7 Year Old Curious about Things

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 12:01 am

My 6.5 year old son has been constantly talking about kissing lips for the last few weeks.

I have calmly explained to him that this is something that we do not talk about to others and reserved specifically for mommy's and totty's. I told him that we save this special type of kissing for a husband and wife once they are married.

He got his hands on my phone for 2 minutes and totty and guess what he typed into my search box ?!?

How do I handle this ?

DrMom

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 12:52 am

I think you should not have said "we don't talk about it to others." You made it sound far more mysterious and forbidden than it needed to be. And you pretty much encouraged him to seek information elsewhere, which he promptly did.

Ask him what he was looking for. Pictures? Articles? Ask him what he wants to know, and why. It may be something completely innocuous. Best the info come from you than some classmate or website.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 1:21 am

As a child I always knew that kissing lips was reserved for non Jewish people, it's okay if he thinks like that. it's fine when the time comes you'll tell him that it's appropriate to do with your spouse. so I don't think it's appropriate for you to tell him that it's reserved for daddies and mommies because he's going to want to know where his better half is ,then he's going to want to kiss her .so rather just say it's non-existent and then when the time comes you just tell him

chanchy123

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 1:41 am

Could he have learned the midrash of Lavan and Yaakov who kissed him on the mouth looking for jewels?

I think it's fine to say that it's something (private) that peopled do once they are married and not something kids need to worry about.
Don't make a big deal about it.

DrMom

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 1:42 am

amother wrote:

Textbook on how to create intimacy issues later in life.

essie14

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 2:32 am

DrMom wrote:

Textbook on how to create intimacy issues later in life.

Yup. On this site alone, you can see how some people (both men & women) have a hard time "letting go" because they think physical affection (and more) is for non-Jews. PLEASE do not tell your children that anything s*xual is for non-Jews. You can say it's for adults, it's for mommies and daddies, whatever.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 3:53 am

DrMom wrote:

Textbook on how to create intimacy issues later in life.

What good does it do if he does know at seven?

Trust me nothing good at all! I know a major incest story that happened with a little 10 year old boy that found out abt sx.
He started up with several of his siblings.
I promise its a true story because it happened to my best best friend.
Now all those siblings are messed up in a religious /psychological way.
No a seven year old doesn't need to know about anything.
Palease give me a break.

DrMom

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 5:48 am

amother wrote:

I am willing to bet that the probability of a child becoming a victim of incest is higher in families where curious children are absolutely forbidden from asking questions about intimacy.

If a relative tries to inappropriately touch such a child, the child will feel uncomfortable reporting it to his parents because every time he brings up the topic the conversation is immediately squelched.

BTW, the 7-year old boy in this thread wants to know about kissing, not sx.

petiteruchy

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:30 am

amother wrote:

Seriously? A 7 year old knowing about relations doesn't lead to him abusing his siblings. Most likely, he was himself being abused.

And what, if he knows that kissing on the lips exists, you telling him it doesn't won't erase his memory. If he knows it's a thing, he knows it's a thing. You can only find out why he's interested, and give him some solid, factual information so he doesn't get more confused.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 8:36 am

amother wrote:

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. I feel sad for you and for your children.

crust

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

The part that your best best freind chose not to disclose to you, or is unaware of, is, that before this story happened, her 10 year old was abused many times most likely by her husband, but possibly by her brother/in law or her father/in law.
Do her a favor and question the simplicity of this story. You can save many other children.

Blessing1

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 9:58 am

Op I think You have told to much for a 7 year old to know. Now he'll have more questions. It's ok to tell them that we don't do it, end of story. I don't understand why people think that kids need to know everything. He's not even 7 yet, he can't grasp what you told him. If you answer a simple answer he probably won't think so deep into it.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:13 am

A child's curiosity is one of Hashem's greatest gifts.

IMO, it is best when channeled, not squelched.

In this case, it might be best met with a little parental curiosity.

Where did you hear about/see lip kissing? Do you wonder how it might feel? Why? How do you feel when someone kisses your cheek or head? How does it feel to kiss someone else's cheek or head? What if the other person just ate (fill in his least favorite food)? Is there anything else you can think of that you might want to wait until you are married to experience? How are grown ups and children different? Why do you think Hashem made it so that you can go on a playdate, but an infant can't? Etc.

petiteruchy

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:23 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Sorry, this is a really backwards way to think. Analyze what you just said... your child will have more questions and this is a BAD thing?? Children are on this earth to learn and grow and experience and question. You don't want your child to be curious and learn how the world works? You don't want to be the one who teaches your child what they are curious to know?

One of the greatest pleasures in my life as a parent is to answer my child's adorably philosophical questions (I mean, until it's the millionth question about why ants have 6 legs and why the sky is blue when I'm standing in the grocery check out line). To watch them wonder and question and take what information you give them and see how it shapes them? It's the best feeling in the world.

On a practical note: this child is six, not two. This child can TYPE! This child is not an empty lump of flesh you can just brush off and ignore. He is curious for a reason and you won't turn off his curious, intelligent brain just because you ignore him.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:51 am

crust wrote:

Huh? Although I don't agree with that poster at all, did you seriously just accuse a father of 'most likely' having abused their son when you have absolutely no idea? Even if the kid was abused, it could have been anyone. No need to point fingers and label people when trying to get a message across.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 04 2017, 10:58 am

I don't think crust was pointing any fingers.

I think she was trying to say that statistically, the greatest likelihood is that an abuser is in the home.

That may not quite be correct.

According to what I just looked up if a child is under 6, the likelihood is about 50% that the molester is someone in the same home. Over 6, more like 30%.

The odds are 90% that the molester is someone a child knows.

Excuse me while I go wash my eyes with soap.