Do we really owe him anything?

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:20 am

You may think you're being very clear, but imagine him needing to remember different daily schedules for every kid on the bus. It is just not ok.

tichellady

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:24 am

The tip is not the issue here, although I do think you need to tip him. You should apologize for making him so crazy! You have not been easy to deal with. I know it's not intentional but it doesn't matter, you are making his job too complicated. He's a bus driver, not a rocket scientist,a nanny or a private chaffeur. It sounds like driving your kid yourself may just work out better for you.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:25 am

OP - you are incredibly out of line for that to even happen once. Why on earth do you have his cell number, why are you calling him while he is driving, and why do you expect him not to yell at you when you asked him to work extra for free as if he is your slave.

You need to give him a tip. You were the one who was very rude. Imagine if your boss kept you at work extra, expected it, and then didn't pay you.

Imagine if you were paid a set amount per day and that happened.

I'd never drive your child again.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:25 am

What I don't get from everyone here, is lets say its a restaurant, you tip your waiter(ess) if they provide professional and courteous service, if you spill ok fine, if you're in the bathroom when the waitress brings your food, they don't threaten "not to bring your food if you're not there"--if s/he did, I'll be you wouldn't tip. If the waiter(ess) is rude--that would affect his/her tip. no?
This driver gets paid by the school, when my other child was in a special ed preschool, we were given specific drop off and pick up times and the window of how long the driver would wait and what the reprecussions would be if we were late--and we were never late (ok, circumstances were different for us). Here the driver gave us 1 time at the beginning of the year--and it took until well after y"t for that time to get accurate, never got a time for after school, but it was a moot point b/c I made alternate arrangements. All because of a simple switch of address for the one day a week that I use him, he gives us attitude about any little thing?? This service gets a tip??

tichellady

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:34 am

amother wrote:

Everyone is telling you that you are not treating him well and you are ignoring us. Maybe it's time to do some introspection. Why are you so resistant to hearing that you are in the wrong here?

But to go with your anology, a bus driver isn't a waiter. He's more like a delivery person. He is not supposed to provide individual service, discuss the menu with you, see how the food is, offer wine suggestions etc. he is supposed to drop off your food or in this case, your child. Imagine you ordered a meal and asked it to be delivered and then changed the address after he got to the location or told him that actually you aren't home yet can he wait 20 minutes for you or can he bring the meal to your friend who isn't home either and wait for her. Do you think that's normal?

I would give him a tip and a note saying something like " thank you for being so understanding this year. We will try to be more organized this year! We appreciate how accommodating you have been. "

ra_mom

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:36 am

amother wrote:

Since the food is not valuable, if you're in the bathroom when your food arrives at the table, the waiter can just leave it there, alone, until you get back.

And even in that scenario, he's not required to wait at your table until you get there.

The bus driver is not just doing a pick up and delivery. He is responsible for the safekeeping of your son.

About your question regarding you being on vacation from work this week, I'd say it's worth your while to pick up your son from school as usual instead of making another confusing bus change.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:40 am

amother wrote:

FWIW I also think you should be paying your Friday afternoon babysitter.

I'm waiting for the thread "WWYD - I look after friend's kid every Friday afternoon. It's such a busy time, abs she barely even says thank you".

Uh, I do pay her. She offered this plan, wasn't my idea. That't the kind of person she is.

I don't understand, I'm "out of line" for having an unforeseen emergency?

He gave us his cell phone number, I know he doesn't answer the phone while driving, I tried to catch him before he started driving. Today he called me "a few minutes before getting to my house"--and I was caught off guard that he was so much earlier than usual, and I was stuck in traffic.

Work extra for free? I was going to meet him. I agree that today he did me a favor by bringing my son back to me after I didn't get back in time. But the other times? He has to bring him SOMEWHERE, and I made it clear to him that EVERY FRIDAY will be this different address.

Yes, I work best when it's a "routine" day. Days off are not routine and its hard to get them to turn out "just-right". Things happen that are beyond our control. However all of this attitude from him comes from a single incident--which was beyond our control, and he's still griping at us. If he wants his tip--why can't he just stop with the attitude?

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:48 am

OP, I understand it wasn't your intention at all, but you're really out of line. You can't request different/special drop of places on different days and expect him to remember what days your son will or will not be on the bus. That's not ok. You really can't do that anymore.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:55 am

In this case the tip would be more of an apology and gesture of good will on your part.

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 12:59 am

amother wrote:

In this case the tip would be more of an apology and gesture of good will on your part.

And a note that next year she won't do this anymore.

amother

Oak

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 1:02 am

amother wrote:

Uh, I do pay her. She offered this plan, wasn't my idea. That't the kind of person she is.

I don't understand......

?

From everything you wrote on this thread, I'd suggest really clarifying wth her that she is happy with the arrangement. You seem to have difficulties seeing another person's point of view. Not necessarily your "fault", but something to work on.

Also - have a think about how all this would seem from your son's point of view. Unsettling to say the least.

fiji

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 3:25 am

What a frustrating situation! I say just suck it up and tip him. It will be worth it for you in the long run

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 3:36 am

I can really relate OP. I had one year that was logistically (and emotionally) very hard for me and my babysitter was very inflexible with me. It was hard and to this day I still don't feel comfortable around her - it has been over 6 years since my son was by her. Looking back I wish I had eaten a piece of humble pie, apologized and thanked her for what she did do, and realized that if she can't be flexible I'll have to get help some other way. I asked and she said no and I needed to just respect that rather than resent her for it.

