Am I a bad mom? | Imamother

Maya

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:00 pm

I would like to send my son to playgroup after Succos, when he'll be about 21 months. I am doing it because he is bored out of his mind, and desperately cries for company all day long. My husband and I think that this is the right thing to do now.

Since I am not working and do not have another child, I am being bashed by friends and family for doing it. But I really have only the baby's interest in mind, not myself.

I will probably still send him anyway, I am just wondering if anyone also thinks that it's a bad thing.

yersp

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:07 pm

As they say: mother knows best!! You shouldnt listen to what other people are telling you. I'm sending my two year old also after Succos I"YH, and everyone is making me crazy what I plan on doing all those hours that he'll be in playgroup.
You go right ahead and send him if you feel thats the best for him!! Good Luck!!
Remember, you're not living for other people, you do whats good for you!

Dini

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:19 pm

ditto, u do what you think is best, I also sent my son to school at 21 months and people were saying that he is very young which I agreed but I was working so it was either school or the babysitter so school it was. But really people just talk you don't have to listen to them.

Mimisinger

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:23 pm

Quote:

do whats good for you!

Even more than that - do what's good for your son! If you think that he needs a playgroup, put him in a playgroup.

However, on another note, think about the options if you're interested. You could get together with different friends on a daily basis so you both can get socialization, you can go to the library for the mommy and me reading groups. You don't have to put him in a playgroup all day every day, there are options. I'm of course, not saying you shouldn't, but you can look at options that allow him socialization and you to be with ds. What about just a morning playgroup?

Maya

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:28 pm

I have thought about other things to do, but am pretty much stuck.

All of my friends are working with their kids by babysitters; he can play with my neighbor's kid, but I am embarrased to send him every day.

songbliss

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:30 pm

please do not listen to anyones advice. I too would feel bad the same way as you, but in the end of the day you do what you feel is best for your baby.

just btw you should find something to do with yourself if you are going to send him, b/c of 2 reasons.
1. you may start feeling bored + lonely
2. your dh might feel annoyed that your sending him and your home all day doing nothing etc... its natural that that happens sadly even the best men who will never say a word about it feel a bit like that (especially if your house isn't spotless.... eeeven if he's not picky about cleaning..) sorry speaking from experience Very Happy

anyways back to the topic, you should do what you feel is best and thats it!

Maya

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:36 pm

Song, you are right that I need something to do; I"m looking into it.

It's interesting that you should mention my husband, with him getting annoyed, especially if the house is not clean. You described the situation exactly. I hate to clean, and if the baby is in playgroup, I will have no excuse to have a messy house.

stem

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 9:37 pm

Maybe you could send him for a morning playgroup twice a week and make playdates or go on errands together the other days? I did that with my 2 year old and I found it was the perfect combination.

shlumzmum

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 10:08 pm

do whatever you want to do and you will see that once he will start going to playgroup you will take much more care of the house cuz you will be bored (unless you will sit here on imamother a whole day, lol)

I sent mine to the playgroup at 2 cuz I worked but I have a friend who sent her son to playgroup cuz she wanted to have more time for herself and the house and every person needs it.

happymom

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 10:26 pm

Quote:

Since I am not working and do not have another child, I am being bashed by friends and family for doing it. But I really have only the baby's interest in mind, not myself.

No I dont think your a bad mother. but I do think that there are things you can do with your son so that he isnt bored! If you decide to send him to a GOOD playgroup and he has attention, and its not more then two three hours, and he loves it then no there isnt anything wrong.

if u want some ideas of keeping him home with u and not being bored feel free to pm me. I stayed with my daughter till she was 26 months and loved it. I sent her to school this year, shes two and a half and very ready, well adjusted and she loves it..... anyways goodluck and follow ure gut. dont listen to others/

lubcoralsprings

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 10:42 pm

I wasn't sure if I was going to send DS to school and he is 2.5. I struggled with what to do since he is my baby and I love him. I decided to send him because DH was insistent that he go. He's a very social kid and DH thought I was limiting him by keeping home. Guess what??? He loves it. WHen I drop him off in the morning he tells me, "Mommy you leave, I stay with Morah." So it goes to show you "the proof is in the pudding." He's happy and loves it so I made a good choice. Don't worry about what people tell you. Many people have asked me when I am going to get a job because now that I have three kids in school I "must be bored at home." The truth be told, I have never been more busy. I find my day a lot more productive and I can get all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning done before the kids come home from school. It's a big Mechaya, or relief!

Maya

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 10:43 pm

There is a twice a week option, but only for a month. After that, I gotta send him full time. That's from about 10-3.

There are other playgroups in the community, but the one I'm sending to is on my block. It's convenient because this way I don't have to wait for a bus yet, and can take him in my own time.

Nikki

Thu, Sep 20 2007, 11:32 pm

Do what is good for you. I send my older daughter out at two bec. I had a baby at home that just wanted to be held a whole day. In the beginning I felt so guilty that my DH and I said that we would pick her up early. By the second week she loved it that I ended up sending her every day until two. She gained so much and learned a lot that now we laugh how we were afraid to send her. Sometimes in the morning I would send her late if she slept late. I didn't wake her up to go to school and if I wanted to go away for the day I would take her out. You could do that too, just pay for full time but you don't have to send her full time.

Maya

Fri, Sep 21 2007, 9:22 am

ChavieK wrote:

If your friends have their kids at babysitters why are they giving you a hard time?

Their kids are by babysitters because they are working. I don't have that excuse. But my baby wants it.

Tefila

Fri, Sep 21 2007, 12:58 pm

Quote:

would like to send my son to playgroup after Succos, when he'll be about 21 months. I am doing it because he is bored out of his mind, and desperately cries for company all day long.

Then go out and make playdates and do stuff with him Confused

. Sorry but I personally think if you were working, or your child was older then why farm him out somewhere else even if good, and even if for a whole day. Sad

I work with 3 yr olds and I see the daycare for 21mnths next door and I tell u no it's a downright pity that some of those babies are there when really they shouldn't have to share attention and learn to be independant so young. If a mother works I understand there's no choice but if she doesn't and is healthy and no stress in her life then I feel it's might wrong Crying

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 21 2007, 1:06 pm

I am already searching for Jewish playgroups where the mom can stay (I need to meet other frum moms lol) for my dd, so yes I think socialization is good and you're not a bad mother. And I don't want the non Jewish neighbour's kid to be her only friend later, so yeah.