NON.STOP.FIGHTING!

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 1:35 pm

Please help me! I'm loosing it. Since they get up and their eyes are half open they are bickering and fighting. Please please any advice, tips? I tried a chart, good rewards, bad rewards EVERYTHING At wits end

kids are 9,7 (boys)and 5(girl)

MagentaYenta

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 1:50 pm

Teaching conflict resolution to kids takes time, they need to learn to identify their feelings and appropriate expressions of them. Then they need to be taught how to resolve the conflict, even if it's something as simple are the rock, papers, scissors method. They also need basic boundaries, no hitting, no name calling, no shouting. Perhaps you can do some reading online about conflict resolution and children and find some techniques that you may be comfortable with. Remember this is teaching a skill set so it's going to take some time.

little neshamala

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 3:32 pm

A helpful tip to foster their relationship in general is to give them each a small ammount of money and have them buy a chanukah gift for each other. They will be forced to consider their siing, what type of gift they would appreciate etc, hide it, wrap it, present it, and be thanked for it.

Ive seen this work wonders.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 3:56 pm

Tons of fighting here too!!!!
The present idea sounds great, gonna try it!! More fighting when less space.
Almost 10 year old boy cant stop, 8 year old girl 1,3,5 year old boy! Even almost 1 year old knocks down magnatiles, pulls everyone hair etc.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 4:29 pm

little neshamala wrote:

For the long term how does this promote conflict resolution skills? Kids that have conflicts will have them regardless of the holiday, and you can't have them buying gifts every time there is a conflict.

Siblings Without Rivalry as previously recommended is a great resource. Here's a link to some Cliff Notes about the book. https://matleave.wordpress.com.....otes/

amother

Violet

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 4:41 pm

Same here. I'm going crazy from it. My main issue is how to react and how much to get involved. I didn't always see what happened and get at least two versions if I try to find out. But if I don't do anything they get so upset that sibling "gets away with" hurting them. Way too much crying around here.
I did make a chart for a week before yom kippur where they were rewarded each time they did something nice to the sibling below them. It worked out nicely but not long term...

MagentaYenta

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

The link I posted has some good go to charts for handling these reactions. Give them a try and practice. Learning new skills takes time.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 14 2016, 6:40 am

Unless one is obviously older/guiltier, I have them solve it and don't want to hear or both are punished. it works, and they bond together over your harsh rules LOL

They know maman "never punishes" unless it's assur, dangerous or mean kah Smile

little neshamala

Wed, Dec 14 2016, 7:47 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

I think you misunderstood me. Of course children need to learn conflict resolution skills, and I agree about reading Siblings Without Rivalry-excellent book.

I am not saying to have the children buy gifts for each other whenever theres a conflict. Rolling Eyes

What I was trying to say is that ive seen this suggestion work so well when it comes to strengthening the siblings overall relationship with each other, and in turn, they "like" each other more, end up speaking just a tad more respectfully, playing nicely just a bit longer, being mevater a little more often.

Ive seen this with my own kids, my younger siblings and others as well.

But of course, yes, children need to be taught conflict resolution skills and in no way does this replace that.