Mean or cruel things your teacher said or did...

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 1:49 pm

One of my sisters says that when she was in the First Grade, the teacher falsely accused her of lying, and she put a big piece of duct tape over her mouth. She made her stand like that, in front of the whole class, for the duration of recess.

She says it traumatized her so much, she has never really forgiven this woman for the pain she caused her.

She also says that in subsequent years, she saw other occasions that this teacher meted out this punishment to other students, and it pained her every time she saw it. She wanted to just rip that piece of tape off the little girl and hug her.

tichellady

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:28 pm

rdmom wrote:

Tichellady

You are fortunate. These things leave lasting scars. I know that first hand. Anytime a situation arises that puts me in a position like the one I was in, I remember exactly how I felt when that teacher did or said what she did.

Of course. I wasn't implying otherwise. I feel terrible for children who were mistreated by people who were supposed to care for them.

amother

Oak

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:45 pm

In my days, the chassidish school I was in hired girls straight out of 12th grade, with no seminary or experience. I was lucky to get the Grand Rabbi's daughter as a teacher. In our 2nd grade classroom we had five rows of seats. I was a difficult student (came from a difficult home environment) and gave my teachers a run for their money. The teacher put one of those jumbo garbage cans in front of Row 5 and put my desk in front of the garbage can and declared to all that I am now "Row 6." When the class did anything special that year, "Row 6" had to do work in her seat. When a shofar was passed around for everyone to touch, she told the last girl in Row 5 that "Row 6" doesn't need to see it so she should bring it up. All year I was "Row 6" and the teacher's verbal punching bag. I endured this humiliation all year and did not tell my mother because she never believed a word I said. Several years ago when it did come up in a conversation, my mother was horrified and hurt that I never told her. I wanted to slap her because again it became all about her.

In 4th grade I also had a teacher straight out of school. She knew how hard my home life was but I guess too immature to realize the repercussions of her actions. She looked for every opportunity to call home and tattle on me. I remember getting beat that year way more than any other. One incident in particular stands out in my mind: For whatever reason, I hadn't studied for an Ivris test and handed in a blank paper. She drew a big red zero on top, which any teacher would have done. What hurt was that she made me take it home and get it signed. I was so scared that I forged my mother's signature. Of course, she called home the next morning and I believe I still have physical scars from the beating that night. This teacher divorced a few years later and I was secretly happy.

trixx

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:45 pm

cuties' mom wrote:

Ds has autism. He started talking at 1, although it was mostly memorizing books and songs, not functional language, and his articulation was horrible. By the time he was 2, he knew his colors, shapes, letters, and numbers, but wouldn't say mommy unless it was in a book he was reading. He went to a special preschool, and when he was 4, I spoke to the director about possible elementary schools for him. She said that while there are schools for kids with autism, because ds has lots of knowledge, a school for LD kids may be better for him. The first school we applied to was kind enough to send us a rejection letter by mail. The second school waited until the next day to call me to reject ds. The 3rd school ruined him. After ds demonstrated his knowledge, the principal told me in front of ds that his speech is so unclear that none of the speech therapists would be able to work with him, and that it's obvious he has extreme sensory issues, and there is no sensory gym. She then asked where else I'm applying to, and when I told her, she started telling me why ds isn't right for any of these schools, listing all of ds's faults, and saying that only an ABA program could deal with a child like this. All this was said with ds sitting right there. He started crying in the principal's office and was still crying when we got home.
Ds stopped talking after that day. He started showing lots of aggressive behaviors- hair pulling, scratching, biting, etc. He became a completely different person to the point where nobody would recommend anything but ABA for him. He is turning 9 a week after succos. He only talks to me, and only to request food. While he still knows his books and songs, he reads quietly and hums along to music instead of singing. He doesn't cooperate with ABA therapists who ask him colors or shapes. How somebody with zero sensitivity could be principal of a special school is beyond me.

Omg I can't

This is sue-able

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:47 pm

A teacher made my DH wear a paper stuck to his back reading "I am an idiot" (about 5th grade). Not sure what he did to deserve that.
He never told his parents, until he was about 20 yrs old.
He now says it built his character and he can now take any insults - he just brushes it off.
I am sensitive, and he teaches and encourages me to take things easier.

marina

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:59 pm

southernbubby wrote:

If anyone from any living generation is asked about why they rejected religion, often the answer is cruelty, degradation, and unfair punishments. Corporal punishment possibly resulted in whole generations bolting from religion. Embarrassment often resulted in same.

These stories are horrible. But - other than the current ones - the stories from decades ago may likely reflect a total ignorance in pedagogy in general, not necessarily religion in particular.

I had a 2nd grade teacher who choked a little girl in front of us, because the child did not cut her snowflake the right way. The girl lived, the teacher never came back, but this was not in a jewish school.

To what extent, do you think, these incidents reflect religious norms rather than general societal attitudes back then?

amother

Babypink

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 3:02 pm

Dh always talks about the day when his principal called the entire yeshiva down to the lunchroom in order to yell at a bochur who did some sort of stupid 'trouble'. Dh can never forget this day. (About 20 years ago). And cries for this boy when he repeats the story. The way the principal walked into the lunchroom holding him by his shirt collar in front of hundreds of boys and started yelling and hitting him in public.

