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6 year old dd cries over everything, tantrums, mean etc

 
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amother




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Post  Fri, May 05 2017, 6:16 pm
I really need advice and direction... More in the practical way than theoretical or spiritual.
There's a huge amount of info, but I'm on my cell before Shabbos and don't have tons of time... Anyway....
Over the past year and half my DD has developed a very reactive temper. She can be very nice and pleasant then the smallest thing can make her rage. Temper tantrums, in your face annoying everyone. Not listening.
Saying that she definitely has a sensory issues that I more recently came to realize and has pinworms on and off, plus has irritation by her privates. She's developed anxiety over a few things as well.
I've taken her to an OT, but I think she needs a different one, that one wasn't much help. She's seen a gynecologist, not either helping the situation. She started therapy and I hope that helps.
We are just getting so frustrated with her at the same time feeling so very sorry for her! She's in pain discomfort, whatever....she can't deal and takes it out on everyone else!
Any practical advice please????
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yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Fri, May 05 2017, 6:21 pm
She is obviously not feeling well. And kids, especially this young, just aren't themselves when they don't feel well.
Just show her you live her, give her hugs and kisses. And validate her feelings. Now is not a time to discipline/teach anything. She needs to feel better, and that iyh will solve the misbehavior.

It's very hard when kids are that way, but keep telling yourself "this too shall pass" and know that it iyh really will pass sooner than you think, as time really flies. So hang in there, and have a wonderful shabbos.
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Fri, May 05 2017, 6:31 pm
Although you haven't gotten to the bottom of the cause as of yet, She obviously has anxiety to some degree.
It's okay that you are exhausted and feel depleted from her constant tantrums. Try to recharge yourself take shifts with your husband taking care of her etc.
Anxious children need much more holding/hugging/caressing than anyone else.
Try to hold her right while she tantrums.
Sometimes it's easiest to take a walk with the anxious child rather than trying to calm them down in the house.
I hope you have a nice Shabbos!
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yogabird




 
 
 


Post  Sat, May 06 2017, 11:19 pm
Have you had her tested for PANDAS?

Also, what is the nature of the irritation by her privates? If it's yeast, or fungus, that can indicate poor gut health, which can cause all those neurological symptoms you're describing. Same for the pinworms really.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 11:53 am
yogabird wrote:
Have you had her tested for PANDAS?

Also, what is the nature of the irritation by her privates? If it's yeast, or fungus, that can indicate poor gut health, which can cause all those neurological symptoms you're describing. Same for the pinworms really.

Answering last first... She was tested numerous times for strep, fungus yeast etc always negative.
The pinworms don't seem to ever go away completely... Plus she's always putting things in her mouth, especially her fingers.
Thanks for your time and ideas!
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 11:55 am
crust wrote:
Although you haven't gotten to the bottom of the cause as of yet, She obviously has anxiety to some degree.
It's okay that you are exhausted and feel depleted from her constant tantrums. Try to recharge yourself take shifts with your husband taking care of her etc.
Anxious children need much more holding/hugging/caressing than anyone else.
Try to hold her right while she tantrums.
Sometimes it's easiest to take a walk with the anxious child rather than trying to calm them down in the house.
I hope you have a nice Shabbos!

Thanks so much, it was chizuk when we needed it. Bh Shabbos was good and we dealt with things a lot better. Hope we can keep it up!
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 12:00 pm
yksraya wrote:
She is obviously not feeling well. And kids, especially this young, just aren't themselves when they don't feel well.
Just show her you live her, give her hugs and kisses. And validate her feelings. Now is not a time to discipline/teach anything. She needs to feel better, and that iyh will solve the misbehavior.

It's very hard when kids are that way, but keep telling yourself "this too shall pass" and know that it iyh really will pass sooner than you think, as time really flies. So hang in there, and have a wonderful shabbos.

Thanks! Thinking it's going to pass does help a bit, but it's also been going on for over a year and effecting the other kids as well!
She also does not deal well with affection when she's having a fit...
Also, how do we just let misbehavior go by (even while knowing she's in pain) when it teaches my other kids it's ok to misbehave???
We do try to let things slide, but it's a slippery slope.
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yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 12:21 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks! Thinking it's going to pass does help a bit, but it's also been going on for over a year and effecting the other kids as well!
She also does not deal well with affection when she's having a fit...
Also, how do we just let misbehavior go by (even while knowing she's in pain) when it teaches my other kids it's ok to misbehave???
We do try to let things slide, but it's a slippery slope.

