Does the benefit of the kids justify breaking family values

seeker

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 3:40 pm

I grew up going to the country and didn't see it as any kind of family values issue. My father had a full-time job and we didn't see all that much of him during the week anyway. But when he came up to the country for Shabbos+Sunday I think we had even more quality time together than we did on weekends in the city. And it meant a lot to us that he did all that traveling to be there - we really got to appreciate having a Dad when we'd think about how he worked hard all week and then took a really long drive to spend the weekend with us. It helped that he really enjoyed the country, too - some guys are really not into it and then maybe it's worse for that family because the husband/father is going to feel grudging about the whole thing - the expense, the travel, the missing family, all for something he doesn't perceive as worthwhile.

Maybe times and family values have changed... but I know that the men, women, and children I knew growing up all forged their strongest and longest-lasting relationships in the bungalow colony. You're not depriving your family if you don't do it, if it's not for you, if you can't afford it, if you don't like it or if you and your husband miss each other too much. But if it DOES work for you, then there's no reason to get thrown off by naysayers who just don't get it.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 8:13 pm

I've been taking my family to a bungalow colony the last couple of years. Both dh and I felt very strongly that we should do this for our children as we both felt the bungalow colony was our favorite childhood memories. (Re father-children relationships, personally, the excitement of running to Totty, who'd arrive with bagfuls of treats and then spending quality time with him over the weekend walking along the lake and hiking together are among my fondest childhood memories.) Re sb, having gone as an adult, I found that if anything it strengthens our shalom bayis as we share our longing for each other and then reunite each weekend.

And instead of going straight home after work, dh goes to teh bais midrash where he learns for hours on end. For him the summer is more spiritual.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 8:52 pm

I started going to the country about 6 years ago, when I had my 3rd. At first I thought like you how can I leave Dh all week? But the truth is he travels for work very often so he's anyways not home. And at home my kids miss him and see how all the other fathers are home Sad

. So going to the country we're like everyone else! And when Dh comes up for weekends he really gets to relax with sports, pool, family time, etc. that he can't do at home since he's always so busy.