will deal with that when they get married, but for us already married, and wishing we didn't have to work for parnossah so hard and leave our babies, etc., it doesn't help our shalom bayis one bit to be told what dh should be doing...my dh has tried, and fora variety of reasons it doesn't work. what should I, or mothers in my position do at this point? Should we ask for handouts if we can get our parnossah ourselves? I read today about the BEis Rivka teachers who don't get paid, the students who can't afford tuition. These are people who are stuck in a situation and need tzedakah...why should someone like me opt for how things "can" be and have the chutzpah to ask for tzedakah too?