Super husky son | Imamother

SixOfWands

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 2:19 pm

amother wrote:

My son has gone from a bit round to really overweight. (Think 95 lbs. for an 8/9 year old.)

I have tried so many ideas. He hates moving because his feet hurt, and he's not great at sports. He thinks about food ALL day, and takes it very seriously, ie. is almost insulted if supper isn't ready when he comes home. Always asking me "what should I eat?" I offer healthy choices, but he eats tons! Doesn't really like junk, but definitely loves carbs like potato chips, challah etc.

He has a bit of a hard time socially because of it, is super sensitive etc.

I feel shame and guilt, but don't really know what else to do for him.,

As an aside, although it's a bit less of an issue, it's really, really hard to find him decent clothing, and he really cares about the way he looks. He's always telling me that he hates his cheeks and chin and I really hurt for him. Literally nothing fits, even in size husky I need to size him up and then the shoulders are too big and the crotch is too long etc. Desperate for any ideas!!!!!

OP, IMNSHO, you need to address a bunch of issues.

First, he sounds insecure. You need to work on that with him, because it may be a bigger issue than weight, and might even cause part of the weight issues. And I think that its great that you are trying so hard to get him clothes that make him look and feel good; it helps.

Next, if you can afford it, buy portion-controlled snacks. I like the small Blue Diamond almond packages, myself. They will help him control himself. If things are in a larger container, portion size tends to expand. (Chips are junk, BTW. Try popcorn instead.) Maybe he'll open a second package, but he'll think before doing it. Also think about starting to plate meals, so everyone has a serving. Seconds are available, but after firsts. So he is more aware of his eating.

Even if he doesn't like "sports," he can move. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Swim. Martial arts. Make it a family activity, so he's not singled out.

Does he own sneakers? I'd guess they'd be most comfortable for him. Get something with lots of cushioning. Or try insoles.

petiteruchy

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 2:57 pm

You sound like you're doing a good job with it. I said everything in the other thread, but seriously, it's not a moral failing to be fat. Everyone likes fat and sugar. They taste good, they trip all sorts of triggers in our brains. Liking the taste of foods isn't bad either. One way you could channel his interests is to encourage him to learn to cook. There are some cooking shows (even a MasterChef Junior series) that he might enjoy and be inspired by. If he learns to cook and channel his love of food and flavors into a creative pursuit, it could give him an outlet that isn't about consuming the food.

Tell your ped to take a hike on the hurting feet thing. That's stupid. Unfortunately a lot of doctors are very out of date in their understanding of nutrition, and there is a lot of research on doctors ignoring the complaints of fat people because of their weight. There is no excuse to not explore his pain further, especially since he needs movement more than he needs calorie counting. Insist on a specialist appointment.

Encourage him to explore low impact sports like swimming until his foot pain is resolved. Expose him to role models who have a heavy build but are strong and active ( rugby players, etc).

It's so ingrained in us, but try try try to be positive about his weight and build. Fat is not the worst thing in the world. It's much better to be a heavy person with a positive and resilient self image, than to be thinner but constantly battling your weight and beating yourself up for your failures. Especially if you happen to be one of the people where your size is truly genetically determined.

Everyone should eat healthy food, enjoy vegetables and get lots of daily movement. He needs those things, but they may have no bearing on his ultimate weight or build.

SixOfWands

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 3:06 pm

amother wrote:

Don't have time to get everything now, but amother jade is correct. This has been the growing consensus among the scientific community for the last 5 years at least, if not longer. Decades of the prevailing orthodoxy has been debunked and there has even been a conspiracy within the sugar indistry uncovered (that story was covered by NYT, this is not coming from Alex Jones).

Sorry. An anonymous person online isn't a peer-reviewed journal.

Hint. There isn't one that says that.

Those things are all fattening.

Because they're also healthful and filling, they can be part of a healthful diet. And they may even be less "fattening" than other things with the same calorie count, as it appears that not all calories are equal. But if you eat a lot of nuts and avocados, you're going to gain weight.

