Overweight child steals food

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Oak

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:22 am

amother wrote:

I'm sure everyone here will be furious at my response but here goes. Perhaps she doesn't even grasp the dangers involved in being diabetic. I have a friend whose sister lost her life in her low 20's due to diabetes and know orhers who have lost limbs etc...maybe a factual discussion about the dangers, by her doc will help....
Hatzlacha to you both

I remember the pediatrician telling my 15 year old prediabetic brother of all the above possible dangers he puts himself in by not following the diet. Other than causing him to eat yet another bag of Ostreicher cookies or going to the restaurant yet again without telling mama, who painstakingly cooked and prepared healthy diatetic foods ... it really didnt help.
He loves food and uses it for many reasons.

He now has the lap band but he never tightens it. The core issue (feeling micro-mangaed by parents, feeling controlled worthless etc) was never treated.

fbmommy

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:27 am

How about a program like OA, which deals with the underlying unhealthy relationship with food?

amother

Brunette

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:48 am

fbmommy wrote:

How about a program like OA, which deals with the underlying unhealthy relationship with food?

OA is a very harmful program. I would never send a teenager there.

crust

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:52 am

amother wrote:

OA is a very harmful program. I would never send a teenager there.

Especially not one with disordered eating.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:53 am

amother wrote:

OA is a very harmful program. I would never send a teenager there.

Harmful how?

amother

Maroon

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:56 am

crust wrote:

Especially not one with disordered eating.

OA davka is a program for people that can't control their food or any type of disordered eating.

Amarante

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:12 am

I think you need to stop making the foods she eats separately. I don't understand why the whole family isn't eating the same things.

If she is just overweight and or pre diabetic, I think such a restrictive diet is counter productive and is going to inevitably lead to binges. Why does it have to be so restrictive and even within restrictions, why isn't the whole family eating it. Everyone can benefit from eating healthy. There is stuff like cauliflower pizza crust which is fabulous for example.

Losing weight for anyone is very hard and impossible unless the motivation is internal especially if one is 16.

I didn't have health issues as a teen but I was zaftig. My parents weren't but they were starting to get middle aged spread so the whole family changed eating habits. It was done really for me but it certainly wouldn't have worked if I was eating something separate from what everyone else was eating.

There are loads of recipes for delicious food that is healthy. Others in the family can have larger portions of the same food if necessary but there is no reason everyone shouldn't be eating lean protein, veggies, salad and healthy whole carbs.

Is she buying food and bringing it home or is she eating food that is around the house. Just don't have chips or cookies or cakes in the home. There is no reason for anyone to be eating them regularly. If they aren't in the house, no one is tempted. Better for all. If you have little kids who absolutely need snacks, then get small snack bags or have popcorn instead of high fat/high sugar stuff around which is more tempting. I am old enough so that this kind of stuff wasn't around the house to be eaten everyday. Cakes and ice cream were for special occasions. Chips were bought once a week if at all and we would treat them as a little party because we would get chips and a soda. Soda also was saved for special occasions except during the summer 😀 When we could have one soda a day and one ice cream. 😀😀

I don't know how this doctor or psychologist thinks putting a 16 year old on a highly restricted diet while having the rest of the family continue to eat the tempting forbidden stuff is not going to result in failure and binging inevitably. It's a recipe designed to lead to a lifetime of disordered eating patterns IMHO.

crust

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:15 am

amother wrote:

OA davka is a program for people that can't control their food or any type of disordered eating.

It can push her to the other end. Ask an ED expert.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:22 am

crust wrote:

It can push her to the other end. Ask an ED expert.

I don't know about all OA meetings, but the people who attended the one I went to had SUCH rigid meal plans. This one lady told me if I wanted her as a "sponsor" I would have to rid all sugar and white flour from my diet. It was black and white thinking from many of the people who attended.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:25 am

amother wrote:

EXTREMELY rigid. OA folks are the ones you see at weddings with their scale weighing the lettuce. And talking about it NON-stop. It creates an obsession.

And everyone gains the weight back and more immediately as soon as they go off.

It's all-consuming, unhealthy, and obsessive.

crust

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:29 am

amother wrote:

Nu? That's what I was trying to say with pushing her to the other end.
From overeating to undereating.
From loving food to being afraid of food.

OA will not get to the root cause of her problem.

Amarante

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:32 am

OA is also different because people choose it because they have internally reached a point where they realize their eating is out of control in much the same way alcolics going to AA reach rock bottom. They surrender to a higher power.

It may or may not work for everyone but it certainly isn't going to work if someone is imposing in another person.