Humility goes a long way. Good luck - it really isn't easy being a working mom.

allthingsblue

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 7:52 am

Here's what I would have done if I was stuck at the mechanic: as soon as I realized it was taking so long to fix, I would have called a car service to take me home to be there for my son.
And then pick up the car later that night.

yOungM0mmy

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 7:54 am

My kids also get bussed to school, and we have to drive 20-25 minutes to catch the bus. We've only been a minute late once, and we have no way of determining traffic till we her to the bus. You leave early to make the bus in time, is just what you do, and you make a network with the other parents (we have a whatsapp group) to coordinate where the bus is and if one of us is running a couple of minutes late.
One other suggestion that your driver may be agreeable to: our bus has a tracking app that we all have the password to, and we keep checking the app to know where he is so we don't end up waiting ages if he's running late, and we can know how to schedule our time to be there for our kids. Usually works well, even though it's stressful to be watching the app and refreshing every few minutes, but thats what you do to make sure your kids dont end up on a street corner by themselves, or you're inconveniencing another mother of little kids by being consistently late...

DrMom

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 7:57 am

Sounds like this bus driver (note: BUS driver, not taxi driver!) was really bending over backwards to accommodate you.

I think you should have slipped him a little extra cash *before* he even asked for it.

A little good will goes a long way.

After the fact, you should write him a nice note and give him a nice tip. And be super-nice from now on.

You need to get more people to help you with logistics. Maybe another mother with whom you can exchange favors, or a local teenager who can help in a pinch.

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

op, it wasn't an unforeseen emergency. you were at the mechanics, and you should have realized that you weren't going to be able to drive in time. so you should have called a cab, summoned an uber or lyft. this is easy. and since you opted not to do that, you had the bus driver go out of his way to drop your child off at your babysitter's house. that's two mistakes on your part. then you didn't bother to call the babysitter and confirm that she was there. strike three, all in one day. even if the babysitter is generally available in an emergency, it is ALWAYS your responsibility to make sure she is there. you cannot send your 4 year old to any location without knowing he will be supervised. regardless of the whole bus scenario, this was irresponsible of you. own it. this is not a bus driver miffed at one little inconvenience. this is a whole megilla for him.

as I stated earlier, he obviously doesn't trust you to meet him at a different location. he's been burned by you before, and he'd be a fool to assume you'd do as you say. you are inconsistent with him. he basically is doing extra in order to cover his own behind because he knows that you will not accept responsibility should anything go wrong.

and yes, if you're home, you should definitely continue with doing what you usually do. pick up your son. sure, non-routine days don't go perfectly, but you can and should pick him up on time. there really is no excuse not to. if you have other kids home with you, calculate an extra ten minutes to get them into shoes and coats and into the car. a day off from work is not a day off from parenting, and if picking up your child is a daily thing, you need to do just that.

chavs

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 8:19 am

Op, why did you ask here? Pretty much everyone has said the same thing and you're making excuses. If you didn't want hear it or if you weren't open to seeing that you might not be right, why post in the first place?
Post after post ppl have said the same thing and you keep bringing more excuses.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 8:47 am

mummiedearest wrote:

I think you are being rather harsh with me. We had a light on in the car, DH assumed it was a malfunctioning sensor since we didn't notice anything wrong with the car. So went in to get it checked out and was told that it was a major problem that would take 3 hours to fix and I couldn't even drive home 15 mins to go get my kids and come right back. It was the day before Thanksgiving and I needed my car for the next 2 days to do carpool for school--and no, I had no better option for getting my kids to school everyone was relying on my minivan. If I had taken a cab home, there likely would've been no way to get my car before the holiday. So in a blink I had to think fast realizing that it was just about dismissal time I figured at least my babysitter is "on the route" as it his his "usual" stop for my son it would be the least intrusive. Was it bad judgement on my babysitter's part to go chance it with the doctor knowing that she had to pick up my son? Probably, but I understand her perspective that it was likely--and was the flu--so she wanted to get him medicine so she wouldn't have a sick kid and have to cancel on her parents any longer than necessary. She had never done something like that. I initially told her that I'd be early, so she made an appointment. Ok, so he should be irked with her, not us. As the first time something like this happening, he couldn't have been more understanding that we "goofed"? So now every little thing becomes a headache for us. Believe me I was MORTIFIED realizing that I was late yesterday, I really felt bad and I offered to meet him to save him the trouble--and he led me on a wild goose chase.

Again, its this continued "attitude"--he basically yelled at us EVERY DAY for the next week about it and wasn't willing to accept that it was a mistake--with us that makes us annoyed with him. For one week I cant' make a change in schedule? What would happen if my babysitter would not be available on Friday due to being sick or sick child--I'd have to make alternate arrangements. It happens. When breaks from routine happen you have to think fast and gamble, sometimes you loose, but he's being a "sore loser" about one time.

He probably wants a Chanuka present, but at this point, I'll probably just tip him in June. I feel like that if he would've just gone through the changes for us--yes, I would tip him graciously, but this continued attitude with us is taking away my generosity.

allthingsblue

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 8:55 am

Op, did you apologize to him genuinely or did you just make excuses? If he feels you don't even realize you were wrong, of course he's frustrated with you!
Also, waiting until June to tip him is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Tip him now. Let him be happy with you and hopefully that will help you in the future