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Please help me help my husband lose weight
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:36 am
My husband needs to lose at least 50lbs. He has finally agreed to do something about it. There are 2 problems though.
1. I have no clue how to help him, what kind of diet, etc. BH all kids and myself have a fast metabolism and we are all underweight. So I never really had to diet, I really don't know how to help him lose weight in the best way. He refuses to go to a Dr or dietician.
2. Years ago, the Dr told him he needed to lose weight. The Dr recommended a medeterainian diet, he didn't really lose any weight. He then tried Atkins/south beach, but he was soon hungry and anxious, and irritable after a few weeks that the little weight he lost he said wasn't worth it.

He is a big nosher, but won't go out and buy stuff so he is eating the nosh I make or that I buy for kids. So I will make sure to hide stuff for the kids and make healthier treats for him.

So my question is what are the diets that are more like lifestyle changes, to help him lose the weight and keep it off. Again it's got to be something where he is going to feel filled. He said th is time he will ride it out longer if he knows that the weight will stay off and he will feel better in the long run.

He has spoken to friends and they are all on diets with no carbs, I can't cut out carbs completely for him cuz I know that he won't be able to stay that long on it.

Sorry for the long post. Anxiously waiting for any advise.
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yOungM0mmy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:42 am
Look into slimming world. Obviously you'd need to look at the plan properly, but basically you can eat as much real food, including carbs, as you need, provided it is cooked without added sugar, fat or sauces, and you have a third of the portion being made up of non-starchy vegetables. You get one fibre portion - eg whole wheat bread per day, and one calcium portion - milk or cheese, not both, per day, and 15 points for extra treats, mayo, sauces, fats, seeds, etc.... so no need to ever be hungry, plenty of variety, and teaches you better eating habits
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:45 am
One thing I have to say about your current plan --Don't hide the nosh anywhere in the house. He will find it. Better to cut it down to rarely for all of you. Nobody will die from having less nosh for a while.

You and he might want to read up on intuitive eating, as an alternative strategy.

Hypnosis is said to sometimes be helpful.

Exercising together is for sure helpful. A lot of people really love the FitBit.

Finding success stories to encourage him could be helpful, or could backfire, tread carefully.

Good luck to both of you!
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:51 am
Since both of you are clueless, you need to get some outside help for your husband to help him with food choices as well as behavioral changes that he needs to make to be successful.

I recommend Weight Watchers as the diet plan is very healthy and really enables the whole family to eat the same food.

There is an online program you can join and opt for a personal coach. This is a huge bargain as you can make appointments to talk to this person as often as he needs. He can choose a coach that he feels suitable as he can find a man who also lost a lot of weight and is successfully keeping it off. There is really nothing as helpful as having one in one help when dieting to provide instruction, support and accountability. It is better that he be accountable to the coach than his spouse.

Also you would be able to use his account to get hints on recipes as there are so many recipes to help make it less of a hardship including slimming tr attention if favorite foods.
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btdivorcedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:52 am
Read the book "Life transforming diet" by David Zulberg. It's based on Rambam principles, very easy to follow, does not fully exclude any food groups, and is very easy to keep up over a long period of time.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:59 am
yOungM0mmy wrote:
Look into slimming world. Obviously you'd need to look at the plan properly, but basically you can eat as much real food, including carbs, as you need, provided it is cooked without added sugar, fat or sauces, and you have a third of the portion being made up of non-starchy vegetables. You get one fibre portion - eg whole wheat bread per day, and one calcium portion - milk or cheese, not both, per day, and 15 points for extra treats, mayo, sauces, fats, seeds, etc.... so no need to ever be hungry, plenty of variety, and teaches you better eating habits


Thanks will check out more online.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:59 am
mommy24 wrote:
My husband needs to lose at least 50lbs. He has finally agreed to do something about it. There are 2 problems though.
1. I have no clue how to help him, what kind of diet, etc. BH all kids and myself have a fast metabolism and we are all underweight. So I never really had to diet, I really don't know how to help him lose weight in the best way. He refuses to go to a Dr or dietician.
2. Years ago, the Dr told him he needed to lose weight. The Dr recommended a medeterainian diet, he didn't really lose any weight. He then tried Atkins/south beach, but he was soon hungry and anxious, and irritable after a few weeks that the little weight he lost he said wasn't worth it.

He is a big nosher, but won't go out and buy stuff so he is eating the nosh I make or that I buy for kids. So I will make sure to hide stuff for the kids and make healthier treats for him.

So my question is what are the diets that are more like lifestyle changes, to help him lose the weight and keep it off. Again it's got to be something where he is going to feel filled. He said th is time he will ride it out longer if he knows that the weight will stay off and he will feel better in the long run.

