So, did you get a thank you from your son's rebbi?

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So, did you get a thank you from your son's rebbi?
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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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watergirl

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:25 am

Now that Chanukah is in the past, I'm so curious. So many threads every year about "tipping" the rebbe on chanukah/purim/whenever. Did anyone's son's rebbe thank you? I'm not talking about the PTA gift thats almost a given (although a thank you would be nice also). I'm talking about when the school advises you to give the rebbe separately. I gave $25 and no mention has been made. No email, no newsletter thank you blurb (like "thank you to all the parents who gave blah blah"). I know how much some ofnus struggle to give the rebbes. Its very upsetting imo.
So who was thanked?

ecs

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:27 am

watergirl wrote:

my sons rebbe sent home a thank you note.

flowerpower

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:29 am

My sons rebbes and teachers sent a thank you note.

gold21

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:29 am

I got a thank you card from one Rebbe so far.

I was impressed by how quick he mailed them out!

Chayalle

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:29 am

I got a card from DD's Morah with a handwritten note. I was wowed - did she sit and write 25 notes? She probably did!

I also got a really nice note from DD's occupational therapist.

amother

Mint

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:30 am

I sent home a thank you note. Doubt all kids brought it all the way home toom tho.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:46 am

DH is a Rebbi and he hand writes thank you cards to all parents.

They were mailed within 3-4 days of receiving the gift.

amother

Denim

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:51 am

So my boys rebba wrote on the envelope ' thank you lots of yiddish nachas!'. Now I know that he received the money.

Laiya

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:56 am

I view it as, the tip IS the thank you. A tip is not a gift.

And a thank you doesn't need its own thank you! Confused

So when I get thank you notes, I view them as completely above and beyond and certainly not expected or necessary.

MiriW

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:57 am

I did not get a thank you note from son's Rebbe, but did get a phone call from his English teacher and hand written cards from daughter's teachers. My son's Rebbe has close to sixty students because he also teaches two English subjects in the afternoons at the yeshiva, so I am dan l'chaf zechus that it would be overwhelming for him to write/call all the parents. I appreciate that he works hard every day to ensure my son is happy in yeshiva and truthfully I am happy with that. We should give our children's teachers and Rebbes a break. If you give a gift, don't have expectations for a thank you note.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:58 am

One son's rebbe mailed a handwritten thank you card.
One son's rebbe had a generic thank you note stapled to the weekly newsletter.

The girl school collected group gifts. I got generic printed cards from all teachers and assistants. One teacher wrote a note on the card.

cnc

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:00 am

I got notes or personal thank yous from all Rebbes and teachers.

allthingsblue

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:07 am

Laiya wrote:

I view it as, the tip IS the thank you. A tip is not a gift.

And a thank you doesn't need its own thank you! Confused

So when I get thank you notes, I view them as completely above and beyond and certainly not expected or necessary.

I disagree with this view. A tip deserves a thank you.
My 2 year old son's morah sent a photo copied thank you note that she obviously sent to all the parents. We had chipped in only $10, as was requested, and she sent a thank you. That was nice of her (and also expected. I expected some sort of thank you!).

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:09 am

Mg sons rebbe texted me thank gou

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:28 am

Among approx 10 teachers/rebbes (all my kids') some sent home a note, one called to say thanks you, and a few just ignored.

It's nice of them to send home a note, but I've learned in all these years that many don't.

Depends on the person.

LittleDucky

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:31 am

Laiya wrote:

I view it as, the tip IS the thank you. A tip is not a gift.

And a thank you doesn't need its own thank you! Confused

So when I get thank you notes, I view them as completely above and beyond and certainly not expected or necessary.

Yes it does.
His salary doesn't need a thank you but anything beyond it needs a thank you. I send out personalized thank yous for birthday gifts. If I sent a gift, he can take the 2 minutes out to send me a card. How long does it take to write "dear Rabbi and Mrs Kerfuffle, thank you for the generous gift. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and look forward to a successful rest of the year. Much yiddishe nachas!" ???
And if he has 60 kids that's no excuse. It means he got that many more checks. He could do it in advance when he has time and fill in the name later!
A Jewish Midah is Hakaras Hatov. Shouldn't our teachers emulate it?

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:54 am

Honestly I think some people just have an easier time with this sort of thing. I have a terrible time with doing this type of thing...whatever it is, there is some missing thing from me. Maybe I have ADD of some type. Having to call or text or write a letter is very stressful for me. Letters especially since I might not have the addresses.

When I taught, I would give a verbal thank when I saw the parents you but it would never have occurred to me to write a thank you note. (I do write thank you notes for baby wedding gifts etc) Most gifts were extremely low value token items eg a potted plant, some chocolates (often a hechsher I couldn't eat, a photo frame etc). I am telling the truth when I say I would rather not receive such gifts (and I love gifts) if it meant I had to write thank you notes.

Writing 60(!!!) notes would take a huge amount of time. Several hours at least. And if someone has 60 students they are probably part time students and parents tend to give less money for part day students. The teacher has to keep track of exactly which students gave him a gift, write the notes, address the envelopes. If he gives them in class the kids who did not give a gift might feel bad they didn't get one.

saw50st8

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:03 pm

I don't remember. It's not something I care about. I don't give a gift and expect an obligation. Then it's not a gift, it's a payment for a thank you card.

Squishy

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:06 pm

How should it be handled when it is a group gift and obviously some parents didn't tip?

If you send a thank you then those who didn't chip in might feel bad. But not to acknowledge those that did is not nice.

watergirl

Tue, Jan 10 2017, 12:20 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

Exactly. That really is "First World Problems". Poor guy, you got SOOO many checks, how can you possibly thank all of them! So at the VERY least, send a group note.

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