Is an Avel allowed to go to a Chanukah Party?

amother

Bisque

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 2:46 pm

Can an Avel go to a family Chanukah party or make one?

yksraya

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 2:54 pm

This really is a question for your LOR as he can tell you on what terms you can go.

Maybe

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 3:28 pm

AYLOR it's not a 1 size fits all, there are so many variables that may lead a rav to rule leniently.

Is it hosted by parent or boss, will young kids need your attention, can you serve the food or attend the buffet table .

amother

Bisque

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 3:54 pm

OP here
I am talking about a family Chanukah party
So basically if I can't attend that means my siblings can't either
So it will only be one spouse representative and kids
What do people do...just skip the party and we all mourn

Chayalle

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 4:33 pm

Ask you LOR. We were told we could do it for the Mitzva of Persumei Nissa, but one of my sisters was not allowed to eat (she could come but not eat).

Laiya

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 4:46 pm

Thanks for bringing this up OP. Aveilus is tough Sad

I was told I can go and eat, but not wash. So it pays to ask.

amother

Pink

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 9:28 am

I am an avel and rov said I can't go
so I am supposed to stay home while everyone else goes out and leaves me
home by myself.

amother

Amber

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 9:34 am

I'm sorry amother pink. It's part of being an avel. No one is "leaving you". Try not to take it so hard and use the time alone at home for some me time. Take relaxing bath, watch movie, go to bed early....

pesek zman

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 9:49 am

In my family my mom and uncle were told that at long as it’s just family they could go. You def needs to ask your own rabbi

mommyhood

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 9:54 am

amother wrote:

Yes, it’s common to skip the Chanukah party that year. We were able to have an immediate family gathering in my parents house rather than a big party with aunts and uncles and cousins.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:02 am

Echoing everyone else to ask your LOR. On that note, a family member of mine was given the psak that she couldn't go to one or make one but if her husband makes one in her house then she doesn't have to leave. Other family members did the setting up.

PinkFridge

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:04 am

pesek zman wrote:

In my family my mom and uncle were told that at long as it’s just family they could go. You def needs to ask your own rabbi

She did.
I'm with the immediate previous poster. There are ways to pamper yourself during aveilus. And if you're sad, that's ok too. Tell yourself that it's part of honoring the neshama and giving him or her an aliya.

HaMakom yenachem eschem b'soch aveilei Tziyon vYrushalayim. (This is to any readers of the thread for whom this is relevant.)

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:05 am

Both my mother and father in law are in Aveilus this year. They are both making Chanukah parties. You should definitely ask a Rav.

amother

Natural

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

I am an avel and rov said I can't go
so I am supposed to stay home while everyone else goes out and leaves me
home by myself.

So sorry for your loss. But you sound resentful of the aveilut halachot. When one loses a parent it is a year long process and there are reasons for this. Try to accept it as part of showing respect to the neshama of your beloved parent.

Zehava

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:10 am

So many variables like others said
I think that it it’s a melava malka it’s also a point in your favor
Either way, yes, aveilus means you will miss out on some fun stuff. I’m sorry for your loss

amother

Natural

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:11 am

amother wrote:

Both my mother and father in law are in Aveilus this year. They are both making Chanukah parties. You should definitely ask a Rav.

And there’s a difference between which family member you’re in aveilut for. Halachot for a parent are different than for a spouse, etc.

amother

Natural

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:12 am

amother wrote:

Can an Avel go to a family Chanukah party or make one?

You also wouldn’t be allowed to accept any gifts.

Laiya

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:34 am

amother wrote:

I am an avel and rov said I can't go
so I am supposed to stay home while everyone else goes out and leaves me
home by myself.

I would have an honest discussion with your rav. Tell him you are depressed (if true), and staying home while everyone else goes is extremely difficult for you, is there any way that you can be permitted to attend? For ex. if you don't wash or bentch, would that be ok?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hamakom yenacheim eschem

amother

Amber

Sun, Nov 11 2018, 10:39 am

Laiya, the year of aveilos is supposed to be difficult. OP, maybe you should learn the halachos of aveilos to help you understand why we need to do all this. It might help with the resentment. It's not supposed to be easy. You can celebrate with your own family (DH and kids) at home. There are other ways to make chanukah special.