He has spoken to friends and they are all on diets with no carbs, I can't cut out carbs completely for him cuz I know that he won't be able to stay that long on it.

Sorry for the long post. Anxiously waiting for any advise.


Personally I think cutting carbs (or any other food group) is dangerous. You might want to find out the underlying reason why he is overweight first. For example, you say you are underweight due to a fast metabolism. Does he have any thyroid issues? Did he used to be an avid sportsperson who was very fit but has gained weight because he no longer trains so hard? Also, does he eat when stressed and has he been doing so for a long time e.g. before he married you? If any of these reasons are so, it is possible that all diets and lifestyle changes may not be successful. Also, while you are keen for him to lose the weight, he needs to want to lose it himself. "Finally agreed" sounds like he's doing so under duress rather than because he wants to.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:04 am
imasinger wrote:
One thing I have to say about your current plan --Don't hide the nosh anywhere in the house. He will find it. Better to cut it down to rarely for all of you. Nobody will die from having less nosh for a while.

You and he might want to read up on intuitive eating, as an alternative strategy.

Hypnosis is said to sometimes be helpful.

Exercising together is for sure helpful. A lot of people really love the FitBit.

Finding success stories to encourage him could be helpful, or could backfire, tread carefully.

Good luck to both of you!


There is barely any nosh in the house....it's more like a package of liquorice or chips I buy as shabbos treats once a month! It's more the stuff I bake.

Hypnosis, he would never do and excersise he literally has no time, I was hoping I could get him to walk with me a little every night, as a start, but that means I need to be up and ready around 10/11 when he comes home. I was thinking of getting him a fitbit, but I am doubting he would wear it.

Thanks for your help though!
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:07 am
Amarante wrote:
Since both of you are clueless, you need to get some outside help for your husband to help him with food choices as well as behavioral changes that he needs to make to be successful.

I recommend Weight Watchers as the diet plan is very healthy and really enables the whole family to eat the same food.

There is an online program you can join and opt for a personal coach. This is a huge bargain as you can make appointments to talk to this person as often as he needs. He can choose a coach that he feels suitable as he can find a man who also lost a lot of weight and is successfully keeping it off. There is really nothing as helpful as having one in one help when dieting to provide instruction, support and accountability. It is better that he be accountable to the coach than his spouse.

Also you would be able to use his account to get hints on recipes as there are so many recipes to help make it less of a hardship including slimming tr attention if favorite foods.


I mentioned weight watchers to him, he happens to know a lot about the program, but for reasons I can't say on here, he won't do weight watchers.

But thanks for the advise.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:08 am
btdivorcedmom wrote:
Read the book "Life transforming diet" by David Zulberg. It's based on Rambam principles, very easy to follow, does not fully exclude any food groups, and is very easy to keep up over a long period of time.


Thanks I will check it out.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:12 am
mommy24 wrote:
I mentioned weight watchers to him, he happens to know a lot about the program, but for reasons I can't say on here, he won't do weight watchers.

But thanks for the advise.


He should then find a nutritionist to give him one on one counseling because it is almost impossible for people to lose weight without having outside support to provide counsel and accountability.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:18 am
amother wrote:
Personally I think cutting carbs (or any other food group) is dangerous. You might want to find out the underlying reason why he is overweight first. For example, you say you are underweight due to a fast metabolism. Does he have any thyroid issues? Did he used to be an avid sportsperson who was very fit but has gained weight because he no longer trains so hard? Also, does he eat when stressed and has he been doing so for a long time e.g. before he married you? If any of these reasons are so, it is possible that all diets and lifestyle changes may not be successful. Also, while you are keen for him to lose the weight, he needs to want to lose it himself. "Finally agreed" sounds like he's doing so under duress rather than because he wants to.


