Question for mothers of Lakewood high school girls

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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Chayalle

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 9:54 am

I don't think shuffling kids to schools outside of Lakewood is a good answer for many. Personally, I wouldn't consider it an answer if I was told to send my child away from home, or travelling, at the age of 14. TTYTT, my daughter's bus comes at 7:30 a.m., and boy, it's tough to make it sometimes! I can't imagine dealing with having to travel, in addition to school work, and like Cerise mentioned, what about their social life?

Lakewood needs more high schools, and the overflow will build up some of the newer ones, though it will come at the expense of some teens who will not feel great about not being accepted to one of the more popular choices.

Really, we need new schools to be started early - not when there are a bunch of girls who didn't get accepted - but actually at the point where it's a first option for some, so that it doesn't become labeled a "reject" school. Better yet, attached to an existing, successful elementary school, it stands a better chance.

I firmly believe, though, that a parent can help mitigate those feelings, by giving her teen positive messages about it. My girls go to a great high school, but it wasn't from the "big three" at the time they got in (though I heard that this year they are FLOODED - people are waking up to the fact that it's a GREAT school) and at the time, my oldest DD's best friend got into ALL the schools she applied to (being the grand-daughter of a well-known Posek....) so I just explained to DD that we all have different jobs in life, and since Sarah's (not her real name) grandfather gives so much to the Klal, they deserve this extra of having a choice, but that doesn't mean that DD isn't a great kid, etc.....and when my next DD was up to high school and hardly anyone in her class was going to this school, I again did my best to encourage her that she's a great kid, and it's a great school - and she LOVES it now.....

As a mother, it's YOUR job to encourage your teen and give them the most positive messages possible, and yes, sometimes do damage control.

I remember the time a classmate of DD's, who was going to Lakewood's most-difficult-to-get-in school, smugly said to DD that she "can't believe" DD is going to this school....and then - I kid you not - she told DD that her shoes are so not BY-ish - (plain brown ballet flats - go figure....). I pointed out to DD that this illustrates that it's not the nicest, best-middos girls that go to that school...but rather, a matter of who people know, etc....

amother

Cerise

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:36 am

Chayalle your post is so accurate I agree with every word.

Bnos Devorah was supposed to open up a high school for the girls next year meaning in two years it will be open and now he had to push it off and he won't open for three years. Maybe the vaad will convince him to go with his original plan and open for the girls so next year doesn't have this problem.

A great solution would be if Bais faiga opens a high school. But I don't know if they would ever happen. But tiferes Bais yaakov definitely should too.

The solution is to open more high schools.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:45 am

amother wrote:

How won't a kid be traumatized when they know they are traveling everyday for forty five minutes to an hour each way because they couldn't get in when everyone else got in? How do you think other kids will treat them after school when they need to socialize? They will be forgotten and the other girls will go on to make new friends and shabbosim and yomim tovim will be torture for them?

We are trying to build up their self confidence not destroy it?

You do that by not choosing it as an afterthought, but including it in the looking at high schools process. Then it becomes a choice, rather than a last resort.

I took a bus an hour each way to high school and many other girls I knew did too. The bus ride was awesome. We hung out, had fun...yes it was a long day but it was worthwhile. I didn't like my local choices for high school (even the ones that fit hashkafically) so I opted out.

You cannot build up kids confidence using this system of getting kids into high school. It's really ludicrous. Kids who get in end up being ok, but it can be really scarring. For kids with low self esteem, forget it! These are tweens with enough emotional raging hormones to be dealing with.

Everyone says "open more schools" but someone in Lakewood needs to step up, look at demographics and say this is the amount of seats we currently need for next year and this is how many we have and figure out a way to cover the shortfall BEFORE kids get accepted to schools and not torture them every year.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:47 am

Lakewood amother chiming in here. Chayalle, it's unfortunate that the school system breeds an elitist attitude- if I get in to the best school and you don't, then I am better than you. When it's primary we're taking about its the parents that have this attitude. "Oh you send to THAT school? We send to xyz school" nose up in the air. Unfortunately when it comes to high school, the attitude is so absorbed and ingrained that the girls actually believe that they are part of some elitist club, hence the ridiculous comment about your daughters shoes. Her friends shoes will always be better because she only gets the best of the best.