I've never done OA but I actually find that within reason, it's much easier for me to eat healthily and lose and maintain weight loss if I do have certain prohibitions. It's easier for me to basically nit have cake, fried foods etc because after I go withitut for awhile, I get out of the habit of wanting. Of course, this is all internal to me and my restrictions are more like no cake unless it is absolutely fabulous and then enjoy a small amount. I had some tiramisu last week shared by four women and it was delicious and I didn't feel guilty.

marina

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 3:29 am

Your whole family should be doing a low carb diet. If she is that overweight that this is becoming a medical issue, I have no idea why you'd even wait a minute. Feed your family healthy low carb meals and have lots of low-carb snacks in the house AND NOTHING ELSE.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 5:54 am

I used to steal food as a teen or otherwise steal money from my parents to buy food.
The reactions to this made me just do it more.
They punished and punished and would take away food and would never look into why I was doing it and I'll what it gave to me...
I was hurting a lot inside and it gave me comfort. Unfortunately it still does give me comfort.
I personally think that getting to the root of what it does for her abd why she does it is a big part of the problem.
I also agree that the whole family should be eating her foods so that she doesn't feel singled out and resentful.
I wish u loads of hatzlocha. It isn't easy to see ur hurting themselves.
Be strong.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 5:59 am

crust wrote:

Nu? That's what I was trying to say with pushing her to the other end.
From overeating to undereating.
From loving food to being afraid of food.

OA will not get to the root cause of her problem.

I know, I wasn't correcting you. I was building on what you had said. Explaining it to those who asked what about it could fire up eating disorder restricting.

imasinger

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 6:12 am

I also "stole" food as a teen. It was some combination of emotional eating and sugar addiction.

I think approaching things from a psychological perspective would be more useful than locking up the cookies. Find out what is hurting her. Really listen. Give her tons of attention, first just listening, sharing, validating, but not directing; then, positive feedback for anything and everything. If she'll see a therapist, that might be good.

Does she like to read? Josie Spinardi and Geneen Roth have books on how to approach food that she -- and you! -- may find helpful.

notshanarishona

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:01 am

Putting food under lock and key is controlling, demeaning, and terrible chinuch. That is what you do for a five year old sneaking candy, not a teenager .
Maybe you also need therapy to see why you are so controlling.
A diet can only work if the person wants it.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:25 am

Amarante wrote:

I think you need to stop making the foods she eats separately. I don't understand why the whole family isn't eating the same things.

If she is just overweight and or pre diabetic, I think such a restrictive diet is counter productive and is going to inevitably lead to binges. Why does it have to be so restrictive and even within restrictions, why isn't the whole family eating it. Everyone can benefit from eating healthy. There is stuff like cauliflower pizza crust which is fabulous for example.

Losing weight for anyone is very hard and impossible unless the motivation is internal especially if one is 16.

I didn't have health issues as a teen but I was zaftig. My parents weren't but they were starting to get middle aged spread so the whole family changed eating habits. It was done really for me but it certainly wouldn't have worked if I was eating something separate from what everyone else was eating.

There are loads of recipes for delicious food that is healthy. Others in the family can have larger portions of the same food if necessary but there is no reason everyone shouldn't be eating lean protein, veggies, salad and healthy whole carbs.

Is she buying food and bringing it home or is she eating food that is around the house. Just don't have chips or cookies or cakes in the home. There is no reason for anyone to be eating them regularly. If they aren't in the house, no one is tempted. Better for all. If you have little kids who absolutely need snacks, then get small snack bags or have popcorn instead of high fat/high sugar stuff around which is more tempting. I am old enough so that this kind of stuff wasn't around the house to be eaten everyday. Cakes and ice cream were for special occasions. Chips were bought once a week if at all and we would treat them as a little party because we would get chips and a soda. Soda also was saved for special occasions
except during the summer 😀 When we could have one soda a day and one ice cream. 😀😀

I don't know how this doctor or psychologist thinks putting a 16 year old on a highly
restricted diet while having the rest of the family continue to eat the tempting forbidden stuff is not going to result in failure and binging inevitably. It's a recipe designed to lead to a

lifetime of disordered eating patterns IMHO.

\

Very true! and very well put.
It is very difficult for a child/teen to eat a restricted diet when the rest of the family is eating the stuff that she likes that is forbidden to her.

Also, it can cause her an inferiority complex - everyone sees me as the big fat _____.

But, OP, I really really for you too - you want the best for your child, and very often it is so difficult, a super struggle, to achieve it.

May Hashem Help you and your daughter in this.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:38 am

notshanarishona wrote:

While I totally agree that putting food under lock and key is very demeaning for the family members, but I don't see OP as controlling, I see her more as a mother who is desparate, and worried b/c her daughter's weight issue and eating disorder is affecting her health, but Mommy hasn't found a way - YET - to get her daughter the help she needs. BE'H.

And true that a diet can only work if a person sincerely wants it. BUT most people who are addicted to ..... it is extremely difficult for them to help themself out of the addiction, by themself.
They need professional outside support, guidance, encouragement, motivation, understanding, plus, firmness, set rules of how the person is going to embark on his voyage of ridding himself of the addiction.
They need to be guided and inspired to see and want the end goal as their priority, and then given the right tools to reach it. And also be reassured the there will be ups and down along
the way and it is okay if one falls and then stands up and continues again.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:43 am

amother wrote:

Sorry, I forgot to add, that usually addictions stem from some emotional pain or void, to which the person finds relief by - in this case overeating.

I feel it would be wise to first get to the core of what is 'eating up'
your daughter inside.

Best of luck. BE'H.

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