Nah, I don't bring up his weight at all. He gained 50 lbs throughout our almost 20 years of marriage. I maybe brought it up when he gained at first, years ago. I think since he had been living in yeshiva dorms for 7 years b4 we married he just wasn't eating so much. Once we got married he started eating 3 big meals a day where someone was shopping and buying nosh, so he ate it. And since I love baking breads, cookies, cakes, etc. He just gained the weight. He is not active, he works in an office and like I said b4 he was sitting in yeshiva for 7 years.
I would never push any one to do anything like lose weight since I know how hard it is to make a lifestyle change. For medical reason I am on a special diet which limits many foods I am used to eating. It is incredibly difficult for me, I think he sees this and sees how hard I am working at cutting these foods out, when before I wouldn't/couldn't. I think that made him realize that he should try as well. Plus he has been feeling terribly heavy lately and sleeping habits aren't helping....so he said to me he is finally ready to do something to have a healthier lifestyle. But that's where I come in and need/want to help him, without it being too much for him so he fails.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:21 am
I agree with those that say he needs a good nutritionist. The first step should be complete blood work to rule out any issues or deficiencies. After that, a nutritionist can create a customized food plan for him based on his weight loss goal, likes and dislikes etc.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:33 am
I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like your husband is truly ready. For one thing, "finally agreed" sounds like someone (or several someones) badgered him about his weight until he said ok ok I'll start working on it. His refusal to do any of the basics- consult with professionals, make any kind of change that might be the eensiest bit challenging- prove that he isn't entirely serious about this. I will be frank, as someone who is in the middle of losing 40 excess lbs: changes will have to be made, some of those changes will be hard, and some things will be missed. If it was that easy, no one but the absolute laziest would be fat.
Now, this doesn't mean he has to starve himself- in fact, it is vital that he not go hungry, as the #1 reason for failure is hunger. You can go hungry for a few weeks, but eventually your resolve will break and it all goes out the window. If you are hungry, you can't continue in the long term. Proteins and good fats are great for keeping you satisfied. He does nor need to cut any food groups entirely, but yes, he will need to drastically reduce consumption of certain things. Like sugar, which isn't good for anyone. You may need to adjust your baking. He will probably need to cut back on beverages. If he can't bear plain water, seltzer with a bit of juice tastes pretty good and is much better than a whole glass of juice or soda. Btw, a competent nutritionist will help him figure out how to eat the things he enjoys and craves without eating too much of the things he should avoid. And a doctor can figure out if "everything in moderation" can work or if he may, in fact, need to do without certain things (for example, if he is a high risk of developing diabetes, then no, he can't have carbs "in moderation"; he would have to seriously restrict them if he expects to avoid diabetes). But again, it doesn't sound like he's truly committed. Maybe adjust your recipes and go easy on the sugar for now. Try to add more vegetables where you can- in omelets, in ground meat, in soups and sauces. That should help. But until he's committed enough to do certain things that may be difficult, you really can't expect much.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:33 am
While I agree with everyone about him going for blood work, and dietician, he won't go. I have been asking for years, but because of problems he has had with drs in past, he doesn't trust many. It's a very difficult situation, believe me in a second I would tell him to go to Dr and nutrionist, but that won't work in this situation. And it would just turn him off to trying to eat healthier. And now that he is saying he would try to eat healthier, I don't want to ruin it. I can't ask friends because either they are just as overweight, they have fast metabolism, or cu tout carbs completely and none of these would work for my husband.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:37 am
This past summer my husband had a health wake up call and dr told him he should lose weight he also needed to lose about 40 to 50 lbs. He's been on different diets in the past but this time instead of dieting we went to a nutritionist who did not give him a diet but rather explained and educated him as to the way food groups etc affect the body and helped him come up with a viable food plan based on foods he eats and his daily schedule.

A big part was portion size and combinations. It has worked beautifully and he is feeling so much better and energetic. In 2 + months he has lost 20 pounds dr is thrilled and although it's work but husband finds it really workable.

So instead of these "diets" I suggest a visit with a nutritionist who doesn't promote a specific diet but works with the patients preferences etc.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:38 am
When my husband waneed my help to lose weight I was really clueless about a healthy lifestyle. I thought that fried cauliflower was so healthy cause it's a vegetable.

I called a nutritionist and I spoke to her about my husband. My husband would never have the patience to deal with her himself. I leaned a lot about food groups and she set up a plan for him. She also shared many recipes. It was great for me because it did work for my husband and I really learned a lot about food and how to set up a healthy lifestyle.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:47 am
Maybe I will ask the dietician I see to help me figure out what to do. I won't be seeing her for a while though.

But again, I thinking portion control and the cakes I make for shabbos is the issue, oh and the food I make for kids that he willnosh on, ie like fried schnitzel. Otherwise, most foods I am making grilled chicken, salmon with out any sauces, etc always salads, veggies, and a healthy carb. We don't have desserts during the week, but he is forever craving something. Another problem is that he doesn't eat breakfast in the morning, maybe a granola bar or something like that. He just doesn't have time for breakfast. Maybe I will try to have something ready for him that would be easy to eat in car while he goes to work.

Thanks again to everyone for their advise.

ETA: I can't change kids diets, they need to gain weight. So I make them fried foods like schnitzel, or meats everyone in a while. But again, always healthy veggies, not fried, and a healthy side/carb.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:01 am
mommy24 wrote:
Maybe I will ask the dietician I see to help me figure out what to do. I won't be seeing her for a while though.

