Super husky son | Imamother

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 9:58 am

My son has gone from a bit round to really overweight. (Think 95 lbs. for an 8/9 year old.)

I have tried so many ideas. He hates moving because his feet hurt, and he's not great at sports. He thinks about food ALL day, and takes it very seriously, ie. is almost insulted if supper isn't ready when he comes home. Always asking me "what should I eat?" I offer healthy choices, but he eats tons! Doesn't really like junk, but definitely loves carbs like potato chips, challah etc.

He has a bit of a hard time socially because of it, is super sensitive etc.

I feel shame and guilt, but don't really know what else to do for him.,

As an aside, although it's a bit less of an issue, it's really, really hard to find him decent clothing, and he really cares about the way he looks. He's always telling me that he hates his cheeks and chin and I really hurt for him. Literally nothing fits, even in size husky I need to size him up and then the shoulders are too big and the crotch is too long etc. Desperate for any ideas!!!!!

amother

Papaya

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:00 am

My son is the same age and about 5 lbs heavier - he is also very tall and solid (same height as my 11 year old) - like he looks like he could be a football player.

- Do you think he has sleep apnea - that could contribute to weight gain

Clothin:
- For suits I go to the store when not busy and they really worked to figure out what would make him look good - His jacket is a 10H and his pants are a 16 regular. They are just very hemmed. It looks much better on him then the 10 or 12 husky.
- For weekday pants I like the Children Place Flat front Husky in Black - the color is nice - the waste is a drop loose even. The regular 10 was fitting him until now - there is give in teh waste but recently the waist was too tight so we moved up to Husky.
- I find button down shirts look better then polos. Weekday we use regular fit - shabbos husky size.

Food:
- I serve no juice in the house.
- For school I let him take what everyone else takes - it bothers me he eats the junk but I don't want him to be more self conscious about his weight by eating differently. He knows taking popcorn is a better choice then chips but I don't push it on him.
- Supper - before I serve I say what the maximum is of certain foods - He is the only one that would take that much - and after that you can have as much salad as you want. From all my kids he likes soup and salads the most (go figure) so we always start supper with a soup and then add a large salad - he makes his himself.
- I have no control over his lunch and breakfast in school but we talked about what to eat - and good choices. He knows to take more apples and carrots and soup and salad and less of everything else - but I don't think he does it as much as he wants.
- He eats similar to my other children who are all very thin - so I know genetics have a lot to do with it and I can't make him feel bad or self concius about that.

Exercise:
He is active and plays sports. He got his tonsils out recently due to sleep apnea and I'm finding he has a lot more energy. I encourage the boys to play outside a minimum of 1 hr every night and try to go on walks and have them ride their bikes with me (as the weather gets nicer I hope to do it more often).

At one point he wanted to go to a nutritionist. I spoke to a nutritionist my DH was seeing and she strongly discouraged it - she just said to give him good food choices and educate him about food - but she thought it was unhealthy to start making that the focus of his life at this age.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:12 am

My son is ten. 115 pounds. I don't think he's as chubby as your son, because huskys are actually a little big on him. He just carries is weight very oddly. No tush, thin legs, big belly. For clothing, I take him to the boys clothing store and get him fitted. I paid $70 a pair of pants with alterations, but for me it's worth it so he should look good.

We do not mention the word fat in my house. I let him take chips or popcorn or pretzels to school, but at home we only eat fruit and vegetables. The rules are the same for the whole family. Nobody is singled out. Don't feel ashamed, because he will sense it, even if you don't say it. I constantly tell my son that he's gorgeous. And that's that.

Stars

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:16 am

Quote:

because his feet hurt

Did not read the rest of the replies but this stood out to me. Why do his feet hurt? Does he have flat feet? Is there something you can do about it?

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:30 am

Does he have good friends who really like him and want to hang out with him? Or is he lonely socially? Is there anything you can do to improve his social situation? It seems as though a combination of sadness and boredom has elevated the importance of food in his life. Maybe you can address it at the root. Hugs, you sound like a very caring mom.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this all out!

I strognly agree with the bolded. Interestingly, he never made the connection between food and weight yet and I have not told him that eating too much can make you fat. I do talk alot about eating healthy and getting exercise so that we can grow and be healthy and strong, and he often makes better choices because of this knowledge. I'm always tempted to say something, but I don't want him to carry this burden so young and feel guilty every time he eats. On the other hand, knowing that eating less will make him look better may motivate him, so I never know what to do. Any thoughts on this?

It is definitely genetics here too, I am average and my DH is rail thin, and all my other kids are in that range but we do have some larger relatives. But he defintely has an emotional connection to food too. He almost has his eyes closed because he is enjoying his food so much, and he is so engrossed in it. His table manners are not great, no matter how much I try to gently teach him. I can see why others would laugh at him or get nauseated, but when I watch him, my heart just hurts. I am very worried about health as well.

Very interesting thought about sleep apnea! He wakes up a lot, but I know he is also a fearful child. He will come check on us to make sure we're home and in bed (where else would we be???) and then will go right back to sleep. But he also snores quite a bit...

