Im not complaining but

amother

Puce

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:05 pm

how on earth do wome manage???

im in my nineth month , b´´H im fine (ok I have constant backpain, heartbrun etc but thats not dangerous, ust annoying)

I have zero help at the moment, dH works full time and learns in the evening, he does help as much as he can really, but thats not too much.

I have two yummy kids 5 and 3, who are lively, loud and loved, but who also make balagan (well they do tidy up a bit and have small tasks, but really?? how much can they help me?)

so basically I have to shop, run errands, entertain the kids, do sponga, vacuum clean, do laundry, cook (preferably a healthy delicious and childfriendly meal), wash windows (oh the daily little fingerprints) ... do the normal household stuff.... im a bit overwhelmed.

I try to be organised, write lists, use a timer, ...

when by 6pm the house is clean, kids are bathed and they had an entertaining day, food is on the table and noone fighting I AM A SHMATTA- like literally I can hardly greet dH , I just want to shower and sleep.

if I let go, order pizza, leave out some tasks...the stuff accumulates and next day is SOOOO much more stressful

if everything gets done, the next day is really much easier.

I dont think im super unorganised, we dont hoard and we dont have especially challenging kids (well they throw tantrums but they are healthy normal kids b´´H). the house is big but not huge, dH is very understanding and really tries to help, hardly ever complains when things arent done and even wants to hire help (I wasnt successfull with finding help yet).

im really not complaining, im grateful for what I have, and I really think this is A LOT, but please tell me the secret: how do women manage in real life?
I start feeling lousy about myself.
I look like a pregnant monster in a home robe. no energy for makeup, hair, no clothes that fits, I feel a bit trapped.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:10 pm

Please relax. You are NORMAL. When you are 9 months pregnant, every little annoyance is magnified 1,000 because you have no koach. Please don't be hard on yourself. A new baby brings new challenges...YOU are normal...if you remember that, count your blessings, hopefully you will have an easy delivery with a healthy bundle of joy!!

amother

Ruby

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:39 pm

I feel ya! Not to scare you, but at least now your kids are all in a similar stage...wait until you have a larger family, with multiple stages, from teenagers to toddlers! You won't have the luxury to feel like a shmatta at 6 pm, you'll be pushing until midnight to get everything finished so you can have some level of order the next day.

Honestly, I'm struggling with with this right now. We have an important mitzvah of pru u'revu, hence the large families in frum culture. We also have niddah laws and bc issues that make small families uncomfortable for marriages. But is everyone equipped temperamentally for these large families? I'm certainly not! Makeup, dressing up, time for myself? Ha! More like trying to stay sane with never ending carpools, endless shopping and meal prep, impossible laundry and cleaning demands, etc. And yes, my kids have jobs, and yes, my husband is helpful. I struggle with staying positive about my large family and all of its impossible demands every single day.

Practically, I recommend flylady.com because her methods are the most reasonable for larger families.

Hatzlacha, we're all in the same boat. They will all grow up and marry and move out some day.

dancingqueen

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:44 pm

amother wrote:

Do you mean that people purposefully have large families to avoid being a niddah?

Op can your dh cut his Chavrusas a bit shorter or not go every night for the time being?

amother

Puce

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 2:19 pm

dear dancingqueen- im sure he would cut chevrusos if I asked him to. but I really believe that because he works all day, the learning sessions very much help him to stay focussed on koydesh , which is so important. I feel the difference in our house, the way he talks to the kids etc...its a bit like a spiritual input for all of us. him learning in the evening means less physical help but more emotional help for me. he will still take out garbage, swich on the dishwasher if he sees it is necessary even at midnight, and he shares what he learned with the kids and me...but in the worse case obviously he would learn less.

dear althingisblus: maybe cleaninghelp is the answer. especially after the baby. I will ask around maybe somebody in my neighbourhood can recommend me a reliable cleaning lady.

to amother: yes having several stages must be even more challenging- I by no means go and rest at 6 pm though. its more like 1 am (still working from home a bit and waiting for dH to come home, cleaning up toys...) due to medical reasons I doubt that we will habe a super huge family, but even with 2 1/2 children I have more than enough work and im just wondering how other mothers manage if they have more.

also: I now spend a lot of time at home, so obviously I want home to feel cosy, which for me means tidy and organised (I know that sounds crazy). we dont have the means to buy new furniture or new tiles, so I try to keep it as neat as I can, in order to feel good with what we do have. maybe thats why im a bit obsessed with everything being done (I doubt dH really cares, as long as there is fresh clothes to wear and something to eat, eventhough he notices the differnece). if I already feel lousy about myself at least I want to feel good and relaxed about where I live, our home. how silly.