I worry for these children down the line, really I do. There will come a time in their life when mommy and tatty won't be able to guarantee that they will continue having the best. Will they go to the best seminary? Will they find the best chosson? Will he make the best husband? Will they have the best children? At some point down the line they will learn that HaShem runs the world...

Your girls are very lucky that they are being raised with such normalcy (and yes they can still have the best husbands LOL

)

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

A high school was opened to service Bais Faiga, many years ago. My girls go to that school. It's called Bais Kaila.

True, it didn't expand to accommodate the volume of BF, but that's because other schools opened....

amother

Cerise

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 12:06 pm

I didn't realize Bais Kaila was so big. I thought Bais kaila only had four parallel classes Bais faiga has nine so how can Bais kaila take in all Bais faiga girls?

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 12:29 pm

amother wrote:

Spoke to two different owners of high schools. First set of answers coming out Wednesday and Thursday.

Which high schools did you speak to?

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:30 pm

amother wrote:

I didn't realize Bais Kaila was so big. I thought Bais kaila only had four parallel classes Bais faiga has nine so how can Bais kaila take in all Bais faiga girls?

They can't, but it's not like everyone from BF even wants to go to BK. Like I said, other schools opened that competed with BK for the BF students.

ETA: I've heard that in general, most girls from BF that apply to BK get in. But can't vouch for the truth of that.

Last edited by Chayalle on Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 1:31 pm

I heard that acceptance letters will start to come today - someone told me that they went out last night.

ETA: confirmed. someone close to me got into BK! It was her first choice.

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 2:22 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I heard that acceptance letters will start to come today - someone told me that they went out last night.

ETA: confirmed. someone close to me got into BK! It was her first choice.

Well, we got the letter from our first choice and it was a wait list type of letter. 😢 It said they'll let us know if they have room, but as of now they think we should explore other options. My DD will be so disappointed.

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 2:27 pm

Do most schools send rejection letters as well as wait list or acceptance letters? How does it work?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 2:38 pm

amother wrote:

So sorry....maybe Chayalle can give you some tips as to what to say and how to say it. Did she get accepted to any of her other 3 choices?

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 2:56 pm

amother wrote:

So sorry....maybe Chayalle can give you some tips as to what to say and how to say it. Did she get accepted to any of her other 3 choices?

We didn't get letters from any of the other schools yet but this one was her first second and third choice. Other schools are just a back up to her.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:18 pm

We got letters from oros and Bais Kaila today.

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:30 pm

amother wrote:

We got letters from oros and Bais Kaila today.

Did you get in to either of them?

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:35 pm

Bh got into Bais Kaila which was really our only choice. Oros were on a wait list but already decided we don't want to send there.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:45 pm

amother wrote:

Everyone says "open more schools" but someone in Lakewood needs to step up, look at demographics and say this is the amount of seats we currently need for next year and this is how many we have and figure out a way to cover the shortfall BEFORE kids get accepted to schools and not torture them every year.

And who is this magic someone? It would take hours of time, thousands of phone calls from parents, no life. Why would someone do this? I know people who have stepped down from positions in Lakewood because they had no life - people called them all hours of the day and they just couldn't deal with it. And those were paying jobs. Imagine a non-paying job.
You and I aren't doing it. I can't figure out why someone would willingly choose such a task. I guess that is why it isn't happening.

Why don't you do it? I'm being serious.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:48 pm

if you didn't get a letter today that means you weren't accepted?

amother

Mint

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

Bh got into Bais Kaila which was really our only choice. Oros were on a wait list but already decided we don't want to send there.

How do you know if you're on the oros wait list?

amother

Linen

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:07 pm

amother wrote:

if you didn't get a letter today that means you weren't accepted?

They sent out letters last night. Not everyone gets mail so fast.

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