We have very similar rules about snack and juice, we all drink only water all week and I don't buy junky snacks, but he does eat school lunch and I have no control over what he is served there.

I also buy the childrens place pants, my biggest issue is Shabbos pants! He is short for his age, so like I mentioned, when I size up the crotch is way too long and the whole fit is just off. Where do you go for this?

Thanks again for all your help!

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:37 am

I have a husky son too, though younger. Just make healthy eating a family thing, no singling anyone out. Also, while it's important to instill healthy habits, a lot of this is genetic. My son has the same build as me and seems to have been gifted with the same issues that make weight a struggle. My other children- who are raised on the same diet, the same encouragement of healthy activity and eating and all that- are skinny. He is not his weight, a number on the scale does not define him. And if you are doing your part to keep him healthy, he will be healthy even if he's a bit heavy.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:42 am

amother wrote:

Thanks for sharing, I do the same thing as well, but he is not a bit heavy. At this point he is very heavy, and food is definitely a crutch for him. I feel like he just has no "I'm full" trigger that most people have. He wants to eat 20 minutes after a meal sometimes.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:47 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Thanks for chiming in. I do tell him he is handsome all the time, and hug and kiss him and tell him how cute I think he is. I wish the word fat was never mentioned here, but he only has sisters, younger and older who are sometimes saying "I look so fat in this" even though I never ever talk this way myself...I can't always control what they pick up from society.

I feel ashamed because I feel judged. I feel like people think I am not doing enough for him, and I often wonder if they're right. But I refuse to pressure him at all. I probably should start making him lunches, but I work full time and we already paid for the whole year in school lunch - not cheap!!! Maybe this is an excuse...

amother

Papaya

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:53 am

amother wrote:

I also buy the childrens place pants, my biggest issue is Shabbos pants! He is short for his age, so like I mentioned, when I size up the crotch is way too long and the whole fit is just off. Where do you go for this?

I'm in Lakewood. The sales man at His Place was so helpful in getting a suit that really fit and looked proper on his build. He looks great in it. alterations were expensive - like almost 1/2 the price of the suit - but typically my boys wear their suits a full year unless they have a growth spurt.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 11:54 am

amother wrote:

You may have a point here. He always complains about lack of friends, but socializes a lot! When I watch him play, kids really seem to like him. He is very, very sensitive and always feels like other kids are out to get him/making fun or the like. We do talk alot about friends and playmates, but he doesn't really feel like anything will help him. It is frustrating.

Thank you for saying that! I am not usually so needy and wouldn't generally take anything anyone says online seriously if they don't know me, but when I read your last line, I really felt so good!

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:03 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for the His Place recommendation. Probably gonna be a mad house this week, though. I wonder if I can even get him anything normal before Pesach. I think I'm gonna try here though. I already bought him a suit last week, but it needs to be returned because the fit is so bad. I almost wish I could afford a custom suit for him, although a new suit and massive alterations is probably a similar price.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:09 pm

Stars wrote:

Quote:

because his feet hurt

Did not read the rest of the replies but this stood out to me. Why do his feet hurt? Does he have flat feet? Is there something you can do about it?

No, his feet are not especially flat, though they are wide. I buy him really good shoes, although Shabbos shoes are always an issue. They are completely worn out after a few uses. Would love recommendations for sturdier Shabbos shoes too. He was wearing Venettini tie shoes because he loves that they look like "Tatty's shoes" but I don't think that was a great choice. They are trashed now in any case.

According to the pediatrician, his feet hurt because he is too heavy to support himself comfortably. Sad

amother

Papaya

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

It prob will be crazy - but you can see if you can grab a salesman or try to go right after school if possible, I find its a drop more quieter then Sad

. The price was not bad. The suit was about 109 - and they have nicely cut Husky sizes. Hemming the cuff and working with the waste was a big cost.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:24 pm

amother wrote:

Try shoe spot - but their prices went up - DH has wide feet and high instep that is hard to fit. I've done very well. I've found their prices went up (paid $85). We tried a new brand this time, but in general I find he does well in the shoes they sell - and they aren't so busy.
Venettini shoes in general are a more delicate shoe.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:34 pm

I'm in the same boat, thank you for starting this. Is anyone's else's dr super concerned? At his last check up the dr looked really really worried and told me he's very concerned and called the nutritionist and all. Just wondering if anyone else had the same experience?

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:34 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you so so much! You are very kind.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:36 pm

amother wrote:

My dr is concerned, and mentions healthy choices for the family and exercise etc. at every well visit, but he is adamant not to start any sort of real diet, program or regimen right now.

He says to keep an eye on it, get the family active, and encourage healthy choices for all. Easier said than done...

amother

Jade

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 1:32 pm

Carbs, sugar, and fake sugar, spur weight gain.

Fats from healthy food like nuts, butter, avocado, coconut, eggs, do not spur weight gain, and these are very filling and satisfying food.

Carbs, sugar, and fake sugar create food cravings.

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 1:46 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks. I am well aware. But those are the foods he likes most.