33055

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 3:42 pm

petiteruchy wrote:

According to NPR 70% of the chiefs are overweight, so OP this is not where I would steer him - at least until he has his eating under control.

OP, my son was overweight at your son's age. We bought his pants at Sears. We bought husky for the waist and had the crotch and rear tailored to fit him. Of course the legs had to be shortened. While my son is on the tall side, the pants were made for someone older.

You said a couple of things that caught my attention.

When my son was around the age of your son, we started healthier eating in the house. I replaced white rice with whole grain, white bread with whole wheat, one of the challahs with whole wheat and elevated to Mom's special challah that was a privilege for the kids to eat.

I started plating the food 1/2 vegetables, 1/4 protein, and 1/4 carbs. I replaced meat with fish twice a week and really upped my cooked vegetable game. Meanwhile, I instituted exercise for the kids. Since I exercise, they had a role model. There was no conversation regarding this.

I also limited Shabbos treats to one piece of mazones for breakfast with healthy alternatives offered. This week, I had cut up fruit and a selection of mixed berries.

This worked for a bit. Then he got older and had access to food outside the house and started gaining drastically. My only overt interference was when I told him because of his health issues, he is going to a nutritionist.

I met with him and his nutritionist at his request and then left the room. He kept a journal for one month. I told him that I will not look. It is for him only. Nothing happened the first month. But after the second month, he started talking to me about healthy choices. I mentioned portion control when he asked me why I plate the food the way I do. I let him lead the whole time except for the initial appointment.

BH his waist went down 5 sizes. He went from obese to medium. He also shot up a couple of inches. We dropped the nutritionist a few months later because he didn't need to go anymore; although, I would gladly have continued. The way he is blossoming is amazing. The best part is that he owns the control of what goes in his mouth. He doesn't binge.

33055

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 4:16 pm

amother wrote:

Squishy, can I ask how old your son was when you took him to the nutritionist? I was thinking about this for my ds, but I can't imagine him taking charge of his own food! He's 9.

He was older. He was almost 13. I wish I could show up before and after photos. His face is so much slimmer. He is also more confident.

For your 9 year old make sure you buy him clothes more often then you would for a thinner child. It is so important for his self esteem.

9 is not too young to start modelling good eating. They are aware of how they present. Ask your pediatrician if he thinks 9 is too young for the nutritionist. It is also easier to introduce healthier choices at that age.

We have heavy people on DH's side, but they have atrocious eating habits, so I am not sure what is genetically predisposed or the result of environment.

pond user

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 6:23 pm

A little off topic-or maybe on I don't know; why are the schools allowing popcorn and chips? Why are all the other kids bringing in junk?

I live in the UK so it may be a little different but the school I attended in London and the others around never allowed junk food (MO, Chabad, public schools etc). You could bring in veggie sticks, fruit, healthy crackers, cheese and nuts. Junk food is not accepted by anyone! It's confiscated and tossed and I can't remember an instance where anyone snuck in junk food. Even cereals in small cartons are not accepted. Certainly not juice boxes. Your thirsty? You drink from the water fountain. I am flabbergasted at this mentality.

Maybe discuss with the school to have a healthy eating policy to help your son (and I'm sure others)...?

ETA, I'm not saying the primary reason for being overweight is the snacks at school. It could be a whole host of reasons: gluten intolerance, thyroid issues, gut health etc but the school which is supposed to help educate our children should really be helping to educate on keeping our bodies healthy.

33055

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 6:42 pm

pond user wrote:

Popcorn is pretty innocuous.

The real culprits are the rebbe rewards. They reward with soda and candy. In elementary school, my son earned approximately one sugar junk item a day - 6 days a week. He had a whole shelf filled with sodas.

amother

Gray

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 6:54 pm

amother wrote:

I have tried so many ideas. He hates moving because his feet hurt, and he's not great at sports. He thinks about food ALL day, and takes it very seriously, ie. is almost insulted if supper isn't ready when he comes home. Always asking me "what should I eat?" I offer healthy choices, but he eats tons! Doesn't really like junk, but definitely loves carbs like potato chips, challah etc.