Your kids quite well know that the kind behavior is not acceptable. if "they" try to copy it, you should not let it slide. But while a kid is in distress, no reasoning can help, and it can only backfire.

Also, make sure to get all the help you need, and give yourself enough "me time" not to get burned out. A little bit of self care and rest, can give you strength to deal with it all over again till iyh you find the source of the problem and it gets treated b"eh.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 12:22 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks! Thinking it's going to pass does help a bit, but it's also been going on for over a year and effecting the other kids as well!
She also does not deal well with affection when she's having a fit...
Also, how do we just let misbehavior go by (even while knowing she's in pain) when it teaches my other kids it's ok to misbehave???
We do try to let things slide, but it's a slippery slope.


Get a prescription for Vermox, and treat everyone in the house. Repeat according to the doctor's directions. Keep a supply on hand for any new cases of worms. The sooner you treat, the better your chances of keeping them from coming back.

For the behavior, you can stand back and say "I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. You seem very upset about this (whatever it is). BUT it's no OK to hit (throw things, whatever she's doing that's bad.)" Say it calmly and gently, but be firm. The other kids will hear you being compassionate, but at the same time they will hear you telling her that it is NOT OK to do what she's doing.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 3:06 pm
I hate to suggest this, but if her privates are irritated and she's recently started behaving differently, perhaps you might have to consider abuse. I'd ask a mental health professional for guidance.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 8:44 pm
amother wrote:
I hate to suggest this, but if her privates are irritated and she's recently started behaving differently, perhaps you might have to consider abuse. I'd ask a mental health professional for guidance.

I know it's hard to say and suggest, unfortunately it seems too common 😓, but we've checked that route too. In a few ways... All negative bh!
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 8:51 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
Get a prescription for Vermox, and treat everyone in the house. Repeat according to the doctor's directions. Keep a supply on hand for any new cases of worms. The sooner you treat, the better your chances of keeping them from coming back.

For the behavior, you can stand back and say "I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. You seem very upset about this (whatever it is). BUT it's no OK to hit (throw things, whatever she's doing that's bad.)" Say it calmly and gently, but be firm. The other kids will hear you being compassionate, but at the same time they will hear you telling her that it is NOT OK to do what she's doing.

With regards to the vermox, both her pediatrician and gynecologist both say it's the same strength as over the counter med. They say insurance won't cover it anymore for that reason.
Regarding our reactions and responses to her behavior, we have definitely tried saying and implying all that. It doesn't seem to be working. She rejects everything at that moment and will act up till she calms down. Plus the other kids ARE copying her... I feel like I have lost a handle on my house... I know I am a good mother with hash-em's help, but it doesn't seem to translate to my kids behavior.
So, then I have lots of moments thinking we are doing everything wrong!! Saying that, we are definitely not perfect parents, nor I a perfect mother- far from it! We slip and do the wrong thing often. But we keep trying! Maybe it's the slip ups they remember??
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 11:11 pm
amother wrote:
I know it's hard to say and suggest, unfortunately it seems too common 😓, but we've checked that route too. In a few ways... All negative bh!


Glad to hear!!!
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yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 07 2017, 11:49 pm
amother wrote:
With regards to the vermox, both her pediatrician and gynecologist both say it's the same strength as over the counter med. They say insurance won't cover it anymore for that reason.
Regarding our reactions and responses to her behavior, we have definitely tried saying and implying all that. It doesn't seem to be working. She rejects everything at that moment and will act up till she calms down. Plus the other kids ARE copying her... I feel like I have lost a handle on my house... I know I am a good mother with hash-em's help, but it doesn't seem to translate to my kids behavior.
So, then I have lots of moments thinking we are doing everything wrong!! Saying that, we are definitely not perfect parents, nor I a perfect mother- far from it! We slip and do the wrong thing often. But we keep trying! Maybe it's the slip ups they remember??

Oy, pls don't think of yourself badly. This situation causes chaos and all your kids feel it, thus they act out. Know that iyh as soon as the situation is fixed (right treatment/meds) it will get back to normal and they will all iyh settle down. Take it one day at a time (no, one min at a time!!) soon soon it will be just a memmory. You can do it! Hang in there!
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