Ruchel I'm adding this line for you:
He is currently otd and hasent been seen by his friend and maybe even family for years.

smilealot

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 3:19 pm

These stories are sk heartrending. I wish they weren't true.
To cause little innocent children so much thoughtless pain. ;(

I thank hashem that I never had to deal with these things.
Only small things.
The first time I ever plucked up the courage to pick up my hand (had been in school a few years already) to answer a question (I had low self esteem) the teachers reply was a resounding NO! I still remember what the question was and what I answered.
I never picked up my hand again!
That same teacher once sent me out on an errand. I had a feeling that she had a reason so I stayed by the door listening. She was telling the girls to be friends with me..
I was so hurt.

In high school I was desperate for attention. The 'holy' girls were beloved by a certain teacher so I started saying a lot of tehillim to also be beloved. She praised the person next to me for doing so well and being so amazing etc but totally ignored me. I remember, I asked her in the corridor (wouldn't do it in class) if I should make a siyum because I had said the whole sefer tehilim. I was desperate for her to notice me. She just ignored me. She said get to class...

These aren't major things but they all hurt and it shows how we have to be so careful with what we say and how we act with these precious little neshamas.

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 3:25 pm

amother wrote:

R Yaakov Bender, in his book on parenting, says that many of the teachers/principals of the past generation were holocaust survivors and traumatized individuals. Some of them meted out punishment in a manner similar to what they had R"L seen.

This story is reminiscent of that.....

southernbubby

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 4:11 pm

To what extent, do you think, these incidents reflect religious norms rather than general societal attitudes back then?

I think that children were often punished for not properly following religious norms. One example that comes to mind is that years ago we had a wonderful elderly neighbor, who liked growing vegetables and gave them to us. He had been frum as a child but that stopped when his rebbe smacked him for buying a non-kosher ice cream cone. Basically the punishment was for breaking halacha.
I think that non-Jews could tell similar stories of religious infractions that ended in punishment.
I think that that, coupled with a general attitude in society that old fashioned religion was a sign of ignorance (belief in dogma), drove many people away from whatever religious attitudes they had been taught.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 4:18 pm

I couldn't finish this thread bec it hurts too much to read. Especially as it brings up a lot of old things for me. But one thing that sticks out is where were the parents? All the bad experiences I had in school were exacerbated 100 times over because my parents never stuck up for me or validated me. And to this day that is more destructive than anything. (Btw they still won't validate me married to a husband with an alcohol problem who periodically verbally abuses me, and all they do is yell at me that I have to go to the Mikva.)

chanchy123

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 4:26 pm

I had several incidents. My elementary teachers were terrible. I had a teacher pour the entire contents of my backpack on my desk to show to the entire class that I had not brought the correct books for class and instead my bag was full of library books and decayed food. This was beyond humiliating. I was in third grade. She also told me that if I came in late (or whatever offense it was) I shouldn't bother coming into class I should go to the grade under us (I think it was third grade and we were in fourth). So that is exactly what I did. It was humiliating beyond belief at first. But then I realized their teacher was actually great. And I enjoyed being there. After a while my teacher sent for me. It turns out that she hadn't meant this literally. She was shocked that a nine year old would take her teacher seriously. That was even more offensive to me than the original punishment.

I have more stories about her. She should not have been a teacher

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 5:05 pm

my heart is breaking for all of you. I have no words other than im so sorry all of you little girls endured such treatment. I hope our children feel comfortable enough with us to share any difficult situations, so at least they can have support. it sounds like everything was made much worse foe sme of you whose parents didnt know/support.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 5:46 pm

Couldnt read ALL posts but I get the impression that those who know hurt 'get it' and those who dont will yell gossip. I'm not a rabbi I dnt know if it's gossip but I get the op WAY to much. It would take up too much space to tell my stories but unfortunately many mechanchim are extremely lacking. Im frum always was nice parents and still I hav awful attitude toward chinuch.

Librarian

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 7:19 pm

Not damaging or nearly as bad as some of the other posts thank G-d, but I have never forgotten the terrible humiliation I felt as a first grader FORTY ONE years ago. We had school lunch in our classroom and I must have helped myself to a few too many orange slices so the Morah called out my name loudly and announced that I was sure to get "diarrhea". I was sooooooo embarrassed and although my classmates did not make fun of me at the time it was brought up over the ensuing years of elementary school. I don't understand how a mature woman could be that insensitive to a 7 year old child. As a mother and teacher myself I just can't fathom it.

amother

Plum

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 8:46 pm

My third grade teacher was the worst, and this was in a typical B.Y school.
She used to threaten all the girls that if we don't listen or call out she would lock us in to her closet.
I came from large family and very overwhelmed mother , she would check our nails if they were too long and I remember wearing the same shirt with a ketchup stain for 3 days, bec my mother couldn't handle the laundry and she made fun of me in front of the whole class.
And she's still teaching today 23 years later.