But again, I thinking portion control and the cakes I make for shabbos is the issue, oh and the food I make for kids that he willnosh on, ie like fried schnitzel. Otherwise, most foods I am making grilled chicken, salmon with out any sauces, etc always salads, veggies, and a healthy carb. We don't have desserts during the week, but he is forever craving something. Another problem is that he doesn't eat breakfast in the morning, maybe a granola bar or something like that. He just doesn't have time for breakfast. Maybe I will try to have something ready for him that would be easy to eat in car while he goes to work.

Thanks again to everyone for their advise.


Since you are supplying him with what he eats, then you can change the food the WHOLE family eats so that everyone is healthy.

You can get loads of recipes for delicious healthier versions of foods you like. Instead of fried schnitzel for your children, make them baked versions and then for you and your husband just make plain chicken.

Make lots of veggies without high fattening sauces or preparations.

You shouldn't cut out carbs but limit the portion size so that it is the smallest component of the meal.

If you eat plain lean protein (chicken, fish or even lean beef), plus lots of veggies and fruits plus limited high quality carbs (think sweet potatoes, whole grain pasta, brown rice of whole wheat couscous), you can eat quite a lot and never feel deprived. It's not really dieting because it is a life style change you would do for the rest of your life.

You're not doing your children any favors by feeding them unhealthy fried foods or lots of nosh on a regularly basis. Keep veggies CUT UP and give it to them with yogurt dips or hummus or guacamole - but limit this for your husband as they are high in calorie if eaten in too much quantity.

If you need to feed your children nosh, buy the portion controlled bags of stuff. I get 100 calorie bags for myself to nosh on of pretzels. If I had the large bag, I would eat the large bag but with the small bag, it helps prevent me from over-indulging. They have these snacks in every conceivable variation - for your children you can get whatever they like.

They also have low calorie versions of wraps and other breads which make a satisfying sandwich. I can have a HUGE amount of turkey or chicken breast wrapped into a Light Wrap with a schmear of hummus or guacamole and it keeps me full and is very low in calories but high in nutrition.
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mommy24




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:22 am
Amarante wrote:
Since you are supplying him with what he eats, then you can change the food the WHOLE family eats so that everyone is healthy.

You can get loads of recipes for delicious healthier versions of foods you like. Instead of fried schnitzel for your children, make them baked versions and then for you and your husband just make plain chicken.

Make lots of veggies without high fattening sauces or preparations.

You shouldn't cut out carbs but limit the portion size so that it is the smallest component of the meal.

If you eat plain lean protein (chicken, fish or even lean beef), plus lots of veggies and fruits plus limited high quality carbs (think sweet potatoes, whole grain pasta, brown rice of whole wheat couscous), you can eat quite a lot and never feel deprived. It's not really dieting because it is a life style change you would do for the rest of your life.

You're not doing your children any favors by feeding them unhealthy fried foods or lots of nosh on a regularly basis. Keep veggies CUT UP and give it to them with yogurt dips or hummus or guacamole - but limit this for your husband as they are high in calorie if eaten in too much quantity.

If you need to feed your children nosh, buy the portion controlled bags of stuff. I get 100 calorie bags for myself to nosh on of pretzels. If I had the large bag, I would eat the large bag but with the small bag, it helps prevent me from over-indulging. They have these snacks in every conceivable variation - for your children you can get whatever they like.

They also have low calorie versions of wraps and other breads which make a satisfying sandwich. I can have a HUGE amount of turkey or chicken breast wrapped into a Light Wrap with a schmear of hummus or guacamole and it keeps me full and is very low in calories but high in nutrition.


Not sure you read my posts above, but the nosh is once a month and only one,nosh and one bag chips for 8 kids and desserts which I make on shabbos. I am the mother that has her kids bring home whatever nosh they get in school and substitute with a prize or small piece of chocolate Very Happy my kids,are the ones that bring in chumos and veggies or wraps for snack and salads for lunch! Sorry for sounding so stubborn on this, but I didn't realize that I made it sound as though all we do is nosh on chips and fatty foods all day.

Except for the brown rice, no one eats that here, no matter how I make it. I bake with ww flour, I buy high fiber multi grain breads, etc. And I make something deep fried, ie schnitzel once every 2/ 3 weeks.

End result, I am going to take books out of library for inspiration and just try to figure out healthy snack ideas, and breakfasts to eat on the go. An maybe see if I can walk with my husband late at night. This way he gets some movement in during the day.

Thanks again everyone for the advice.
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