How do I forgive? | Imamother

amother

Crimson

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 12:05 pm

How do I forgive someone who seems to have no interest in apologizing? I've reached out several times and have pretty much been ignored. This is not a recent thing. Last year I felt I got past it mostly, and said it's no longer in my hands and she can answer to God (didn't say this to her but to myself). But now it hurts once again and though I've tried reaching out, apologizing for my part and not focusing on what she did, she still doesn't answer. I know people will say how we have to forgive if we want God to forgive us, but if someone doesn't even care to ask for forgiveness how can I forgive when the hurt is still there and so painful?

singleagain

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 12:17 pm

is it possible that this person doesn't think they did anything wrong? and that they have nothing to apologize for?

if it's possible/you are in a safe emotional place, to have a sit-down/ srs talk, like, "you know when XYZ happened, I was very hurt by your comment bc..."

if that is not possible, or the person still does not feel the need to apologize or just apologizes because you're asking for it, then you will have to figure out how to live with that.

I know that it can be really hard. as I have people in my life, who I believe will never apologize for hurting me, bc they don't believe they need to.

HOWEVER, you can still forgive, bc some believe that forgiveness is a way to release yourself from the pain. This is the philosophy of Eva Kor, an Auschwitz survivor and Mengle twin. This is what she says:

Forgiveness is a way of healing oneself from pain, trauma, and/or tragedy. It is a means of self-liberation and self-empowerment.

Forgiving is not forgetting. It is in many cases impossible to forget events that deeply affect us. They shape our lives for better or worse. In the case of the Holocaust, it is important to remember and educate so it cannot happen again.

Forgiving does not mean that we condone the evil deeds of the Nazis and/or other perpetrators, nor does it mean we wish them to be granted amnesty or political asylum. The question of justice is separate from the issue of forgiveness.

This concept of forgiveness has little or nothing to do with the perpetrators. It has everything to do with the need of victims to be free from the pain inflicted upon them.

This concept of forgiveness has nothing to do with any religion. All people yearn to live free of the pain and burden of the past. If it is confined to one religion, or any religion, then some people will not be able to access it.

Each person can forgive only in his or her own name. One cannot forgive in the name of all Holocaust survivors, nor can one forgive someone for something he or she did to someone else. One can only forgive for what was done to him or her. It is a personal act.

Forgiveness is not a way to counteract violence, to provide safety in the midst of violence or to advocate non-violence necessarily. When we feel our lives are in danger, most people will do everything they can to maintain their lives. Forgiveness is something to consider after the trauma has occurred.

Forgiveness is more than “letting go.” It is proactive rather than passive. We become victims involuntarily, when a person or entity with power takes away our power to use our mind and body in the way we choose. Something was done to us that put us in a position of feeling powerless. Thus the conscious choice to forgive provides healing, liberation, and reclamation of this power.

“Anger is a seed for war. Forgiveness is a seed for peace.”
- Eva Kor, Auschwitz survivor

https://candlesholocaustmuseum......html

singleagain

Mon, Aug 28 2017, 12:27 pm

this may be a bit of the same thing, but a bit simpler, is this statement from Eva Kor and the Candles Museum that I put into a graphic:

and the text:

"What forgiveness means to us. Forgiveness means many things to many people. To adequately describe Eva Kor's journey and the ways survivors of trauma can heal themselves, we define it like this: To forgive is to renounce anger and resentment against those who caused you harm, without the expectation of apology or compensation. Forgiveness is not a pardon to those who have caused the injury, nor does it excuse the acts they used to cause it. These things are no longer the problem for the person who forgives. Forgiveness is the release of bitterness and indignation for our own personal healing. Forgiveness does not require forgetting. It only asks that we refuse to accept our pain as a part of ourselves. We are much more than our pain."

this is the important part: Forgiveness is the release of bitterness and indignation for our own personal healing. Forgiveness does not require forgetting. It only asks that we refuse to accept our pain as a part of ourselves. We are much more than our pain.

It is sooooo hard to accept this, especially when ppl are self-righteous or believe that they are justified in their actions.

according to this philosophy, forgiveness is more about letting go of our pain. not allowing the pain and hurt and shame sit on us and weigh us down. It's so hard and I don't really have any answers or magic sayings to help. Just advice that it's a very personal journey, and it might help to talk to a counselor to figure out what tools would be best for you.