Think twice, speak once.................

Tefila

Wed, Sep 12 2007, 6:22 pm

The idea of choosing your words carefully sounds easy enough, but how many times do you end up with your foot in your mouth? Everyone can probably recall a situation where someone offended them by saying something rude or out of line. These comments are not only embarrassing, but they can also damage relationships. Even the way you talk to yourself can be hurtful. Instead of saying "I can't," replace it with "I wish." Swap "I'm a failure" with "I didn't succeed this time." If you say the wrong thing in front of others, chances are that people will remember it. Wouldn't you prefer to be remembered for something more positive? Once you have said something out loud it cannot be taken back, and rarely can it be undone even with a tremendous amount of work.

What r u'r thoughts on this Wink

amother

Sat, Sep 15 2007, 7:39 pm

Sometimes, though, we can't help the way our words are interpreted. We need to know the other person's attitude. I have to go apologize to someome, because on Rosh Hashana, her little girl was being really chutzpadiche and said she should be allowed to do such and such because I let my son do such and such. I said "Never mind what my son does, you listen to your mother!"

The mother, someone I thought was a friend, was giving me dirty looks the rest of the davening, and came up to me at the end criticizing me on the way I was raising my kids.

Here I thought I was doing something productive. I was telling the girl to listen to her mother. And it did concern me, because the little girl was talking about my son.But this woman totally resented it.

I asked my husband why she could have been so offended, and he said "Don't you realize that because you are a foreigner and a BT she feels superior to you? You should have said nothing. She is thinking 'Who are you to correct my child?'

Anyway, I have to go apologize because this woman decided to take offense at having someone who is so "inferior" was only trying to help. Rolling Eyes

southernbubby

Sat, Sep 15 2007, 11:26 pm

All of life depends on speech. We do have to guard our speech but sometimes even the best intended words end up hurting someone else. For example, most people would love to be complimented for losing weight but what if the person experienced the weight loss as a result of serious illness (may the Yidden not know from it) rather than diet and exercise? Sometimes we need to question our own motives when we say certain things. Do we really care about the person or just want to appear to care? Do they really need our advice or do we just want to appear superior by giving it?

zeldy

Sun, Sep 16 2007, 12:34 am

Quote:

The mother, someone I thought was a friend, was giving me dirty looks the rest of the davening, and came up to me at the end criticizing me on the way I was raising my kids.

Here I thought I was doing something productive. I was telling the girl to listen to her mother. And it did concern me, because the little girl was talking about my son.But this woman totally resented it.

I asked my husband why she could have been so offended, and he said "Don't you realize that because you are a foreigner and a BT she feels superior to you? You should have said nothing. She is thinking 'Who are you to correct my child?'

That is not necessarily what she is thinking. She could just be embarrassed that her kid was out of line and she thinks it reflects badly on her and she resents you for pointing it out.