He has a bit of a hard time socially because of it, is super sensitive etc.

amother wrote:

But he defintely has an emotional connection to food too. He almost has his eyes closed because he is enjoying his food so much, and he is so engrossed in it. His table manners are not great, no matter how much I try to gently teach him. I can see why others would laugh at him or get nauseated, but when I watch him, my heart just hurts. I am very worried about health as well.

This is the root of the problem, and his weight issues will not be solved until the emotional issues are dealt with. It sounds like he is using food to soothe himself and is obsessing on having it available and eating it. No amount of education, portion control, or eliminating junk food is going to address this, and may in fact make him feel worse.

I have been through this myself as have friends of mine. Those of us who dealt with our issues were able to control our food addiction, stop overeating, lose weight, and maintain a healthy weight. Those that have not dealt with their issues are staying obese or continuously gaining.

I think a therapist with experience in this area will be very helpful. Don't just take him to see any psychiatrist, get recommendations and interview them to make sure that they know what they're doing.

Definitely work on the other physical issues, too, as they need to be addressed in and of themselves for his health (and are also likely contributing to the overeating).

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 7:41 pm

Squishy wrote:

I hear. I've been toying with the idea of a nutritionist but wondering how effective it would be for him. I eat pretty healthfully, but dh eats horribly.

The problem with this particular ds is he's way picky, for sensory reasons. He'll gag and vomit. (He gets OT). And then he gets crazy amounts of nosh in school.

I was thinking maybe a nutritionist can help him come up with balanced choices that are healthy and acceptable to him, but I'm not sure he's ready to take responsibility on his own.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 9:47 pm

I'm embarrassed to write this but gonna take the plunge

You may want to hit the pause button on managing his diet nutritionally... though it sounds counter intuitive to today's way of thinking you can be doing him (!) and yourself a great disservice for life by putting him in a diet mentality instead of an intuitive eating one.

I say this from a position of being an adult who has to relearn how to eat from hunger and not emotions (and I'm pretty slim!!) while being forced to understand it on a deeper level to coach my daughter (who sounds like your son over the past year she gained SO MUCH) into addressing deeper emotional/confidence issues without food to cope.

Please please please you can always put him on diets for the rest of his life if you feel you must. You only have one childhood to approach this issue this way and give him a gift of a lifetime. It is so hard for me to learn it as an adult and I hope hope hope to be able to help my daughter...

(btw my pediatrician was not much help in this area - and the following books have TONS of peer reviewed stuff if I'm not mistaken)

The nutritionist Dena Cohen in Lakewood (Roselle Ct) specializes in this approach. I think I tried 3-4 nutritionists but when I spoke with her I was nearly in tears afterward from how it shook me up and offered me hope. I've never looked back since.

You can also try reading (her recommendations, I'm getting through them slowly and they are life changing and its terrifying how much)

Your child's weight: helping without hindering - Ellyn Satter, MS RD LCSW BCD
how to raise a healthy eater maryann jacobsen

can't remember the rest offhand but certainly Satter's books are lavishly qualified and crucial.

33055

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 10:09 pm

amother wrote:

My DH is extremely active and eats junk, so he is in good shape even with nosh. My son's nutritionist explained to me keeping junk in the house is like having alcohol available to an alcoholic, and we make sacrifices for those we love. I am generally extremely easy going, but I put my foot down about having this garbage in the house until my son could own his own food intake.

I don't think a 9 year old is ready to take in full responsibility like my son does, but I think he can be brought on board though education and being given controlled choices. I have another child who is not as responsible as my son for various reasons. I give that DC limited choices. I will ask DC what are your plans for lunch. And DC knows healthy food goes before cookies. So that DC has a Chinese menu - pick one healthy entree and one side, then you can choose a cookie. If that DC is selecting cookies too often, I may suggest cut up apples or oranges, but the final choice belongs to DC. This DC is not overweight, but I want DC to learn to make healthy choices before there is a problem.