Told neighbor kid he wasn't allowed at our house. Wrong?

amother

Copper

Sat, Apr 15 2017, 11:50 pm

Okay, so the neighbor kid is 3 yrs older than my kid. He's like 13 now. We moved across the street from this kid about 4 or 5 yrs ago and he and my DS would play outside together. Several months ago based on comments my DS had made off hand, I figured out that the neighbor kid was talking to my kid about what he watches on the internet (uh, [filth]...) and he was talking about pleasuring. I have since banned my DS from having any contact with this kid. I never really liked the idea of them together anyway. What 13 yr old enjoys playing with a 10 yr old? The last time I saw the kid several months ago, I sent him home and told him my DS is not available. I was pretty unwelcoming to him but didn't outright say "And don't ever come back".

So today, being nice weather, my DS sees the kid across the street who then starts up a conversation with my kid. The two are kinda yelling back and forth because my kid is not allowed to go to his house. The neighbor kid then comes walking over to our yard as if he is just going to pick up where he left off or something.

So, I tell him he is not allowed here. He looks at me like I have two heads and then turns around and walks back across the street to his house.

I never really confronted his parents about all this as I thought it was made quite clear several months ago to this kid that he wasn't welcome at our place anymore. And I figured, at some point this neighbor kid will get a life and not even want to come over anyway.

They both ride the bus to school together but I know neither of them talk to each other on the bus.

What should I do? Anything?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 12:07 am

מים גנובים ימתקו...
If you will forbid him to play with him. He will play with him behind your back which is worse. Rather he can be in your house so you can watch him from close up.
If he really is watching [filth] then its not so simple.
Also I am sure he taught him the facts of life. In this case you tell him that he can ask you any questions regarding the topic. Some people would send the kid to a guy who teaches terahas hamishpacha topics to explain it to the kid. Its very scary I know countless of stories that boys were taught about s*x under 15 years old and they messed themselves up and their families. Take care of it before it is too late.

seeker

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 12:49 am

IMHO I think you did pretty much the right thing so far. There's no reason to let your 10-year-old have contact with a 13-year-old who is likely to be a negative influence. However I think you should also do something more proactive to make sure your DS has a solid grounding in the area of healthy relationships and healthy sx-ed given that he already had questionable contact with this boy. I'm also not sure how you know so surely that they are not talking to each other on the bus.

simcha2

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 5:55 am

I think you did the right thing in the wrong way. Maybe your son misunderstood something. Even he didn't, taking a kid he isn't welcome is pretty harsh. Imagine it was your son and another parent tells him, you can't play here. You're not welcome, and he had no idea why. How crushing.

Better to teach your son boundaries.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 7:42 am

amother wrote:

I should hope most boys are taught about s-c before 15 years old!!!

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 8:31 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I should hope most boys are taught about s-c before 15 years old!!!

You probably are younger than me by ten years so you don't know what this world is all about so I recommend you be quiet. No boy or girl should know about sx before 18. I found out when I was very young and it robbed my innocence and youth. Also any boy who I know that found out before 15 messed up their life and some of their sisters too. Don't tell the op how to raise her kids.

SixOfWands

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:55 am

amother wrote:

I do not know a single person, child, teen, young adult, middle aged or elderly, who was not aware of the facts of life well before adolescence. Its is beyond ridiculous to suggest that being aware of a fundamental facet of life before age 18 -- an age at which even the most right wing people may start dating, and an age at which the secular world has been dating for years -- is somehow harmful. I cannot imagine the dangers of sending my children off to schools and jobs and yeshivas and seminaries and camps without this basic knowledge.

I'm sorry for your "robbed" youth and innocence. Maybe you should get yourself some therapy to deal with it, before possibly harming your own kids.

amother

Copper

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:56 am

OP here. Thank you for all the responses. To answer a previous poster's question, I know my DS does not converse with this kid on the bus because my DD also rides the same bus and I asked her. The boys sit separately and have separate friends. I also know, per my DD, that the neighbor kid is often talking about inappropriate subjects, using swear words frequently. He is just not a good influence.

I suppose after the chag, I will go talk to his parents and explain why he is not allowed to play with my DS anymore.

amother

Tan

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:58 am

amother wrote:

It's nice to live in a little bubble now, isn't it? Realistically, most kids know before that age. I learned late in about 6th grade. I don't know anyone that was damaged by the information but do know people who were damaged by not knowing what the feelings they had were or what was happening to their body. I also know someone who only found out when she was close to 30 as an older kallah and that is pretty damaging to someone, especially when they are that much older when they get married, to find out at that point in their lives. People should know it's normal to be attracted to others. They should feel desire for this. Living a sheltered life and then suddenly finding out the gory details can be quite damaging and destroy marriages.

moonstone

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 11:24 am

amother wrote:

You probably are younger than me by ten years so you don't know what this world is all about so I recommend you be quiet. No boy or girl should know about sx before 18 . I found out when I was very young and it robbed my innocence and youth. Also any boy who I know that found out before 15 messed up their life and some of their sisters too. Don't tell the op how to raise her kids.

Thank you for my laugh of the day. That's the funniest thing I've read online in a while. BTW, what's the address of the cave you live in that is completely cut off from the outside world? That's the only way to keep kids from finding out about zexx. And even that won't work.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry for your experience, but all the people I know knew about s-x well before 18 and all of us turned out just fine bH. I cant imagine kids these days not knowing until the age of 18 unless they're in a very strict, closed minded chassides.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 12:02 pm

amother wrote:

Lol.

I have no idea how old you are but you sound like a naive child. Bh, everyone in my world finds out about s-x well before 15 and we're all just fine.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

Do we live on the same planet? You know "countless stories of boys taught about sx and ended up messing themselves up and their families". Please explain. Your comment at face value is entirely nonsensical. Practically EVERY boy by 15 has learned about sx.

tichellady

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 1:26 pm

I can't imagine forbidding a kid from coming into my house because of that. It seems really harsh and cruel to me. I think you can tell him that you don't want him talking about certain things and keep an eye on them, but saying that he can't even come in your house, seems really wrong to me. He sounds like a lonely kid who can use a good friend.

Notsobusy

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

In her world there is no discussion about s*x until at least 18, but once they're adults then they have open discussions about when they found out about it and how it affected them Rolling Eyes

little neshamala

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:47 pm

Finding out about zex is SOOO different from being told about what [filth] hes seen, and pleasuring himself.

I wouldnt be too bothered by my child finding out about zex from the neighbors kid. Its bound to happen somehow.

But I would be very bothered by him getting a whole slew of [filth]/pleasuring himself education.

Op I think you have the right idea

cnc

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 4:34 pm

amother wrote:

Before 18??
Hmm that would be a problem for me as I started Kallah classes before that .

Couldn't resist LOL

Although I found your post pretty shocking . That would mean that most of my immediate friends / relatives etc...have messed up lives, but that doesn't seem to be the case from what I see.